We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away

Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?

–Office Building, 32nd & 7th

Overheard by: erkala

Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!

–Toys R' Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Lotte

Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: sal b

Posted on March 26, 2020
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Death, Foreplay, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Height, Hobos, Men, Office, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

…And How Did You Know?

Old, crazy-looking black dude: The problem, James, is that you’re letting pride go to your head!
White college kid whose name probably isn’t James: Who are you?

–Times Square station

Posted on February 15, 2020
Advice, Black People, Crazies, Students, Subway Stations, Times Square

Reader Poll: Should Meth Be Required for Tourists?

13-year-old brunette to tourists: Argh! Move!
13-year-old redhead: These people need to learn the ethics of jaywalking.

–Times Square

Overheard by: emma

Posted on February 5, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Crime and Punishment, Only in New York, Teens, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

New York: Encapsulated.

Shrimpy guy, singing: Summertiiiiiime, and the livin' is easy…
Black guy: Man, the sons be actin' like daughters and the daughters be actin' like sons!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Porgy

Posted on January 15, 2020
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Gender issues, Gripes, Guys, Singing, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Have Lost Their Group

Teenage boy tourist: Times Square is by far the coolest part of New York. It’s almost like heaven!

–Times Square

A tourist is craning his neck to photograph the Empire State Building.

New Yorker: What is he looking at?! … Oh.

–34th & 5th

Tourist: There isn’t anywhere within walking distance.

–53rd & Lex

Overheard by: Not a Clueless Tourist

Hobo, after stealing someone’s luggage: Tourists need to be more careful when they come to New York City.

–6th Ave & 23rd St

Overheard by: BOB Sled

Tourist dropping money in front of frozen female mime he’s been staring at for five minutes: That was truly incredible. Thank you so much.

–Outside MoMA

Tourist: I guess we should go to the Ground Zeroes.

–5th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Sally Tomato

Thug: Just push them out of the way. They’re tourists, they’ll love it.

–Times Square

Overheard by: duffduff

Posted on December 20, 2019
Advice, Empire State Building, Ground Zero, Hobos, MoMA, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs, Times Square, Tourists

How Good Could Its Best Be?

Comedy flyer guy: Come see a comedy show, best in the city!
Thug, passing by quickly: I hate this fuckin city.

–Times Square

Overheard by: CF

Posted on December 14, 2019
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Flyer people, Gripes, Insults, Theater & Dance, Thugs, Times Square

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I can't believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair!

–Church & Chambers

Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don't like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair.

–Central Park, Great Lawn

Girl: Oh, I'm so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn't you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?

–Prince St Cafe

Overheard by: It DID

Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain't my hair, I could really use yours.

–Harlem Polling Station

Overheard by: Joe

Girl yelling into cell: He's not even hairy!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that?

Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he's too bearded.

–113th St

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred