Bro #1: What I'm saying is that you're the asshole. You tagged him as herpes whore, and the joke was about him getting it from you.
Hoe #1: That is bullshit, I've never had a cold sore in my life!
Bro #2: Well, you might soon, because I do have herpes.
–Fordham University
Crazy older guy to lady in park with barking dog: Lady, you keep that dog quiet! That dog is better-looking than you are.
–W 63rd & West End
Overheard by: Beez and Newb
Guy in red shirt: You make me feel so pedophilic when I tell you about violating my dog.
–Central Park
Man on cell: You're always saying your dog is sick! "My dog has diarrhea! I can't come out!"
–Fulton & Broadway
Overheard by: would you rather she have it?
Black kid to white couple walking poodle: I've only seen dogs like that in movies.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Poodle Lady
Girl on cell: So I'm getting off the a and I see this tall girl and I know her! So I'm like "Sarah?" and she's like "I haven't seen you since middle school!" and she cut all her hair off and she's like "When did you dye your hair black?" and my hair's soooo not black! But I saw Sarah! You know, the one whose cat tried to eat my toes off that one time! So we talked and then there was this lady who was totally tossing chow all over the place! Hello! Trash can right there—hold up, I gotta go, I see a Weiner dog!
–72nd St & Central Park West
Eight-year-old girl to eight-year-old friend: You see, I love him, but I can't make that kind of commitment right now.
–Carroll Gardens
Lone suit, shaking fists in air: Why do fools fall in love?!
–Wall Street
Overheard by: poisonivy
Woman to neighbor, shouting out of the window: She's an idiot! She knows the man's a fucking bullshit artist, and she's in love with him!
–Hoffman St & 187th
Inebriated, tattooed man on cell: You fuckin' love me?! You fuckin' know what? That's fuckin' unreal, you know why?! Because you fuckin' don't!
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Cara
Sallow, skinny, melancholy tattooed dude: Looking for love in all the wrong places… That's why I was after her ass.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!
–American Eagle
Overheard by: liveyourlife
Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.
–Chinatown Bus to DC
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!
–Canal St & Broadway
Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!
–Time Warner Building
Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.
–Perry & Bleecker
Overheard by: other contenders?
20-something girl: I'm tired and want to sleep, but I don't know what to do with my contacts.
Older 20-something guy: You can put them in my soda.
–Shea Stadium
Guy #1: So how are things going with your new girlfriend?
Guy #2: Dude–she's not my girlfriend. We're just fucking. And, like… I don't know. She's been acting really weird.
Guy #1: Weird like what?
Guy #2: I don't know! Whatever, man. I guess she and I were better off as siblings.
–McDonald's, Times Square
Overheard by: …that's what she said?
Guy #1: Where should we get lunch? McDonald's?
Guy #2: I don't trust meat that's 99 cents. I just don't.
–29th & 6th
Overheard by: Me Neither
Guy #1: I only have one feeling left, and I'm saving it for my fourth wife.
Guy #2: I thought you were only married twice??
Guy #1: Well, how long do you think that third marriage is gonna last when she finds out I don't have any feelings for her?
–57th & Lexington
Taxi driver: Why'd you double park? I'm trying to get through here!
Guy: Why don't you go suck a dick?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Chica
Regular guy: You got Old English reeking out your pores… Come outside and air out.
–Frederick Douglas & 126th St
Mother of three: Come with me and I'll buy you a bag of beer! I've never had a bag of beer before and I could really use one!
–34th St & Broadway
20-something girl to another: I gave up Grey Goose for lent.
–Pizza Shop, The Bronx
Overheard by: E.J.
Guy with teardrop tattoo: Dude, moonshine is awesome. It's 99% alcohol and 1% liquor.
–L Train
Overheard by: someone's going to the ER/remedial math class tonight…
Ditzy girl: I was thinking, how come I had a much worse time junior year than I did sophomore year? Then I realized, it's because I didn't drink margaritas.
–Party
Overheard by: The House
