Reach Out & Touch Wedneday One-liners

Teen girl on cell: …Can you believe he wanted me to stick my hand in there and touch it?…Yeah, I did it…Oh, it was huge! He said it was really big, but damn! And it’s long, too!…Uh, the head is an
average size, I guess…I like how it feels…Okay, why is the spotlight on me?…Different people are giving me that “what the fuck” look…Oh, shit! Ha, ha, ha! You’re right. Hold on…Chill, everyone! I’m talking about my boyfriend’s pet snake, not his
penis…Okay, continue.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton Mall

Overheard by: Shanny O.

Posted on August 2, 2015
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, The Village, Times Square

…and you’re the next douchebag

Hipster: Man, it’s like…SoHo’s becoming the next Williamsburg.

–SoHo

Posted on August 1, 2015
Brooklyn, Hipsters, Manhattan, People, Places, Soho, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liner: The World's Oldest Profession

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor.

–Ave A & 4th St

20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing!

–Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Claire H.

Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Holly

Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about.

–B Train

Overheard by: Free Love

Posted on August 1, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bosses, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, Musicians, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Prostitution, Sex, Street, Thievery, Time, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'

Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.

–W 34th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.

–Men's Bathroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Phil

Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.

–Lawton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eric Frazier

Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)

–Penn Station

Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Robert H

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Clothing, Crazies, Girls, Guys, Height, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

Yeah, That’s What I’ll Miss the Most

Guy #1: He left me yesterday.
Guy #2: What a cock sucker.

–E 2nd St & Gravesend Neck Rd

Posted on July 30, 2015
Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Gays and Lesbians, Nicknames & name calling, Queer guys, Relationships

Try and Die, Motherfucker

Old creepy guy: You're a pretty lady.
Random lady, walking by: Thanks
Old creep guy: I should kidnap you

–Tour De Brooklyn Rest Site

Overheard by: Amber

Posted on July 29, 2015
Beauty, Brooklyn, Compliments, Creepsters, Old People, Parades & Festitivites, Strangers, Threats, Violence, Women

In Brooklyn? Your Editors Are Shocked.

Lady #1, pointing at imitation Cap'n Crunch: Get those, it's the same thing.
Lady #2: No, he won't eat those.
Lady #1: Well, then he's an asshole.

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on July 28, 2015
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fakes, Food, Insults, Women

I Told Them to Bring Us Back Some Barbeque

Street vendor #1: Socks! Socks!
Street vendor #2: Your kids and my kids are down in the underworld together.

–Court & Livingston, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sean McGurr

Posted on July 28, 2015
Brooklyn, Clothing, Family Ties, Kids, Street, Vendors & Street Performers

Ironic, but Not without Hope

Chick #1: What’s going on with these shopping carts?
Chick #2: It’s the race where people get drunk and dress up in stupid costumes.
Chick #1: Costumes?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: Oh! I saw five guys dressed up as apostles down on Bedford earlier today! I thought they were just being ironic.

–Franklin Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on July 28, 2015
Brooklyn, Clothing, Friends