Girl #1: What kind of restaurant is it?
Girl #2: It's like Red Lobster, without the seafood.
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Adina
Girl #1: What kind of restaurant is it?
Girl #2: It's like Red Lobster, without the seafood.
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Adina
Hipster, sitting in a cafe for two hours chatting on his cell phone: You will never do anything if you procrastinate.
–Atlas Cafe, Williamsburg
Cop: Move it along, bub.
Hobo: What? I don’t wanna move, I’m sleeping here.
Cop: I said move it, buddy.
Hobo: Why? I’m not bothering anyone, can I please stay, please, please?
Cop: OK, fine. Stay.
Hobo: I love you.
–Bay Ridge
Overheard by: C. Depp
Grad student: Translation: Will you marry me? Or: I don’t want germs.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Dude: … My wedding [mumble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m going to need a tear-away tuxedo.
–53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jo
Chick to another: Yeah, he’s the one who wouldn’t marry her because she was too pale.
–Starbucks
Blonde: … And I’m really not sure, because he said he shouldn’t unless we are married, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just confess his sins or something like that…
–Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: Dan
Lesbian to group: So, what is the reason behind getting married, besides pretending to be heterosexual? Exactly — presents!
–Party, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jude
Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?
–Greenpoint Ave
Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?
–Cook St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: cameo
Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!
–Rockafeller Plaza
Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!
–Pillow Fight, Union Square
Overheard by: Anna P.
Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!
–37th St & 8th Ave
20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!
–Topshop
Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Bearsian
Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.
–Lower East Side Art Gallery
Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.
–Red Hook, Brooklyn
White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.
–Houston & Clinton
Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Yehuda
Teenage girl #1 (talking about an upcoming exam): I plan on baking some cupcakes tonight and giving them to Mr Collins* to bribe him.
Teenage girl #2: Good plan… I plan on baking him a handjob.
Teenage girl #1: He seems like a cupcake kind of guy. And a handjob kind of guy.
–Brooklyn Friends School
Overheard by: sounds delicious
Random lady to pregnant Indian woman: It's a girl… Girls make your ass look huge.
Pregnant Indian woman: Oh… But, it's a boy, I just went to doctor.
Random lady: Did your doctor see your huge ass?
–Cortelyou Rd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Taylor
Well-dressed British man on cell, as he walks oddly: Listen girl, I farted so hard yesterday I blasted half my ass off. (pause) No, seriously! I am still walking funny!
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Joseph
Teenage boy to another: One time this hot bitch farted on my lap, and I didn't know what to do.
–12th St & University Place
Crazy hobo sitting on blanket: I used to wear underwear, but then I farted and left a stain, so decided no more. Can anyone spare any change?
–87th & Broadway
Overheard by: Nynanny
Girl from Louisiana: What can I say? I'm a Southern girl. I fart crawfish.
–McLean Ave, Yonkers
Woman on phone: Well, the romance is out of my life: this morning Greg came in my mouth, then straight away leaned back and farted.
–Beard St & Van Brunt St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: craig hunter
Queer: Could you deliver these?
Attendant guy #1: What’s the address?
Attendant guy #2: He lives [at 985 5th Avenue].
Queer: How do you know that?
Attendant guy #1: This is my friend the stalker.
Attendant guy #2: I have a friend who lives there, so I’ve seen you walking in and out.
Queer: Well, the guy who lives above me has a license to carry a gun, and he always does…I have his number on my speed dial.
–Montague Wines, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Da rat
