Mom: Indiana isn’t a state; I’m not sure it will be on there…Oh.
–JFK
Overheard by: Pierre-François Dubois
Mom: Indiana isn’t a state; I’m not sure it will be on there…Oh.
–JFK
Overheard by: Pierre-François Dubois
Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four.
–NYU
Overheard by: Kelly
Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’
–Albert Einstein College of Medicine
Overheard by: BuddyblueJD
15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck!
—The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25
20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything.
–45th & 3rd
Overheard by: mkr
Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die!
–25th & 1st
Preppy teenage boy on cell: I use the word "ex" as a coping mechanism. She can have her name back once I'm healed.
–Grand Central
Transvestite on cell: I'm changing my name from Angela to Rachel. Angela sounds very Disney. I don't feel like Disney. I feel like a hard sound, like Rachel.
–Pelham Bay Park
Black guy: Shit be fucked up. Niggas got bitches' names. Bitches got niggas' names.
–26th & 8th
Overheard by: Withnail
Yuppie to another: You know, man, I think you say my name more than your wife's.
–62nd & 2nd
Overheard by: The Vonz
Upper East Side girl, seriously: You know what the first thing I look for in a gentleman caller is? His name.
–89th St & 3rd Ave
Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq!
–Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St
Overheard by: Nicky
Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up!
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: megan
Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march!
–143 & Malcolm X
Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war!
–33rd & 2nd
Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy.
–NYU Palladium Dining Hall
Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts!
–53rd & Lexington Subway Station
Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal!
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway
Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate.
–Queens Center Food Court
Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist.
–Penn Station
Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off.
–15th St & 9th St
Overheard by: Spicoli
Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate?
–R Train
Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother.
–M08 Bus
20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special!
–207th St & Broadway
Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass?
–LIRR
Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message.
–Metro-North Rail
Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about.
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Carolyn
Woman: Hey, so have you ever tried crack?
–78th & Madison
Overheard by: Andrew C
Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs.
–Park Slope
Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out!
–LIRR, Huntington Line
Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it!
–Lafayette St
Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw.
–Grand Central Station
Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread.
–Fordham Law School
20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: BrooklynBorn
Dude looking at girl shoes: If I were a chick I'd wear the ugliest shoes, I swear.
–5th Ave
Woman on phone call with son's teacher: I know he's in the big boy group, but if you see he put his shoes on the wrong feet again, could you just let him know, please?
–57th St & Madison
Four-year-old girl: My toes are in my shoes!
–Bus
Overheard by: vcstr
Girl, with pride: I can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes. My feet are so black and blue, and so are you!
–F Train
Overheard by: Ofelia Hiney
Gay guy to friend: Oh, c'mon, at its best, The Wizard of Oz is just a story about two women fighting over a pair of shoes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Paul N.
