Black hobo to passing tourist: Where you from?
Tourist: Ireland.
Black hobo: You Irish?
Tourist: Yeah.
Black hobo: Well, god bless the Irish. And god bless the Italians. And fuck everyone else!
–8th Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Doug Tischler
Black hobo to passing tourist: Where you from?
Tourist: Ireland.
Black hobo: You Irish?
Tourist: Yeah.
Black hobo: Well, god bless the Irish. And god bless the Italians. And fuck everyone else!
–8th Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Doug Tischler
Bus driver: We have no more room on this bus. There is another right behind me.
Angry black woman in line: Let me on!
Bus driver: Look, lady, there is no room on this bus!
Angry black woman: You won't let me on because I'm black!
Black teen: It's not because you black, nigga, it's because you a stupid selfish motherfucka.
–M14 Bus
Overheard by: Student Teacher
African American bank employee: Ma'am, it's not Chase's fault that you had to go to a Citibank at 4 am because there was a homeless man sleeping in the Chase lobby. We cannot refund the $1.50 fee that Citibank charged you.
90-year-old woman: He was Caucasian! Can you believe it?
African American bank employee: Ma'am, even Caucasians can be homeless.
–Chase Bank
Teenage hippie: Are we at Queens yet?
African American man: Yeah, duh.
Teenage hippie: How can you tell?
African American man: See those trees? Trees don't grow in Brooklyn. They only grow in Queens.
–J train
Overheard by: Charlie Zhen
Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Dazzle
Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich
Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!
–45th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Culturally Challenged
20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.
–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant
Overheard by: elephantgiraffe
Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.
–McCarren Park Pool
Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people
Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."
–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave
Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: J.D.
Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!
–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?
Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.
–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings
Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: MattyB
Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.
–31st St & 7th Ave
30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?
–D Train
Large black girl: Damn, elephant dicks is so disgusting! I don't want no uncircumcised dicks! (to white guy walking by) I know you is circumcised, baby!
White guy (without slowing down): Long and cut.
Large black girl: Damn! I want me a dick like that!
–Outside Veniero's, 11th St
Overheard by: Just here for coffee
Ghetto woman: She raped a 12-year-old boy?
Ghetto man: Yeah, she just opened the door and grabbed him and started fucking him.
Ghetto woman: Damn, that nigga probably went back and told all the Boy Scouts!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Skyler Fox
History teacher: And who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
White girl: Thomas Jefferson.
Black boy: Oh, I was gonna say “George Jefferson.”
Black girl: “George Jefferson” is the name of the chicken place by your house, fool!
–LaGuardia Arts High School
Overheard by: George Jefferson
Black lady #1: Do you like cheese?
Black lady #2: Cheese?
Black lady #1: Cheese…
Black lady #2: (…)
Black lady #1: Cheese, cheese!
–New York Port Authority
Overheard by: Igor Petrov
