Old lady to young man helping her carry heavy bags: What a nice gentleman! Thank you!
Young man: I am not from here. If you go to Texas, you would not have to carry bags anymore!
–Midtown
Overheard by: SH
Old lady to young man helping her carry heavy bags: What a nice gentleman! Thank you!
Young man: I am not from here. If you go to Texas, you would not have to carry bags anymore!
–Midtown
Overheard by: SH
Woman to friend: I woke up, and he was fucking my ear! Fucking my ear! Fuck. Ing. My. Ear!
–Walker & Canal
Overheard by: office peon
Girl on cell: So yeah, he just kinda turned to her, handed her some napkins and told her to prepare herself for a good fingering.
–New Jersey Transit
Girl in school hallway: Nasty little tenth graders having sex in the stairwells…
–Bard High School Early College
Guy to another: There's only three things people need in this world. Sex. Food. (pause) Yeah, okay, that's it.
–125th & Lexington
Student #1: (makes elaborate point with with ample hand gesticulation)
Student #2: Oh wow. You just made love to me with words.
–113th & Broadway
Crazy lady: Santa ain't comin' to Brooklyn! And I'll be drunk tomorrow, don't you ring my bell! (gets off train and leaves bag. 20-something guy gives it to her) Have we had sex before!? We should have sex! I like you! (doors start closing) We should really have sex!
–C Train
Yuppie to French friend: That's the first thing you learn in husband school. Unless you really like doing the laundry, the first time you do it turn everything pink. The second time, turn everything pink.
–Metro-North Line
Overheard by: 2,563 times later my dad still turns everything pink
Teen girl: I love the color brown an' shit.
–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Suit to another: Oh, Charlie, don't you know not to wear green on Thursdays?
–Flatiron Building
Stoned guy: Whoa, it's the roygbiv, like, having a threesome.
–Dream House, Tribeca
Brunette: I saw a mess of pink and black on the floor, and I knew it was Michelle.
–Jake's Dilemma Bar
Overheard by: TCS
Black man handing out leaflets: Your feet are like chicken nuggets, and I want to eat them!
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex Bailey
Father to toddler: Well, what if I go crazy and bite your butt off?
–M&M World Store
Hispanic man to friends: Yo, man–I eat that pussy from *behind*!
–61st & 3rd
NYU guy: No, I don't condone cannibalism. Though I could see why you think I would.
–NYU Elevator
Overheard by: queenofscots
Art humanities professor: As you may have learned from the bible or emo music, Jesus was crucified.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Molly Moo
Suit to another: Wow, there used to be a forest on your head. You look like an Irish Jesus.
–Office Building, 8th Ave
Overheard by: sitting in my cube with my ears wide open
Chick in miniskirt and fishnets: Fuck, it's cold! Jesus forgot to pay his heating bill!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Amber Star
Man to friend as they cross an intersection: Jesus Christ used to walk everywhere, so why can't we? You know whah-I'm-sayin'?
–Midtown
Overheard by: Ferna
Screaming fan girl, watching Robert Patterson sparkling shirtless in the sunlight: He's Jesus!
–14th St Regal Cinemas
Overheard by: laughing despite herself
Asian chick: Does he praise Jesus? Does he drink Scotch?
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Shringle
Girl #1: He's just like Edward Scissorhands.
Girl #2: Yeah, he's like, just so awkward. But he's so cute you just want to give him a hug.
–NYU Student Center
Gay boy, after being interrupted mid-sentence: I am in the middle of a conversation! When you do that, you look like a rude bitch.
Rude bitch: I am!
–Marymount Manhattan College Cafeteria
Overheard by: Devnel
Random guy sitting at bar: I just wanted to let you know that your freckles are truly beautiful.
20-something girl: Uh…thanks.
Random guy sitting at bar: Ya, a girl without freckles is like a night without stars.
–Murray Hill Bar
Girl, scratching her arm: I have a bug bite; it itches.
Guy: You think that's bad? I have a genital wart.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Fox
Coworker #1: See any good costumes this weekend?
Coworker #2: Yeah, I saw this one guy dressed as Borat. You know, with the like thong-leotard thing?
Coworker #1: Oh, wow.
Coworker #2: Yeah…it was really ballsy of him.
–Broadway & Walker
Overheard by: office peon
