Wednesday On-Liners

Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website.

–Union Square

Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer.

–Elevator, ABC building, 66th St

Overheard by: Mojosaves

World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist.

–20th & 8th

Overheard by: laughing out loud

Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?!

–4th Ave

Overheard by: Joe

Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you.

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: wild dog boy

Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately.

–11th & 6th

Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn.

–Grand & Varick

Posted on May 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Computer, Family Ties, Intelligentsia, Internet, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Students, Suits, Union Square and East Village, West Village

Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.

–York & 72nd

Overheard by: fance

Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!

–Borders Bookstore, Midtown

Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.

–Train, Penn Station

Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?

–Stuyvesant High School

Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!

–1st & 7th

Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

Posted on May 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Clerks, Clothing, Conductors, Erections, God, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Religion, Shopping, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Teens, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

You're No Body 'Til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Girl: He has a really amazing skull.

–Bakery, Cortelyou Road

Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with picking their noses?

–170th St & Broadway

Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have bladder issues whenever I have sex!

–Broadway & Ooper

Lady suit, screaming into cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a goddamn colon cleanse!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Colin

Posted on May 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compliments, Delis, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Suits, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Think Lebanons Are Girls Who Like Girls

15-year-old on cell: Why would they invade Lebanon? We’ve got nothing they want. All we’ve got are trees.

–64th & 5th

Overheard by: Caroline

Professor Obvious, on Hezbollah situation: It’s, like, so Old Testament. They really need to come up off that shit.

–Wooster & Houston

B&T mom on cell: God, honey, calm down. I’m in Manhattan, not Lebanon.

–American Girl Place, 49th & 5th

Overheard by: Courtney

Wannabe cartographer: Where’s Hezbollah…Like, it’s a city in Iran, right?

–Mug Café, E 13th St

Posted on May 9, 2015
B & T, Global Geography, On Cell, Politics, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 9, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Film, Girls, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Porn, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Smoking, Store, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Want You to Know About the Size of Their Bank Accounts

Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.

–W Houston

Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point.

40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am.

–81st & Madison

Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card.

–Stanton & Christie

Overheard by: Ross

Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi!

–Dice Thai, Prospect Park

Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid

Posted on May 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Directions, Ethnic Food, Food, Google, Happiness, iPod, Kids, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires, Women, Yuppies

Ultralubricated Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car?

–6 train

Overheard by: Sabrina

Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me!

–Duane Reade, 34th & Park

Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off

Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room.

–Astor Pl

20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?!

–CVS

Posted on May 6, 2015
Advice, Default, Duane Reade, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, Williamsburg, Women

50 States plus Wednesday One-liners

Mom: Indiana isn’t a state; I’m not sure it will be on there…Oh.

–JFK

Overheard by: Pierre-FranÃ§ois Dubois

Posted on May 6, 2015
At the Airport, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Etiquette, History & Geography, Manhattan, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Politics, Real Estate, Stupidity, Suits, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Bell Tolls for Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four.

–NYU

Overheard by: Kelly

Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’

–Albert Einstein College of Medicine

Overheard by: BuddyblueJD

15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck!

—The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25

20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything.

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: mkr

Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die!

–25th & 1st

Posted on May 5, 2015
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, College, Death, Default, Girls, Gripes, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Time, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners' Monogrammed Towels Say “W.O.L.”

Preppy teenage boy on cell: I use the word "ex" as a coping mechanism. She can have her name back once I'm healed.

–Grand Central

Transvestite on cell: I'm changing my name from Angela to Rachel. Angela sounds very Disney. I don't feel like Disney. I feel like a hard sound, like Rachel.

–Pelham Bay Park

Black guy: Shit be fucked up. Niggas got bitches' names. Bitches got niggas' names.

–26th & 8th

Overheard by: Withnail

Yuppie to another: You know, man, I think you say my name more than your wife's.

–62nd & 2nd

Overheard by: The Vonz

Upper East Side girl, seriously: You know what the first thing I look for in a gentleman caller is? His name.

–89th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on May 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Breaking Up, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Disney, Girls, Grand Central, Insults, Names, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Preppies, Questions, Teens, The Bronx, Train Station, Trannies, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Yuppies

On Cell