Wednesday Onesie Liners

Woman on cell, loudly: No, no, my baby's getting fixed that day!

–5th Ave

Yuppie thug in three-piece suit, loudly on cell while riding escalator: So you sayin' it's mines? How you know it's mines? Naw naw, how you know? Bitch, kiss my ass! If they ain't been no muh-fuckin DNA test, then they ain't been no baby sprung up outta my dick! I ain't no adoption agency!

–Borders, Penn Station

Overheard by: IJustWanttoBrowseMadonna'sBrother'sTell-AllinPeace

20-something male on cell: What did I tell you about having sex with people who have babymama problems? That's why I gave up my crush on Bristol Palin.

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Topical

Black lady with stroller: Ohhh, no. All y'all are not fitting into this car. Stop pushin' up on my baby. Y'all need to back that shit up now. (baby starts crying) What do you want? What do you want? Are you having hot flashes? Cause I know I am. Jesus!

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Alie

Black woman: Of all his babymamas, why he alway bothering her? He has all these babymamas and he's always bugging her. She must still be puttin' out.

–34th & Broadway

Very young pregnant woman purchasing cigarettes on: What the hell kind of difference does what you eat have on what kind of baby you have?

–Nostrand & Dean, Crown Heights

Overheard by: Siobhan

Posted on August 3, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Baby Mama/Daddy, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Smoking, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Yuppies

Do Wednesday One-Liners Measure Up?

Eastern European in velour jumpsuit, approaching guy on street: Sup, cuz. Hey, remember to give it to Ricky tonight for that thing tomorrow. It's a good size. Alright, see you later.

–89th & 3rd

Overheard by: Ben A

Girl to friends: And then she was like, "yeah, let me look at you with my weirdly oversized eyeballs."

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: iwn2000

Female suit on phone: We need to get them! (pause) No! They're too big! They won't fit in the hole!

–Broadway

Guy: Masculinity is determined by the size of your (slight pause) army…

–Millennium High School

Little girl, carrying tiny stick: Look! I have the biggest stick in the world!

–Central Park

Posted on August 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Eurotrash, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Height, Kids, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Strangers, Street, Suits, Upper East Side, Vagina, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Can’t Get My Stick Out of His Mouth!

Dad throwing baseball for son: Go get it!
Mom: Your son is not a dog!
Dad: But he likes to play fetch!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: sean

Posted on August 2, 2015
Brooklyn, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Man's Best Friend, Moms

Reach Out & Touch Wedneday One-liners

Teen girl on cell: …Can you believe he wanted me to stick my hand in there and touch it?…Yeah, I did it…Oh, it was huge! He said it was really big, but damn! And it’s long, too!…Uh, the head is an
average size, I guess…I like how it feels…Okay, why is the spotlight on me?…Different people are giving me that “what the fuck” look…Oh, shit! Ha, ha, ha! You’re right. Hold on…Chill, everyone! I’m talking about my boyfriend’s pet snake, not his
penis…Okay, continue.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton Mall

Overheard by: Shanny O.

Posted on August 2, 2015
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, The Village, Times Square

…and you’re the next douchebag

Hipster: Man, it’s like…SoHo’s becoming the next Williamsburg.

–SoHo

Posted on August 1, 2015
Brooklyn, Hipsters, Manhattan, People, Places, Soho, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liner: The World's Oldest Profession

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor.

–Ave A & 4th St

20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing!

–Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Claire H.

Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Holly

Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about.

–B Train

Overheard by: Free Love

Posted on August 1, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bosses, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, Musicians, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Prostitution, Sex, Street, Thievery, Time, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'

Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.

–W 34th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.

–Men's Bathroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Phil

Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.

–Lawton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eric Frazier

Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)

–Penn Station

Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Robert H

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Clothing, Crazies, Girls, Guys, Height, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

Brooklyn