Wednesday One-Liner: What Is It Good For?

Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq!

–Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St

Overheard by: Nicky

Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: megan

Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march!

–143 & Malcolm X

Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war!

–33rd & 2nd

Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy.

–NYU Palladium Dining Hall

Posted on May 4, 2015
Blue-collar workers, Compare/Contrast, Elevators, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Iraq, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Politics, Rack, Security Guards, Shea Stadium, Stupidity, War, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Linerbation

Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts!

–53rd & Lexington Subway Station

Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal!

–14th & 3rd

Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway

Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate.

–Queens Center Food Court

Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist.

–Penn Station

Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off.

–15th St & 9th St

Overheard by: Spicoli

Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate?

–R Train

Posted on May 4, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Food, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nerds, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Queens, Rape, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Bart and Milhouse Are at It Again

Little boy #1: I bet you you can’t do it!
Little boy #2: Oh yes I can! Don’t underestimate me!
Little boy #1: Fine! Steal my soul!

–Broadway

Posted on May 1, 2015
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Kids, Offers and requests, Thievery, Weirdness

Don’t Ask Her About the Pigeons

Lesbian #1: I love you.
Lesbian #2: Do you love me even when we’re like Bert and Ernie?
Lesbian #1: Of course! Wait, who’s Bert?
Lesbian #2: Me. I’ve been so uptight.
Lesbian #1: Great. So you’re the tall, thin, uptight one and I’m the short, fat, stupid one.

–Union Square

Posted on May 1, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Gays and Lesbians, Lesbians, Love, Pop Culture, Union Square and East Village

Now What About the Statute of Librarians?

Guy with thick accent: Where you get off to the Walton Center?
NY chick: The what?
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center.
NY chick: Do you know what street it's on?
Guy with thick accent: No, no. You know, the Walton Center.
NY chick: I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center! The buildings, they fall, they fall!
NY chick: You mean the World Trade Center?
Guy with thick accent: Yes!
NY chick: Fulton Street and fuck you.

–Uptown 5 Train

Posted on April 30, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Directions, Girls, Guys, Insults, Language Barrier, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Words

Better Not Make Her My Happy Place

Girl yuppie: Isn’t it crazy how rapidly presidents age over eight years?
Guy yuppie: Oh I know, all the stress.
Girl yuppie: If Hil wins president, she’s gonna be a hot mess.
Guy yuppie: She’ll look like Margaret Thatcher after three months!

–Metro North

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on April 29, 2015
Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Physical appearance, President, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Yuppies

Wednesdays Floss After Every One-Liner

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Alyssa

Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!

–Starbucks, 8th & 39th

Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!

–Times Square

Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best

Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…

–Duane Reade

Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.

–48th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on April 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Birds, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Duane Reade, e-Bay, Ethnic Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Starbucks, Street, Time, Times Square, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Chastity, How Did You Get So Smart?

Tween girl #1: Where did the term, “horny” come from?
Tween girl #2: Because when guys are horny, that's what their dicks look like. Horns.
Tween girl #1: Then how come we use the word for chicks, too?
Tween girl #2: Because their nipples get hard and look like horns! God, you're so stupid!

–Central Park

Posted on April 29, 2015
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Horny, Parks, Penis, Questions, Rack, Stupidity, Tweens, Words

I Hear She Shops at a Tiny, Tiny Version Of Wet Seal

Little girl, sadly: But she got the new Barbie…
Mom: Yeah, but hers is super janky… Yours is the good one, it was all customized for you. You don't want hers.
Little girl: Oh.

–N Train

Overheard by: Brittany M

Posted on April 28, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Pop Culture, Wishes & desires

It’s a Big City

Girl at make-up counter: Where was yous at during the tornado yesterday?
Customer: Huh?
Girl at make-up counter: Guess you didn’t got one, then.

–Kaufmann’s, Walden Galleria

Overheard by: Rachel + Isaac

Posted on April 27, 2015
Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Default, Girls, Not New York, Questions, Store, Stupidity

Compare/Contrast