Wednesday One-Liners Got the Part!

Conductor in thick Indian accent: Everybody's stressed out on their way to work, but remember you only came on the train with two hands! If you feel a third hand on you, feel free to do whatever you want with it!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: megan rose

Young woman on cell: Daddy? Mommy said you called. Is it about your testicles?

–78th & Lexington

Overheard by: Bob

Man on cell: I just saw this human female walk by with these legs…

–SoHo

Overheard by: Another human female

Passing female coworker: Stick my finger up to the middle knuckle to make sure it's warm.

–31st St

Dorky guy to friends: So then she gets on the table and the next thing you know, one leg is over her head and I just didn't know what to do with myself…

–3rd & 23rd

Overheard by: tila

Jersey lady: Now I have to straddle him, hold on to his ears, and do it.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Wow. Just… wow.

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Balls, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Coworkers, Desi, Friends, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Will Work for Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged woman: My work is better than my personality, honestly.

–40th b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Jim

Girl on cell: But you don't speak English or Spanish good. Baby, you just aren't that smart, how you supposed to get a job?

–Baskin & Robbins Downtown

Conductor: I really don't give a damn whether or not you stand clear of the closing doors, because regardless of where we go I'm still working.

–1 Train

Overheard by: gefilte fish junkie

Hobo, arguing with another: Don't talk to me like I'm yo' job.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Emily

Whiny lady on cell: Yeah, so I think I am allergic to my office. (pause) Oh, no, no, I am positive I am allergic to something in the office. Every time I am in there, sitting in my chair, I get these pains in my back.

–41st St & Park Ave

Overheard by: you still have a job, ungrateful lady!

Hobo to passers-by: Where are you all going? There ain't no jobs.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jillian

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Store, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

An Inconvenient Wednesday One-Liner

Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.

–Gramercy

Overheard by: Max

Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: snow. trust me.

Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: queenofscots

Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!

–W 4th St

Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!

–140th St & Amsterdam

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hotels, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Prostitution, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday's the Most Sensitive Part Of Your One-Liner

Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter (aka

Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!

–Blake St

Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.

–Central Park

20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…

–Grand & Eldridge

Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)

–41st & 8th

Overheard by: S&B at STJ

Posted on May 6, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Babies, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nipples, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Robbing the Cradle, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Call It a “Job” for Nothin'

Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!

–2nd Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Christian

Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.

–West 72nd Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Will

Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wait, What?

30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.

–Central Park

Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.

–87th & 3rd

Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?

–Times Square

Posted on May 6, 2009
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, BJs, Body Parts, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Store, Street, Students, Teens, Time, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day…I pooped. (giggles)

–Q Ttrain

Overheard by: Robert G.

Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?

–Fordham University

Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: SophieMed

Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.

–Sunshine Suites

Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?

–Castle Clinton

Overheard by: B Fraz

20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I prefer to flush

Posted on May 6, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Dreams, Drunks, Fordham, Friends, Guys, Hotels, Kids, Laughter, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Nothing Personal

Hobo, standing too close: Don't worry, pretty girl, you ain't got nothing to be scared of. I won't hurt you.
Pretty girl: Oh, I'm not. (smiles) But you should be terrified, 'cause I'll fuck you up.

–14th St

Overheard by: Lucy Lurks

Posted on May 5, 2009
Fears, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Street, Threats

And a Little Hobo Shall Lead Them

Girl wearing boots, leggings and long sweater to friend: It's so cold!
Hobo: Go put some pants on!

–La Salle & Broadway

Posted on May 5, 2009
Advice, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Street, Weather

When You Unwittingly Help a Tourist, We All Lose Out

Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.

–Houston Street

Posted on May 5, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Ass, Couples, Directions, Insults, Midwesterners, Only in New York, Questions, Street, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, White People

The Make-a-Wednesday-One-Liner Foundation

Lady on phone: Well, I wish I could get the fat removed from my back but we can't all get what we want, can we?

–Target

10-year-old child with mother and younger siblings: I wish I could get a diaper…

–K-Mart, Astor Place

Random smoking kid: I really wish I could smoke out of my ass.

–Lincoln Center

Girl crossing the street: I really wish something would hit me…I need some money.

–Times Square

Overheard by: 3 day tourist

Girl, after receiving gift: This is…this is so great! I'm so happy! Oh, man! I…I wish you had a little penis so I could give it a rub right now!

–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope

Posted on April 29, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Cars and Driving, Diet/Weight, Gifts, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Height, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penis, Should've Used a Condom, Smoking, Store, Street, Surgery, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women