Man on bike to group of girls on bench: I touch myself at night!
Girls: (applaud)
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Sunny
Man on bike to group of girls on bench: I touch myself at night!
Girls: (applaud)
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Sunny
Male customer, walking in card store: Do you have any dirty cards? Like really dirty, nasty cards?
Sales lady: What do you mean… Like porno cards? We have…
Male customer: No, I mean something nasty, really nasty. Like really mean cards.
–Upper West Side
History teacher: Does anyone have any thoughts they'd like to share about the reading? Any strong opinions?
Girl: I want to share! I have a strong opinion! Can I share?
History teacher: You want to share, Amy*?
Girl: Yes!
History teacher: Go ahead.
Girl: Never mind.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Father: And the ending of the story…
Little girl: I don't like this story!
Father: Don't you want to know how the story ends?
Little girl: No! I don't like it!
Father: And the ending of the story is: the mermaid's brain just kept exploding forever and ever and ever. The end.
–Indian Road Cafe, 218th St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.
–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave
Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!
–N Train
Overheard by: I want some ribs too
Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!
–Baxter St & Walker St
Overheard by: Kristin
High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.
–86 St
Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!
–Downtown F Train
Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!
–11st St & 3rd Ave
Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum?
–City Hall New York Sports Club
Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita!
–Union Square
Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it!
–23rd St
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r.
–R Train
20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better.
–Bond St
Blonde chick to friend: So I ran into that guy and confronted him. I was like, "why didn't you say hi to me last Friday? I know you saw me, but you didn't say anything. Listen, if you're going to sleep with me Thursday night, you can't just not say hi to me on Friday. I know it's common for a lot of businessmen to sleep with prostitutes and then ignore them the next day when they see them on the street, but they pay them. If you're going to ignore me, fine… but I expect a check in the mail."
–Outside NYU Gramercy Green Residence Hall
Overheard by: Molalala
Girl to friend: Prostitutes don't have negative connotations.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: anonymous
Drunk 20-something male to two 20-something girls: Is it Jewish tradition to go to Amsterdam when you're 14 to get laid by a black prostitute?
–14th St & 2nd ave
Grad student to girlfriend: You know, it's funny. Before I met you, a skanky girl was just a skanky girl. Since we've been dating, when I see a skanky girl, I have to ask myself, "is she turning tricks?"
–Uris Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Wonders how they met
Man to friend, about a woman hailing cab: Wow, she looks really expensive.
–18th & 7th
Conductor over PA: Attention passengers, ladies and gentlemen, this is the train to… Um… Where the hell are we going? Train to somewhere. Let's go somewhere!
–LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Rob T Firefly
NJ transit conductor: If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the front two cars. If you are wearing your headphones, I don't want to hear you complain later. (five minutes later) If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the first two cars. If you are confused about where the front of the train is, it's the way we are facing and the way the train is moving. Just turn the same way the train is moving and walk up to the front two cars.
–Penn Station
Conductor: This is a downtown 1 train. Sorry, an uptown 1 train. The next stop is 110th. Actually, the next stop is 103rd. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Samantha
Conductor: Next stop is Wall Street. Wall Street, where they compromise everything.
–Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: Ellen
Angry conductor: We apologize for the delay in service while the police inspected the train. Contrary to popular belief, there are no dead people on this train.
–Downtown N Train
Overheard by: Dead Men Can't Talk
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped because of… Because of… Fuck! I don't know.
–6 Train
Blonde: But I want my money to have personality.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Late Night Doritos
Guy in Sweeny Todd t-shirt: Oh my god, we have to go back, we forgot the cardboard! How can we make money without cardboard?!
–McDonald's, 3rd Ave
Eastern European man: I never waited for an ATM in my life! What the fuck!?
–Bank of America, University & 14th
Well-dressed middle aged woman: Money is so expensive these days…
–Filene's Basement, Union Square
Overheard by: Bargin Shopper
Woman in line for general admission, to companion: An $18 museum? You'd better look at fucking everything, and touch some stuff too!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Tom
First grade girl #1: When I grow up, I wanna be a seal trainer!
First grade girl #2: When I grow up, I wanna be a seal!
–Sea Lion Exhibit, Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: helenathegreat
