Wednesday One-Liners Up the Wazoo

Guy on cell: Wow! That's a lot of cookies. If I had that many cookies, I'd put a couple of them in my ass. (pause). It doesn't matter, I've got the space. I can't eat that many cookies.

–23rd & Lexington

Teen girl to teen boy: Unless you want a 9 millimeter stuck up your asshole.

–Grand Central Terminal

Girl on cell: Well, it's still rectal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something girl to 20-something guy, quite loudly: Yeah, but putting a metal spike up his ass wasn't exactly what I had in mind!

–28th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Jar Aaron

20-something woman: Baby, I think we're going to keep the Thanksgiving dinner out of my asshole.

–Herkimer St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: M. Fresh

Posted on August 2, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Boys, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Food, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Teens, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Glad We Cleared That Up

Elderly woman on cell: Rhoda! Rhoda! It’s Esther! DID YOU CALL ME? NO? Oh, well someone called me! I can’t believe it! Why would someone call me on this thing?! All I want to do is be able to make a call, I don’t want to have to deal with these messages and things!

[Makes another call] NORMAN?! NORMAN? You called me?! Why in the world would you ever call me?! NORMAN?

[To the rest of the car] It was my husband.

–Penn Station-bound LIRR, near Jamaica Station

Posted on July 31, 2020
On Cell, On the Subway, Queens

Wednesday One-liners, Fashion Dos and Don’ts

Girl: I didn’t know my brother was going to be at the party! And he was in a sarong!

–Park Ave S & E 25th

Guy on cell: No, no. You can wear hats on the internet.

–Smith & Wyckoff, Cobble Hill

Posted on July 29, 2020
Brooklyn, Fashion, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners

Wednesday One-Liners Are Dimmer Than a Flintstones Night Light

Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stupid.

–The Flame Diner, 58th St & 9th Ave

Woman to man: But they were only stopping the dumbasses… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.

–W 66th St & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

(Blonde is having trouble hailing cab during rush hour)
Gypsy cab driver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stupid!

–116th & Broadway

20-something guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stupid you are.

–4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: Glad I’m not dating him

Girl: Alexis, we’ve been over this. You’re stupid.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Crosby

Bimbette, yelling into cell: Yo! Look who you’re talking to–I’m not exactly the smartest person in the world!

–Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: dumb as a rock

Posted on July 27, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just “Sociable”

Drunk gay man: I've slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Overheard by: Let his own mom win that contest

Woman to man: I don't want to be known as the whore of New Yorkers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It's just sex. There's no way you guys can ever be permanently tied, or anything.

–Macy's

Preppy, middle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Bookstore, Brooklyn

Overheard by: -she probably said

Posted on July 26, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Parents, Preppies, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Store, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Now the Hallucination’s Speaking to Me

Guy on cell: Um, I think I just saw Tony Danza ride past me on roller blades.
Tony Danza: Yeah, ya did!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Long Distance Learner

Posted on July 11, 2020
About Celebrities, B-List, Central Park, On Cell

One Life to Wednesday One-Liner

Five-year-old boy to father: Is this an important life lesson?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ignoring him: Hey, let's go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here often?

–Union Square

Overheard by: serena

Woman, throwing McNuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Elliot

Frantic crazy guy: I'm gonna go have a seat in Starbucks and get my life together!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Overheard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that's life, you screw people over and then you go to the Bahamas.

–Train into Penn Station

Posted on July 6, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Dads, Ethnic Food, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Philosophy, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Where Else Can You Get Labia Jewelry on the Street?

Man selling glasses on the street: Would you like a piercing today?
Woman on phone: Hang on… What?
Man selling glasses: Would you like to get a piercing today?
Woman: Would I like a…? No, I would not like to get a piercing today. (back into phone) I love New York.

–St. Mark's St

Overheard by: Logan

Posted on June 23, 2020
Fashion, Offers and requests, On Cell, Only in New York, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”

Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.

–Fulton & Gold

Posted on June 18, 2020
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Backdoor, Body Parts, Breaking Up, College, Crime and Punishment, Death, Fordham, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Pop Culture, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, The Bronx, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, We Love Our Pets

Thank God the Wednesday One-Liners’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Poogins

Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!

–10th Street & 3rd Ave

Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!

–Times Square Office Building

Overheard by: SUSAN

Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.

–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.

–On the Bus

Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."

–15th between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Disunionsquare

Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]

–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square

Posted on June 3, 2020
A-List, About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Black People, Buildings, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Crazy, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Homeless, Hootchies, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Street, Thugs, Time, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women

On Cell