Drunk chick: Apparently there are lots of guys here tonight who have slept with me that want to sleep with me again, and also a few here that have not slept with me that want to!
Friend: Really?
Drunk chick: Yeah! And it's a good thing I've changed, because if I hadn't, I'd be fucking everything in sight right now.
–Bathroom, Beer Garden in Astoria
Overheard by: ALi
Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."
–SoHo
Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.
–The Village
Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!
–Chinese School
40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?
–GameStop, Park Ave
Overheard by: Jake C.
Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.
–43rd & Madison
Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kansas
Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.
–Coffe Bar Lounge
Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth
Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Joy
Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.
–Stuyvesant Square
Overheard by: Peanut
Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: Austin G.
Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.
–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th
Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!
–25th St & 7th Ave
Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren
Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.
–Cooper Square
Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?
–Columbia University
Bro #1: Dude, I fucked her two nights ago and she keeps calling me. Fuck that bitch, I can get so much better pussy.
Bro #2: I love motion sensor dispensers…it makes me feel like I have The Force.
–Bar Bathroom, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Manc
Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Andres
Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wants to know why!
Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!
–Hudson & Charles
Overheard by: lilli
Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: TOD
Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!
–94th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sargeant Pants
Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh…
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Julia
Teen girl, calmly: My nigga, I only got one car, and I need that car to kill my momma.
–125th & 5th
Overheard by: Caroline
Loud Eastern European man to older guy: If I get you car, you get me woman. Woman for fucking! (gestures a jackhammer motion)
–Union Square
Overheard by: BK
Surprised woman: $15,000? Tonya! For $15,000 you could've bought a car, gone to a psychologist and finally learned how to drive!
–Park Ave & 39th St
Girl on cell: He drove his truck into the pool. No…he drove his truck into the pool. So, I just hope it's not because he was doing something stupid.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Pretty Sure He Was Doing Something Stupid
Man on bike on cell: There ain't no peanut butter in the car.
–West 4th & Sullivan St.
Overheard by: Anna P.
Screaming guy, sticking head out of cab during traffic jam: Fucking three inches per hour!
–Greene St, SoHo
Overheard by: seb
Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?
–R Train
Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?
–Nederlander Theater
Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.
–89th & Broadway
Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!
–Broome St
Overheard by: Kate
Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.
–Classroom, NYU
Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?
–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: Tara
Female student #1: Yeah, I think I'd sleep with a guy just so he wouldn't kill me. It'd be pity sex.
Female student #2: That's not pity sex, that's rape!
–Columbia University Library
Overheard by: MizBehavior
Drunk guy #1: I haven't really done anything past missionary.
Drunk guy #2: Dude, why?
Drunk guy #1: Well I did do this one where she bent over and my balls kept on smacking her ass.
Drunk guy #2: Doggie style?
Drunk guy #1: No, not doggie style, I've seen dogs fuck, and it wasn't like this, like my balls were really smacking her ass, it made a sound. I watched dogs, their balls don't make a sound like that. It was like a smack, you know.
–PATH Train
