Our Data Shows a Strong Positive Correlation Between Wednesday and One-Liners

Young woman on phone to friend: I have a fucking physics degree! I can read! He trusts me to run a motherfucking particle accelerator, I can read the mail!

–46th & 6th

Overheard by: Eggmen7

Hobo holding a crumpled napkin high in the air: Science! S-c-…-i-e-n-…-c-e! I did it! Science! Science! S-c-i…-e-n-c-e! I did it!

–Mulberry & Spring

Overheard by: Erica L.

Suit to friend: I'm an evolution science guy. If you want to believe in that nonsense then you gotta admit your god is an underachiever with a good publicist.

–45th b/w 6th & 7th

Woman to teen who has just spilled his coffee on sidewalk: Yeah, gravity is interesting like that.

–35th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jeggy

Male student to female student: Looking out for yourself–the id, the ego–it's part of natural selection, human nature, you know? But there aren't that many people who choose to try to overcome that. Or if there are, I haven't met them. If there's a colony somewhere, I'd like to meet them. Maybe it's just like going to the wrong nightclub, you know?

–Hoffman St & E 187th St

Overheard by: Lucy

Dude on cell: How are you, on a subatomic level?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Friends, God, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Philosophy, Questions, School and studying, Science, Soho, Street, Students, Suits, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Are the Low Hanging Fruit on the Family Tree

Man on cell: Hey mom… It's your son! You jackass!

–Bleecker & Mercer

Hot girl to hot friend: Has my brother ever told you his glue stories? (friend shakes head) Well… (begins whispering)

–2 Train

Man shouting on cell: I didn't know she was your sister! Jesus!

–Amtrak Train

Four-year-old to another: I'll be the mother and you the daughter, so you the boss of me.

–Ave D

Woman to friend: Not only is he messing with my marriage, but now I gotta tell my kids they ain't brothers!

–Park Ave & 125th St

Woman to another: …so I was fucking your brother.

–Theatre District

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Apologies, Bimbettes, Family Ties, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

A No Man's Land Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl: So yeah, that was the most interesting lesbian relationship I've ever had, but she left me for her old science teacher. At least you know where you stand with guys. (sighs)

–Macy's

Overheard by: Nathan

Suit nearing retirement, to his department: Did you ever think that Hilary Clinton just has to be a lesbian?

–Office, Midtown West

Man: I noticed I get checked out the most by women when I'm with a woman, so I started hanging around with lesbians and now we pick up women together.

–1 Train

Hobo, to no one in particular: I'm not a thespian, I'm a lesbian. From Hoboken.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Eric

Crazy hobo: Hillary invented the lesbian vote. There was no lesbian vote before Hillary, she created it! Thirty million lesbians all lined up to vote, and you know what you have to do to get the lesbian vote? You've gotta squeeze it. You have to squeeze the lesbian. How do you get orange juice? You squeeze it! You gotta squeeze the lesbian to get the vote!

–E Train

Overheard by: an unsqueezed lesbian

Angry woman on cell: No, I'm not doing the lesbian thing tonight. No. I'll be home soon.

–Outside Lesbian Bar, Hudson St

Overheard by: lady

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Breaking Up, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Fruit, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hobos, Lies, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Questions, Relationships, Store, Suits, Weirdness, Women

When She Told Him to Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, He Finally Lost It

Woman's voice, on speaker: Please move forward on this escalator.
20-something suit, going up the escalator: You can't tell me what to do!
Woman's voice, on speaker: Have a nice day.
20-something suit: Fuck you!

–59th St

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Posted on December 16, 2008
Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Suits, Women

If the Chosen Can't Be Choosy, Who Can?

Upper West Side woman #1: I keep kosher.
Upper West Side woman #2: What about the pork chop and the shrimp?
Upper West Side woman #1: Except for that. And bacon, too.

–Lincoln Towers

Posted on December 13, 2008
Food, Jews, Judaism, Kosher food, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

If We'll All Burn in Hell Anyway, Why Are You Preaching?

Jesus freak on subway: We are all sinners. We commit sins everyday. We will all burn in hell.
Woman next to him: I don't feel that way.
Jesus freak: Oh yeah? What do you do?
Woman: I am a doctor.
Jesus freak: Hah! You murder people everyday!

–1 Train

Posted on December 12, 2008
Christianity, God Squad, Jobs & Careers, Medicine, Murder, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness, Women

You Want a Good Relationship With the Sire of Your Illegitimate Children

Black woman: So he wanted to get married, so I can help him out, and I was all for it, cuz I've know him since I was fifteen, and we're cool like that.
Indian woman: Well, do it then.
Black woman: But then he said he wanted more like a real wife…I can't be anyone's wife, I got me two kids and my baby's daddy might not like it.
Indian woman: Uhhh. Well, then know what you're doing.

–M4 Downtown

Overheard by: Amanda

Posted on December 12, 2008
Black People, India Indians, Kids, Marriage, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, If You Know What I Mean

Woman to security guard: Excuse me, did you see a man with a really large package? I'm looking for a man with a large package. Did he come by yet?

–51st St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rob

LIRR worker, yelling over tracks to another who is carrying huge bolt fastener: Hey! Nice nuts!

–Woodside Station

Overheard by: Jobee

Lab instructor, showing students how to breathe carbon dioxide by blowing into the test tube through a straw: Don't blow too hard, or else the whole thing will come up all over your face.

–Biology Lab, Hunter College

Overheard by: did anyone else catch that?

Very old woman to decorative hardware salesman: It's become such a problem–I just can't seem to keep my knobs tight anymore!

–Gracious Home, 67th St & Broadway

Mother waiting for kid in the bathroom: Billy, will you stop singing and just come?

–Waiting Room, Grand Central

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, BJs, Coworkers, Cum, Grand Central, Height, Hunter, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, Private Parts, Questions, Rack, Security Guards, Store, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It's Complicated”

Man on cell: Listen, you are just not going to meet a young woman who doesn't have a MySpace page, isn't religious, and doesn't want children.

–46th St & 5th St

30-something to friend: Why is it people from the Midwest always ask if you've tried speed dating? It is like the first thing they think of when they hear about a single woman in New York–she must not have tried speed dating yet.

–1st St & 2nd Ave

Girl on cell: I mean, he basically acts like we're living together. But I don't know, like, I almost called him last night and asked, "are we even dating?"

–65th St & 1st Ave

Hispanic lady: I don't need no man, I don't need no man. I got everything I need in my purse.

–Cafe, West Village

Posted on December 10, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Dating, Friends, Girls, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle When They Hear the Word “Penal”

Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!

–A Train, Grand Central

Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Chadwick

50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!

–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lea

Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.

–Prince & Sullivan

Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.

–Q27 Bus

Overheard by: hey! i go there …

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parks, Prison, Rape, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Times Square, TV, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Women