English teacher, discussing Huckleberry Finn: So, how does Huck make the distinction between the “right thing” and the “clean thing”?
Ditzy Asian girl: Well…it's like…when you're murdering someone and you strangle them instead of stabbing them.
–Stuyvesant High School
Brown girl: Oh my god, did you see the new Cheetah Girls movie? The one where they go to India? It's so offensive!
White friend: To what? Cheetahs?
Brown girl: Brown people?
–Stuyvesant High School
Midwestern tourist dad: Next we're going to the Empire State Building.
Six-year-old daughter: How far is it? Do we have to walk?
Midwestern tourist dad: Yes, it'll be fun.
Six-year-old daughter (in super whiny voice): Why? It's too far, I don't wanna walk!
Midwestern tourist dad: It'll be fun, we'll see the sights along the way.
Six-year-old daughter (on the verge of a tantrum): But I don't wanna!
Midwestern tourist dad (in very calm and soothing voice): Well, you can walk with us, or you can just lay down and die.
–5th Ave & 38th St
Woman to boyfriend: You're jealous, aren't you? Why are you jealous?
Boyfriend: I'm not jealous, I'm just sad for myself.
–14th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Xtine
Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."
–SoHo
Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.
–The Village
Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!
–Chinese School
40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?
–GameStop, Park Ave
Overheard by: Jake C.
Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.
–43rd & Madison
Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!
–Queens
Overheard by: amused cashier
Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.
–Church St Post Office
Overheard by: deshaunicus
Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.
–15th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B
20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!
–Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: M.F.
White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.
–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.
–Crocodile Lounge
White guy to friend: Do they eat Thai hookers? I'd eat a Thai hooker.
–47th & Lexington
30-something pudgy guy: So this girl was eyeing me the whole night, and it turns out she was a prostitute! And I was like, "Man! I thought she really liked me!"
–Bleecker St & 6th Ave
Girl in tight purple dress and too much makeup, shouting to friend: I am not a prostitute. I'm a ho!
–Phone Booth, Coney Island
Overheard by: not going there
Mom to son: I'm not a two-dollar hooker! More like a…hundred thousand dollar one.
–Park Ave
Elderly man to another: You just can't run a country like a whorehouse.
–12th St & Ave A
Girl on cell: You stole my secret prostitute name!
–7th Ave & LeRoy St
Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kansas
Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.
–Coffe Bar Lounge
Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth
Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Joy
Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.
–Stuyvesant Square
Overheard by: Peanut
Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: Austin G.
Professor, to deaf student's interpreter: Do you deal with "fuck" and "shit" and all that?
–Pratt Institute
Mother to bickering daughters: Let me tell you something: you two bags are the only motherfuckers I got left!
–21st St & 35th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula
Young woman in burqa on cell: And Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that bitch thinking?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny
Girl on cell: And he said, "I am trying to learn here!" and I said, "fuck you!"
–112 & Broadway
Overheard by: Nathan
Hobo: I was in Nantucket when I lost my bucket! Then I said, "fuck it!"
–Union Square
Overheard by: Stacy
Woman crying to friend: I don't want to do the fucking SAG Awards!
–Bryant Park
Chipper, young, possibly gay guy with afro to random woman, after switching seats and moving closer: Sorry to bother you, but I just had to tell you this. I have this book of all these, like, African kings and queens and princesses and stuff. And I just had to tell you that you look just like one of the African queens in it. Like, just like her! Oh, I wish I had the book with me! I would show her to you.
–Q Train
Overheard by: katiek
Super-irate hippie chick in braids, yelling on cell: Thanks to you, everyone thinks I'm a fucking freak. Everyone looks at me like I'm fucking Pearl from the fucking Scarlet Letter!
–Court St & Bergen
Overheard by: Siobhan
Young deli clerk on phone, in confidential tones: William Shakespeare! Shakespeare!
–4th Ave & Bergen St, Boerum Hill
Cockeyed old man in hat to Strand employee: Where are the regular books?
–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway
Annoying rich girl to friend: So I got a library card so I can read more, but then I realized that I don't like used things and I stopped going.
–Bookstore, 71st St & Lexington
Girl (outside of her AP English classroom): Wait…Huck Finn never had syphilis!
–Stuyvesant High School
Woman to friend helping her find a book: You don't have to worry about giving away the ending. I know what happens to those six million people.
–The Strand
