Wednesday One-Liners Do It Doggie Style

Woman: So what if I sleep with dogs for money?

–Chrystie St & Delancey

Middle-aged woman, after being told her puppies can't enter store: That's why I live in LA, they're much more dog-friendly there. Now, can you please get me the Lady Gaga CD?

–Barnes & Noble

Young woman, seeing three-legged dog: Three-legged dogs are kinda trendy these days.

–Sunset Park

Overheard by: Matty

Woman to another, walking out of subway: I'm telling you, chihuahuas are fucking taking over the city.

–Bedford Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: J Wing

Man in '80s garb, getting off train and pumping arms in great exaltation: The dog is back!

–Steinway Street

Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism

Posted on July 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Money & Class, Music, Offers and requests, One-liners, Parks, Prostitution, Queens, Questions, Store, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

He's Only Nice to You, Honey

Two-year-old boy: Are we going to daddy's?
Mom: Yes.
Two-year-old boy: Can we stay there forever?
Mom: No! What are you? Crazy?

–N Train

Overheard by: Varda

Posted on July 19, 2010
Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents

Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

–East Village

Overheard by: Matty Mac

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!

–Brooklyn

Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?

–Mulberry

Overheard by: nina

Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!

–Astoria

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Prison, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Store, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Tragically Hip Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster girl to friend: I told her it was the wrong kind of plaid. Not all flannels are equal.

–Bowery & Bleecker

Overheard by: but lumberjacks are supposed to be burly men!

Hipster to another: And I was like "Do you want some nail polish for that camel toe?"

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: Shan

Hipster guy singing to self in country twang: Whennnn am I gonna get me sommmme Ugg boooooots?

–4th Ave & 13th St

Hipster guy in eyeliner and mascara: I was being facetious… I would not wear leggings.

–Jamba Juice, 13th St & University

Overheard by: helenathegreat

Hipster girl screaming on cell: I want you to want me to want to touch you!

–Columbus Circle

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Hipsters, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Shoes, Singing, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…As You Should've Read in My Dossier Before You Agreed to Date Me.

Fat suit during movie, about fur coat on screen: Do you want one of those?
Girl half his age: No, I don't really like fur.

–Regal Cinema 14

Overheard by: Mark

Posted on July 4, 2010
Clothing, Fat People, Girls, Gripes, Movie Theaters, Movies, Offers and requests, Suits

How Does Anyone Make It Out Of Their 20's Alive?

Girl #1: Do you have any Vicodin?
Girl #2: Yes, but I am not sharing with you, because you would not give me any Valium when I asked.
Girl #1: Okay, here are the Vals, now give me the Vicodin.
Girl #2: Hey, don't take them with wine. Check the warning “alcohol may increase the effect.”
Girl #1: Oh, I thought that was a serving suggestion.

–Iggy Pop Lecture, Times Center

Posted on July 3, 2010
Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests

Besides, My Furniture's All Wicker

Gay guy to girlfriend: I refuse to pay for movers. I need you to help me with my furniture.
Girlfriend: Are you serious? Why don't you just get movers?
Gay guy: Do you know expensive they are? Why would I pay someone to move my stuff when we can just do it ourselves?
Girlfriend: Honestly, you're the cheapest person I know.
Gay guy: I'm the cheapest person you know? Hello, you've met my mother!

–Park Ave & 25th St

Overheard by: Investment Banker