Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Doreen

40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?

–MJ Armstrong's Public House

Overheard by: JP

Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.

–Hester & Grand

Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Posted on December 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Duane Reade, Families, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Rack, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Or a Volkswagen Bug!

(car honks repeatedly at pedestrians crossing against the light and speeds through)
Girl #1: Enough! Ugh! Was that a Prius?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Pfft. If you gonna boss me around, at least do it in a manly car. Like a Civic.
Girl #2: Oh! Or an Acura!

–Mercer & W 3rd St

Posted on December 23, 2008
Cars and Driving, Girls, Street, The Village, Weirdness

Only Apprentice Hoboes Believe Nagging Helps

Hobo: Excuse me, can you spare some change? I'm homeless.
Man: Sorry, I don't have any.
Hobo: But I'm homeless. Did you hear me? I'm homeless! Can you spare some change?

–W 4th & 9th St

Posted on December 23, 2008
Hobos, Homeless, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Street, The Village

Except That I Am Not Having Enough of It

Drunk old man: Ain't nothing wrong with hot butt naked sex! Ain't nothing wrong with it, am I right?
Passing teen girl: Nothing!

–10th & Ave B

Overheard by: In Agreement

Posted on December 22, 2008
Alphabet City, Ass, Backdoor, Drunks, Old People, Strangers, Street, Teens, Weirdness

Paul Reubens Is Really Down on His Luck

Kid on bicycle which is far too big for him to guy jogging by: Damn, mister, it's too hot to be running…wanna buy a bike?

–Carmine & 7th Ave

Posted on December 20, 2008
Guys, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Sports, Street, The Village

And Now Here's Al Roker With the Wednesday One-Liners!

Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.

–Penn Station

Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.

–Penn Station

Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.

–St. John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ang

Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.

–Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus

Overheard by: EthanK

Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!

–Port Authority

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, College, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Men, Music, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Port Authority, Questions, Staten Island, Store, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Female hipster, loudly: I hate those two! They're egomaniacs with low self esteem!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Sullen-looking girl: I guess it's just incumbent on me to be cheerful regardless of the fact that I hate everything.

–Warren St & W Broadway

Overheard by: Tha WB

Girl at Dali exhibition: I hate people. I hate museums. I really hate Spaniards.

–Dali and Film Exhibition, MoMA

Overheard by: Andi C.

Concerned girl to friends: Maybe if we stopped singing Simon & Garfunkel so loudly, people would hate us less.

–Grand Central

Teen girl: I just hate her so much! I'm not even going to Facebook friend her, I hate her so much!

–B Train

Overheard by: Jen

European woman wearing I Love NY shirt, holding Sex & the City box set: I hate Americans.

–Canal & Lafayette

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Eurotrash, Facebook, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Gripes, Happiness, Hipsters, MoMA, Money & Class, Music, On the Subway, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Do It Via Text

Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah…this isn't working out."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I would've dumped him too

Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche.

–Finacial District

Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship.

–Essex & Grand

Overheard by: yaletownkid

Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube?

–Park Slope

Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much!

–West 4th St. Subway Entrance

Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Love, Lower East Side, Lube, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are 99.9% Effective When Used Properly

Middle-aged lady to guy handing out Obama and McCain condoms: Now I've got something to play with tonight! All I need is a man.

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: I Hate Times Square

30-something dad on cell pushing small child in stroller: You know, I'm all in favor of that Plan B medication.

–Park Slope, Prospect Park

Overheard by: Alex

Girl in elevator to friend: I don't even know why you need condoms, they break anyway. But I didn't get pregnant!

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kar

Guy at the sidewalk: Anybody wants McCain, Obama and Palin condoms? McCain, Obama and Palin condoms…get it here! Because either way, you're screwed!

–Times Square

Overheard by: non voter

Girl to bartender: Can I get some of those condoms? (bartender takes out two) I mean, like a bunch? I'm a big dirtbag.

–Boss Tweeds

Suit on cell: You just wrap it in duct tape and put a condom on it.

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Brooklyn, College, Condoms, Dads, Friends, Girls, Guys, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, President, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Our Data Shows a Strong Positive Correlation Between Wednesday and One-Liners

Young woman on phone to friend: I have a fucking physics degree! I can read! He trusts me to run a motherfucking particle accelerator, I can read the mail!

–46th & 6th

Overheard by: Eggmen7

Hobo holding a crumpled napkin high in the air: Science! S-c-…-i-e-n-…-c-e! I did it! Science! Science! S-c-i…-e-n-c-e! I did it!

–Mulberry & Spring

Overheard by: Erica L.

Suit to friend: I'm an evolution science guy. If you want to believe in that nonsense then you gotta admit your god is an underachiever with a good publicist.

–45th b/w 6th & 7th

Woman to teen who has just spilled his coffee on sidewalk: Yeah, gravity is interesting like that.

–35th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jeggy

Male student to female student: Looking out for yourself–the id, the ego–it's part of natural selection, human nature, you know? But there aren't that many people who choose to try to overcome that. Or if there are, I haven't met them. If there's a colony somewhere, I'd like to meet them. Maybe it's just like going to the wrong nightclub, you know?

–Hoffman St & E 187th St

Overheard by: Lucy

Dude on cell: How are you, on a subatomic level?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Friends, God, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Philosophy, Questions, School and studying, Science, Soho, Street, Students, Suits, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Street