Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.
–Houston Street
Professor: Not only will I take off points, but I will go and TP your house.
Student: It's a really long drive…
Professor: It's worth it to me.
–NYU
Overheard by: Spazz
Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!
–Port Authority Bus Station
Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?
–N Train
Overheard by: Tater
Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.
–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center
Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!
–23rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?
–31st b/w 9th &10th
Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone
Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?
–Ave A & 10th
Overheard by: Kira
Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny
Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!
–24th & 7th Ave
NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.
–Kimmel Center, NYU
Overheard by: lollin.
Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: J J
Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.
–L Train
Overheard by: ooshua
Guy shoving himself onto a full train: Maybe if y'all moved a little I would fit!
Incredibly irate guy being shoved: Maybe if I punch you in the fucking face you'll get off this train so the doors will close!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McJensen
Guy in horse-drawn carriage to tourist couple crossing street: Yo, buddy, yer wife is beau-tee-ful!
Tourist man: Thank you!
Guy: You better take good care of her!
Tourist man: I will!
Guy: Cause if you don't, I'm gonna stick my dick in her!
–58th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?
–ACORN High School for Social Justice
Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.
–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade
Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Margot
Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Janelle
Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!
–Palace Theatre
Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!
–E 17th St
Overheard by: the Big R
Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!
–47th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Party girl, bending over to pet a dog tied to a mailbox: Hi, puppy!
Male friend: Don't do that, don't pet a strange dog.
Random black guy, barking: He gonna bite your hand!
Party girl: I'm going to bite your hand.
Random black guy: You bite my hand, I bite yo booty.
–Hudson & 10th
Overheard by: erkala
Woman to friend: Wait till I show you the pictures. He looked so good in the coffin…
–Gym, Westchester Ave
Thug to homies: Yo, we need to take a pic in case the world ends tomorrow.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert
Too-cool-for-school coworker: You don't know how to use your scanner?! Shhiiiit, fool! I can teach you that! I taught myself how to use Google Calendar today. I have a Master's in photography.
–NYU
Overheard by: mm
Man on cell: Hi! Oh my gosh, I just got some great pictures of a plane that crashed into the river!
–Hudson River Park
20-something girl on phone with friend: Will you grab my camera from the apartment for me before you come out tonight? (pause) Thanks, I need it to take pictures of my conquests.(pause) All men should fear us.
–Brooklyn
Hip soul dude: You gonna push me, woman?
Hip soul chick: I'm not pushing you, baby.
Hip soul dude: That's right, you best not or I'll go off, remember–I'm the man who put “p” in “schizophrenic.”
–Henry & Montgomery
Overheard by: Ziggy
