Medsday One-Liners

Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!

–Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Paper

Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center

Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.

–Kings County Emergency Room

Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital!

–Nassau St & Ann St

Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on September 16, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Death, Directions, Doctors, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Hard Drugs, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Medicine, Nurses, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-liners Move to the Big Apple

Girl on cell: No, no, I’m not anywhere near there…No, I’m in Manhattan City, visiting a school.

–NYU Bookstore, Washington Place

Overheard by: Meghan

Posted on September 15, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Girls, NYU, On Cell, School and studying, Students, U.S. Geography

It’s All Greek to Me

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.

–Midtown office

Posted on September 8, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Babies, Foreigners, Grocery Stores, Ground Zero, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, People, Places, Poop, Pop Culture, Port Authority, Queens, Shoot, Suits, Times Square, Topics, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Women

Welcome to the Wednesday One-Liner Positioning System

Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I'm directly under it right now.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we'll go now. Okay. Right now, I'm at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I'm on the downtown side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I'm on the corner of fuckin' somethin' an somethin'.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I'm at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don't know!

–West Village

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we're at 7th Avenue.

–G Train

Posted on August 13, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Up the Wazoo

Guy on cell: Wow! That's a lot of cookies. If I had that many cookies, I'd put a couple of them in my ass. (pause). It doesn't matter, I've got the space. I can't eat that many cookies.

–23rd & Lexington

Teen girl to teen boy: Unless you want a 9 millimeter stuck up your asshole.

–Grand Central Terminal

Girl on cell: Well, it's still rectal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something girl to 20-something guy, quite loudly: Yeah, but putting a metal spike up his ass wasn't exactly what I had in mind!

–28th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Jar Aaron

20-something woman: Baby, I think we're going to keep the Thanksgiving dinner out of my asshole.

–Herkimer St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: M. Fresh

Posted on August 2, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Boys, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Food, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Teens, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Glad We Cleared That Up

Elderly woman on cell: Rhoda! Rhoda! It’s Esther! DID YOU CALL ME? NO? Oh, well someone called me! I can’t believe it! Why would someone call me on this thing?! All I want to do is be able to make a call, I don’t want to have to deal with these messages and things!

[Makes another call] NORMAN?! NORMAN? You called me?! Why in the world would you ever call me?! NORMAN?

[To the rest of the car] It was my husband.

–Penn Station-bound LIRR, near Jamaica Station