Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Carry a Tune in a Bucket

Bum walking dog, singing: Tired of looking for love in all the wrong places, ejaculating on all the wrong faces…

–72nd St & Columbus

Overheard by: Asset

Drugged-up guy singing a song to girls on subway platform, to the tune of "Earth Angel": Earth angel, earth angel, would you be mine? Earth angel, earth angel, would someone loan me money so I can bribe her to take me hoooome…

–Union Square Platform

Overheard by: Thankfully not an earth angel

Cop #1, singing to cop #2: Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee..!

–6th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Jatmos

Blind panhandler, singing: Can’t take my eyes off of you…

–R Train

Young hobo, singing: Gimme some money, bitch, I need a fuckin’ pen, so I can write a sign…

–St Mark’s Place

Greyhound bus driver: We’re pulling up to Port Authority now. [Sings] My Greyhound brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours, damn right, it’s better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. La la la la la- New York City! La la la la la -almost there.

–Geyhound, Port Authority

Overheard by: carly, gina, and jenna

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Coworkers, Cum, Druggies, Gripes, Guys, Handicaps, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Music, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Retards & Handicaps, Singing, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

You Big, Gay Little House-Watcher

Guy on cell: There was Laura Ingalls and the mean one… What was her name?
Passerby: Nellie!

–Entrance, A Train

Overheard by: TRUE

Posted on April 26, 2008
Default, Guys, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Strangers, TV

Wednesday One-Liners: the Best of Cities and the Worst of Cities

Guy: Yeah, he has this obsession with white weasels. It’s just very New York, you know?

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Kate

White Girl: I’m leaving this city, it’s all just bed bugs and bad drugs.

–Queensboro Plaza

Overheard by: Zach

Prudish waitress, to another: In New York, you just come to expect cock-on-cock, ass-on-ass talk… In DC, you don’t.

–1 Train

Student to friend: You play the paranoid freak, I will play the egomaniac. We will call it "New York".

–49th & 1st

Thug #1 to Thug #2, while observing typical, plain, Midwest vacationing family getting off a tour bus: Get back on that bus! This New York! You can’t handle this shit! [Teenage kids smile. The father, absolutely horrified, grabs the kids and throws them back on the bus.]

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Bunk Moreland

Posted on April 16, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Only in New York, Sexuality, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater & Dance, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, Travel, U.S. Geography, Waitresses, Weirdness, White People, Words

It’s So Nice That We Can Talk Like This

NYU girl: Wait, do you live with Paul?
NYU guy: Uh, yeah.
NYU girl: Oh. I don’t know who that is.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Nick M.

Posted on April 15, 2008
Default, Girls, Names, Questions, Students, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Edwar Ramirez Threw a Puck Right Past Henrik Lundqvist

Businessman #1: Have you ever rode on the subway before?
Businessman #2: Yeah, last time I was here, we took it to a Yankee game. I think they were playing that other New York team, the Rangers.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Stef

Posted on April 14, 2008
Default, Names, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Stupidity, Suits

In the Shallow End of the Gene Pool

Red-dressed hipster chick at the bloc party concert: Bloc party?
Hipster boyfriend: Yeah, it’s the band name, stupid.
Red-dressed hipster chick at the bloc party concert: Why don’t they just call it pool party? …I mean we’re in an effing pool!

–McCarran Pool, Brooklyn

Posted on April 8, 2008
Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Default, Girlfriends, Hipsters, Music, Names, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Suck at Scrabble

Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity

Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: jaded library dweller

Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.

–L train, 3rd Ave stop

Overheard by: katiebeans

Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.

–56th & 5th

15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.

–210th St & Bainbridge Ave

Overheard by: gutterlush

Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’

–JFK

Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty

Posted on April 2, 2008
Airports, At the Airport, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Default, Education, Fag Hags, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girl-on-Girl, Girls, JFK Airport, Kids, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, Queens, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Stray from the Syllabus

Professor: Old people will sign anything.

–Brooklyn College

Professor: What do you guys think of this poster? It annoys me. I would wear this on a t-shirt just to annoy people.

–Pratt Institute

Sociology professor: New York is a megalopolis, while Boston is only a metropolis, although Bostonites would argue that… Bostonites… Bostoners… Bostonians? Pshhh, whatever.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

Philosophy professor, drawing: Here is the world… Here are some birds… And people. Here’s someone… Here’s someone hitting someone with an ax. Some people do axings… Some people don’t.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: no axings!

Old professor with French accent: Hot climate is associated in this book with passion or sex. I think that I, for example, really never did have sex in a sub-zero temperature.

–NYU Cantor Film Center

Overheard by: suddenly surrounded by students’ awkward snickers

Sociology professor: I’ll tell you a story that most people laugh hysterically at, but it actually makes me really sad… Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on April 2, 2008
Age/Aging, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn College, Classroom, Clothing, College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Fordham, Foreigners, Heat, Insults, Laughter, Murder, Names, NYU, Old People, Philosophy, School and studying, Sex, Teachers/Professors, The Village, U.S. Geography, Visual Art, Weapons, Weather, Weirdness, Words

Excuse Me, That’s “Stuh-ray-et”

Tourist #1: This is us.
Tourist #2: You sure?
Tourist #1: Yup, Cay-null Street.

–N train, Canal St station

Overheard by: sara n.

Posted on March 31, 2008
Chinatown, Default, Languages, Names, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourism, Tourists, Words

“Titanic,” before the Script Doctor

Chick: Hey, how’s it going?
Dude: Hey, wassup?
Chick: Not much. It’s so weird to see you outside.
Dude: I know. I told you I lived near you.
Chick: Oh, yeah. I remember now.
Dude: What are you doing here?
Chick: Heard the coffee here is pretty famous.
Dude: Yeah, it is.
Chick: Anyways, I gotta go, but do you even know my name?
Dude: No…
Chick: What? I know yours. Tony, right?
Dude: No. I’m Dennis.
Chick: Oh, shit. Okay, Dennis. I’m Sonia. Anyways, gotta go. I will see you again, okay?
Dude: Alright. Bye.
Chick: Bye.

–Central Park

Posted on March 29, 2008
Central Park, Coffee, Default, Girls, Guys, Names, Parks, Questions, Sex & Relationships

Names