Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Promiscuity, Queens, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

And It Doesn't Help That the Ones You Have Keep Disappearing on You

Hippie girl, about friend cheating: So now she won't answer anyone's calls. And her boyfriend said she hasn't come home in a week.
Friend, completely serious: Maybe he killed her for cheating on him and is calling everyone, acting worried.
Hippie girl: Are you serious right now?! She is probably staying with the guy she's been cheating with.
Friend, looking ashamed: Sorry, I've been watching way too much SVU.
Hippie girl: You need to make friends when you go back to Boston!

–Washington Square

Posted on July 13, 2010
Crime and Punishment, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Gossip, Hippies, Infidelity, Murder, Parks, Washington Square Park

Jesus: And It Wasn't the Hospital!

Guy: So, he was in the hospital for three weeks.
Girl: Wow. Wait–you mean three days, don't you?
Guy: Whatever.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Hospitals Suck

Posted on June 28, 2010
Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Parks, Questions, Time, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Do This Again. 'Til Nex Time.

20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."

–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights

Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.

–St. Mark's & 1st

Overheard by: spead

White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich

Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?

–5th Ave & 90th St

30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on June 16, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, BJs, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Internet, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Lies, Marriage, Men, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

WTFday One-Liners

Buff guy with tattoos: I wish I could just stop time and fuck them all!

–42nd St

Mime on cell: Who the fuck is this?

–2nd Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Jesse D

Man pacing back and forth on cell: Yo! What the fuck is up with your fucking friend Chris? He just smiled at me and said "I'm going to fuck your wife tonight," and walked away laughing. What the fuck is that all about? (pause) What! You're working a double tonight? The fuck you are! Fuck this shit! I'm coming to get you after I get off.

–210th St & Bainbridge Ave

Overheard by: Gutterlush

Thug on cell: Lavender, potpourri… Whatever the fuck you want, they fucking got it.

–Washington Square Park

Guy on cell, angrily: Yeah, well, I never want to see you again because you're such a bitch. (pause) Whatever, fuck you! (pause) Fuck me? Fuck me? (changes tone) You wanna fuck me? (pause) Yeah, I wanna fuck you, baby… (pause) Yeah, okay, I'll be right back.

–Chelsea Market

Posted on June 9, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friendship, Guys, Insults, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Street, The Bronx, Threats, Thugs, Time, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Will Leave You Spellbound

Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.

–Washington Square Park

Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."

–86th St Subway Station

Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Melissa

Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.

–50th & 9th

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bosses, Clerks, Crying, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Stupidity, Subway Stations, TV, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Smug, Superior Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile.

–Washington Square Park

Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles.

–R Train

College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee.

–Williamsburg

Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis?

–Hunter College High School

Posted on May 12, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ethnic Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hunter, Laughter, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Questions, Sorority Girls, Teachers/Professors, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg

The Village Is Utterly Devoid Of Them

Teenage delinquent #1: We shoulda gone to the pier. There's gay people at the pier.
Teenage delinquent #2: There's gay people at the pier?! Shit! I wanna see some gay people.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 6, 2010
Gays and Lesbians, Parks, Teens, Thugs, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires

Danny DeVito Is Awesome

Girl #1: My friend looks like a penguin.
Girl #2: Like seriously, black and white?
Girl #1: He even owns a full body penguin costume.

–Washington Square

Posted on April 10, 2010
Birds, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Physical appearance, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners' Cocktail Hour Started Back in the Eighties

Cop to another: Are you drunk yet?

–Corner of 145th St

Frustrated-sounding NYU student to friend: Well, why don't you get a girl and you can just pretend she's drunk?

–Washington Square

Future rabbi: So my philosophy professor, Lenny Kravitz, told us we'll be drinking scotch in class tomorrow…

–4th & Broadway

Drunk black guy arguing on phone: Man, you need to stop drinkin'. Not only is yo speech gettin' slurred, but yo brains is gettin' slurred too!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Ashley

Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he's Austin Powers.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: thivnav

Posted on April 7, 2010
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