Guy: Where do you keep your pussy enhancer?
Girl: On the shelf, under my Pee-wee Herman doll.
–160th St & Malcolm X
Overheard by: Hanz Shnrub
Guy: Where do you keep your pussy enhancer?
Girl: On the shelf, under my Pee-wee Herman doll.
–160th St & Malcolm X
Overheard by: Hanz Shnrub
Dude #1: Look at me — I’m a hairy beast. I don’t think even I could date myself.
Dude #2: Yeah, man, I don’t think I could even date you — you just wouldn’t be my type.
Dude #1: That hurts, man.
Dude #2: It would be a shitty relationship, anyway.
Dude #1: … Yeah, you’re right.
–Neptune Diner
Overheard by: Nathaniel Jones
Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.
–89th and Park
Overheard by: AeC and jRw
Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.
–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel
Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Tam
Guy #1: That wasn't a dude, though.
Guy #2: That wasn't a dude?
Guy #3: That was not a dude.
–A Train
Overheard by: rick
Guy: So the other night Taryn was over with her kid, and my ex-girlfriend came by and happened to see, and Taryn’s baby is really light-skinned, so now my ex-girlfriend thinks I have another kid that I didn’t tell her about.
Friend: Did you tell her it wasn’t yours?
Guy: Yeah. I already have two kids, I really don’t need another one. Why would I keep it from my mom and my dad and her anyway?
–L train
Overheard by: Mina
Black guy #1: Hey, man! How you doin? You got a dollar?
Black guy #2: No. I don't have no dollar for you!
Black guy #1: Come on, man. It's hot! Gimme' a dollar!
–Myrtle Ave b/w Carlton & Washington Park
Overheard by: Becky Z-Dub
Shrimpy guy, singing: Summertiiiiiime, and the livin' is easy…
Black guy: Man, the sons be actin' like daughters and the daughters be actin' like sons!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Porgy
Average Joe: Short people are insufferable!
Shorter friend: Tell me about it!
–Bleecker St & Carmine St
Overheard by: Lezbotron
Headline by: Jane
Runners-Up:
· “…And They Have Limited Vocabularies and Will Agree With Anything” – Bob
· “I Thought I Just Did.” – Katie
· “That Scene From “The Wizard Of Oz” Was Like Hell on Earth!” – space coyote
· “To Be Fair, He Did Reply in That High-Pitched Cackle” – Kenneth
· “Tom Cruise Is Refreshingly Self-Aware” – Meg
