The United Colors Of Wednesday One-Liners

Yuppie to French friend: That's the first thing you learn in husband school. Unless you really like doing the laundry, the first time you do it turn everything pink. The second time, turn everything pink.

–Metro-North Line

Overheard by: 2,563 times later my dad still turns everything pink

Teen girl: I love the color brown an' shit.

–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Suit to another: Oh, Charlie, don't you know not to wear green on Thursdays?

–Flatiron Building

Stoned guy: Whoa, it's the roygbiv, like, having a threesome.

–Dream House, Tribeca

Brunette: I saw a mess of pink and black on the floor, and I knew it was Michelle.

–Jake's Dilemma Bar

Overheard by: TCS

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Questions, Stoners, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Three is Company, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Star in Dude, Where's My Brother?

Black man handing out leaflets: Your feet are like chicken nuggets, and I want to eat them!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Father to toddler: Well, what if I go crazy and bite your butt off?

–M&M World Store

Hispanic man to friends: Yo, man–I eat that pussy from *behind*!

–61st & 3rd

NYU guy: No, I don't condone cannibalism. Though I could see why you think I would.

–NYU Elevator

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Black People, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Dads, Elevators, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Kids, Latinos, Licking, Men, NYU, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, Street, The Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Passion Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Art humanities professor: As you may have learned from the bible or emo music, Jesus was crucified.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Molly Moo

Suit to another: Wow, there used to be a forest on your head. You look like an Irish Jesus.

–Office Building, 8th Ave

Overheard by: sitting in my cube with my ears wide open

Chick in miniskirt and fishnets: Fuck, it's cold! Jesus forgot to pay his heating bill!

–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Amber Star

Man to friend as they cross an intersection: Jesus Christ used to walk everywhere, so why can't we? You know whah-I'm-sayin'?

–Midtown

Overheard by: Ferna

Screaming fan girl, watching Robert Patterson sparkling shirtless in the sunlight: He's Jesus!

–14th St Regal Cinemas

Overheard by: laughing despite herself

Asian chick: Does he praise Jesus? Does he drink Scotch?

–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea

Overheard by: Shringle

Posted on March 18, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Classroom, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Music, Office, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And Let Him Trim Your Bush

Girl #1: He's just like Edward Scissorhands.
Girl #2: Yeah, he's like, just so awkward. But he's so cute you just want to give him a hug.

–NYU Student Center

Posted on March 16, 2009
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Hugs, Movies, NYU

Every Episode Of Will and Grace, in a Nutshell.

Gay boy, after being interrupted mid-sentence: I am in the middle of a conversation! When you do that, you look like a rude bitch.
Rude bitch: I am!

–Marymount Manhattan College Cafeteria

Overheard by: Devnel

Posted on March 16, 2009
Biotechs, College, Compare/Contrast, Insults, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes

New Yorkers: “Stars?”

Random guy sitting at bar: I just wanted to let you know that your freckles are truly beautiful.
20-something girl: Uh…thanks.
Random guy sitting at bar: Ya, a girl without freckles is like a night without stars.

–Murray Hill Bar

Posted on March 15, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Physical appearance

Only One? Pussy.

Girl, scratching her arm: I have a bug bite; it itches.
Guy: You think that's bad? I have a genital wart.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Fox

Posted on March 14, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insects, Private Parts, STDs

Unfortunately, I Mean That Literally

Coworker #1: See any good costumes this weekend?
Coworker #2: Yeah, I saw this one guy dressed as Borat. You know, with the like thong-leotard thing?
Coworker #1: Oh, wow.
Coworker #2: Yeah…it was really ballsy of him.

–Broadway & Walker

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on March 13, 2009
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Movies, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners Without Emotional Attachment: Myth or Reality?

Dressed up overweight 20-something girl to another: We're in our 20s. We're like supposed to be slutty, right?

–Norman & Diamond

Overheard by: Guess I missed the memo 20-something girl

College girl to another: You gotta hit it and quit it, like a dude!

–W Broadway & 108th St

Overheard by: Tess

Janky fat woman: He never told me not to tramp!

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Rob

Loud thug with neck tattoos on cell: You know Stud is my son, dude. Stud just wanna hump on women all day.

–Deli, Myrtle Ave, Fort Greene

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Hipster chick to another: I was wasted! Then I saw him in daylight and said "Holy shit!"

–Havemeyer, Grand Street, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Miss Heather

Lawyerly woman to another: I told him that just because I want to fuck does not mean that we have to love each other.

–Foley Square

Overheard by: Julio

Random guy to cute girl: Good luck, honey. What you wake up with, you're stuck with.

–Jimmy Steiny's, Hyatt Street, Staten Island

Posted on March 11, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Fat People, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Horny, Lawyers, Love, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sex, Sorority Girls, Staten Island, Street, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesdays Will Let Go Of the One-Liners When They're Damn Good and Ready

Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the doors are closing, don't throw yourselves at them.

–Uptown 6 Train

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, use all train doors. This is not a high school cafeteria line. Use all doors!

–C Train

Conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors. Please. Folks, I am not kidding, stand clear of the closing doors. Unless you like that whole cut-in-half look, then go right ahead and stand in the way.

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: queen

Conductor: We are not auditioning for any amateur doormen today. Please let go of the closing doors.

–1 Train

Overheard by: RG

Door controller: Ladies and gentlemen, if you keep the doors open we will be here till Christmas. So don't do it.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Vedant

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen in the first car, please let the doors close. (people keep the doors open) Excuse me, please let the doors close. (people keep the doors open) Ladies and gentlemen, if you do not let the doors close, I will bite you. (doors close)

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: amused passenger

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Threats, Time, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

Compare/Contrast