Woman #1: Do you want sugar cookies, or chocolate chip cookies?
Woman #2 (about 5 feet away, studying nutrition facts): Hmm?
Woman #1: Would you prefer fucking sugar cookies or chocolate fucking chip?
Woman #2 (coming over): What are you talking about?
Woman #1 (yelling): Which fucking cookie do you want?
Woman #2: Hm, you choose. (walks away)
–The Food Emporium, 48th St
Hipster #1: And so then she said, “I'm not even turned on, I just think you're retarded…”
Hipster #2: Oh, dude. Did you guys still have sex?
Hipster #1: Yeah, it was okay.
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: Rachel
Middle aged black woman on cell: Does your mother know we're married yet?
–Forever 21, Union Square
Overheard by: Sophie
2nd grader: See! This is what happens when a man marries another man! They get divorced!
–22nd & Lexington
Angry man to woman: They just had to get fucking married two days before fucking Christmas!
–Century 21
Overheard by: Amina
Dejected guy, slumping on stairs: Will you marry me?
–11th St & b/w University Place & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex Bailey
Guy on phone: She already said yes, so I don't have to get her a ring, right? (pause) Well, why do I have to get her a ring if she already said yes?
–18th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jessica Bergin
Middle aged man: So all you gotta do is pick up a gray squirrel holding an acorn, squeeze his belly, and hear him make real squirrel chatter.
–92nd & Lexington
Latina girl on cell: Chill the fuck out! Groundhog Day isn't till like June or some shit!
–PETCO, Union Square
Overheard by: Max
Girl: I tried a lot of things before I started kicking small animals.
–15th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rijita
20-something guy to another: They cost a lot but they live forever. If you get a group of like 20 elephants, you're invincible.
–1 Train
Female student: But how else would you transport the elephant?
–34th St b/w Park & Madison Ave
Eight-year-old boy, running hellbent through playground, to friend: I could tell you about Archelon, the largest evolved turtle, but there isn't time.
–Riverdale
Overheard by: Someone else's mom
Guy on cell: It was kind of like sexually penetrating cows…
–E 55th St
Overheard by: TiffanyLyn
Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?
–Ave A & 10th
Overheard by: Kira
Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny
Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!
–24th & 7th Ave
NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.
–Kimmel Center, NYU
Overheard by: lollin.
Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: J J
Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.
–L Train
Overheard by: ooshua
Girl #1: You're a leaky sink of sentiment.
Girl #2: What the fuck does that mean?
Girl #1: I don't know.
–Central Park
Preppy white guy: I'm sorry, but you can't.
Hippie white chick: Bite my junk, bitch!
Preppy white guy, sighing: Okay, I'll see you at dinner.
Hippie white chick: Later! Love you!
–Henry St & Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn Heights
Guy shoving himself onto a full train: Maybe if y'all moved a little I would fit!
Incredibly irate guy being shoved: Maybe if I punch you in the fucking face you'll get off this train so the doors will close!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McJensen
Girl #1, walking past NYSC: We should be working out like them…assholes.
Girl #2: It's fine, we are doing more productive things.
Girl #1: More productive than working out? Like what?
Girl #2: Going out, drinking, eating, and shopping!
–Wall Street
MTA worker: Buy a ticket.
Guy banging on turnstile: Nooooo.
MTA worker: Buy a ticket.
Guy while diving under turnstile: No! Fuck you!
–SoHo
