Cuba Gooding Jr: “Show Me the Wednesday One-Liner!”

CEO on phone: Fuck you! Just get me the things I need to make money.

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Older man wearing yarmulke, screaming into cell: Hi! I think I left a check for $19,000 in the armoire, can you check if its there? (pause) Oh, good! I was so worried! I will deposit it tomorrow! (pause) Yeah! I'm going over the bridge! (pause) Okay? I gotta go! Bye!

–Q Train

Frustrated girl on cell: I've only got a metro card and $20! I can't take the bus!

–85th & Columbus

Overheard by: Jesse D

Female student: My dad didn't pay two $200,000 for me to be a bartender.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Greg

Singing hobo: I work hard for the money, I work hard for the money, so you better work hard for me!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: DRC

Bursar office attendant: All we do is take yo money.

–Pratt Institute

Posted on March 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Central Park, Clerks, College, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Office politics, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Singing, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

‘I’ Before ‘E’, Except After ‘C’, or in Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s weird, it feels like I’m still alive.

–W 8th & Broadway

Guy: I still think surprise necrophilia is weird.

–Robert Louis Stevenson School

Overheard by: Lucas

Man to woman companion: I hate single people. They’re all weird.

–90th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Man on cell: February is a weird month for Jews.

–9th St. and 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Trader Joe’s employee to another: No, I would not call her weird. It takes a lot for me to call somebody else weird because I am not the most normal person on the planet myself. Meow!

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: Ingwall

Observant girl: Just because you get weird haircuts doesn’t mean you’re smart.

–Bowery & Rivington

Posted on March 12, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hair, Insults, Judaism, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Because I Can Totally Work a Carpet Steamer

Girl #1: Boys make me so angry. Sometimes I think about changing teams.
Girl #2: You can't just “change teams”. You have to be picked for that team.
Girl #1: What? How do I get picked?
Girl #2 (laughing): You have to clean the carpets of all the team members.
Girl #1 (after pause): What kind of team are we talking about?

–12th Street

Overheard by: Team Player

Posted on March 9, 2015
Anger Management, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Private Parts, Questions, Street

Inside Every White Girl Is a Black Panther Trying To Get Out

Female driver to chubby crossing pedestrian: You gonna die, honkey!

–City Island Ave

Overheard by: Sam

Posted on March 7, 2015
Cars and Driving, Death, Nicknames & name calling, Strangers, Street, The Bronx, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think Of It As “Long-Term Borrowing”

Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough.

–Metro-North Rail

Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend!

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: STC

Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oneofmanymikes

Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay.

–94th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: venniblue

Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right?

–Broadway & 21st St

Posted on March 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Rich people, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

We Imagine This with a Rap Beat to It

Cabbie #1: Fuck you! Fuck you!
Cabbie #2, getting out of car: No, fuck you! You are the fucking garbage!
Random guy, leaning out window: Shut up! Shut. Up!
Cabbies: Fuck you!

–3rd Ave b/w 9th & 10th

Posted on February 27, 2015
Cabbies, Guys, Insults, Street, The Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not Hot for Teacher

Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that."

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Student

Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: a note of chocolate?

Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher

Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!

–L Train

Overheard by: Misshellee

Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.

–Bard High School Early College

Posted on February 27, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Body Parts, Bosses, Death, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, School and studying, Science, Street, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

“That'sa Spicy Wednesday One-Liner!”

Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.

–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room

Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Kayla Monetta

Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."

–E 10th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: molina1230

Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.

–Brooklyn College

Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Not hungry either

Posted on February 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guidettes, Italians, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Porn, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Strangers, Street, Students, The Village, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Anything For the Sex Crazed Is de Facto Okay

Girl #1: It’s so weird that I used to do online dating. I guess I felt like, because it was Nerve.com, it was okay, because Nerve is for the sex crazed.
Girl #2: How many people did you sleep with?
Girl #1: Eight.
Girl #2: Wait a second– do you really like sex?
Girl #1: No, not really.
Girl #2: Good, me neither.

–Bleecker & Charles

Posted on February 24, 2015
Dating, Girls, Lower Manhattan, Sex, Street

Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student!

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD?

–Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca

Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good!

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment.

–Pratt Institute

Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first.

–Austin St, Forest Hills

Posted on February 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Crazies, Education, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Languages, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires