Does a Wednesday One-Liner Shit in the Woods?

Puzzled guy on cell: What kind of girl calls you a "cuddly wuddly bear" and doesn't go out with you?

–The Village

Overheard by: Greene

Hobo: Hey there, folks! I'm Yogi Bear! Have you seen Ranger Rick?

–Gray's Papaya

Overheard by: Zach

Woman on cell: I'm glad the evil bear didn't kill you in your sleep!

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk girl to sober companion: Oh my god, I saw this dog the other day. It was a bear!

–Tick-Tock Diner

Outraged girl on cell: She's anti-polar bear?

–NYU Campus

Overheard by: nina

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Hot dog stands, Man's Best Friend, Murder, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, The Village, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Has His Cake and Eats One-Liners, Too

Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like.

–L Train

Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual.

–69th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ana

Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much.

–Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Modern Guilt

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Or Do I Know You from Right Girl's Island?

Asian lady in geisha costume, passing out fliers: Lunch specials, grand opening, fresh sushi!
Black dude: Excuse me, but me and my friend had a bet…are you dressed like girls from the movie Memoirs of Engagement?

–53rd & Lexington

Overheard by: An

Posted on April 28, 2009
Asians, Black People, Clothing, Ethnic Food, Flyer people, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Questions, Street

It's a Law!

Indian hipster on cell: Yeah, man, no worries. I want to see you guys. I'll definitely finagle my way uptown somehow.
Crazy hobo, jumping alongside hipster: Yeah! You gotta finagle! How else would you get there? Finagle, man, you gotta finagle!

–Bowery & Broome

Posted on April 24, 2009
Crazies, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, India Indians, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Money & Class, On Cell, Street, Wishes & desires

Who Needs Performance Art When You Have Hobos?

Hobo sitting on bench: Hey man, wanna buy some soap?
Yuppie: Nah… (walks away)
Hobo: Ma'am, would you care for some shoes?
JAP: Hell, naw. (walks away)
Hobo: Hey fella, want to buy some peanut butter?
Old Asian guy, happily: Yes, please!
Hobo: I'm sorry, brother, I don't have any on me. I just wanted to do some product research for a project I'm doing. (pulls out a roll of toilet paper and a sharpie, rips out one square of toilet paper, and writes “peanut butter”)

–23rd St

Posted on April 24, 2009
Asians, Food, Hobos, JAPs, Offers and requests, Old People, Science, Shoes, Street, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

No Wednesday One-Liner Left Behind

Rangers fan, about two players who are brothers: No, they're like the same age. They've gotta be like four or five months apart.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: helenathegreat

Blonde to blonde friend, looking outside from Legally Blonde theater: Oh, wow, it's still light out.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jaime and Bridget

Girl to friend: I don't even know how long ago one minute ago was.

–New Year's Eve, Times Square

Overheard by: Kristina

Girl, pointing to turkey walking around: Look at the peacock, it's so pretty!

–Central Park

Lady on cell: I told her she was an ungrateful b-i-c-t-h!

–14D Bus

Overheard by: Evan Wilson

Posted on April 22, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Birds, Central Park, Family Ties, Football, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Madison Square Garden, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Street, Stupidity, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Hope It's Just Like Riding a Bicycle

Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?

–48th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jnaz

Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!

–The Water Club, 30th & FDR

Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date

Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.

–F Train

Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!

Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.

–L Train

Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!

–Union Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Casey

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Height, Idiots, Infidelity, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, News, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Time, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Homogenization of Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.

–Union Square

Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message

Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia

Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.

–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber

20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: spf

Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?

–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: onelinerwonder

Posted on April 22, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Ethnic Food, Fag Hags, Fears, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Height, Insults, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Penis, Pictures, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Shoes, Shopping, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

One Wednesday One-Liner to Live

Woman, pushing baby in stroller through flock of pigeons and hearing him laugh hysterically: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life.

–76th St

Overheard by: jaytro

Guerrilla Top of the Rock marketer: Carpet munching can get you far in life.

–Rockefeller Center

Twelve-year-old girl at Tila Tequila's book signing: This is the greatest day of my life.

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: Helene and Kristina

Short fat white woman to tall older man: Well, I really have no problem with spending life in jail. I really don't.

–Father Demo Square

Man, not moving: This place is draining the life out of me.

–IKEA Store

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Train operator: This is a life-altering bound r train. Prepare to be amazed. Next stop, Nirvana.

–R Train

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Buddha, Clerks, Fat People, Laughter, Licking, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Prison, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Tweens, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner

Middle aged black woman on cell: Does your mother know we're married yet?

–Forever 21, Union Square

Overheard by: Sophie

2nd grader: See! This is what happens when a man marries another man! They get divorced!

–22nd & Lexington

Angry man to woman: They just had to get fucking married two days before fucking Christmas!

–Century 21

Overheard by: Amina

Dejected guy, slumping on stairs: Will you marry me?

–11th St & b/w University Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Guy on phone: She already said yes, so I don't have to get her a ring, right? (pause) Well, why do I have to get her a ring if she already said yes?

–18th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jessica Bergin

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Breaking Up, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women