Wednesday One-Liners Have Wood.

Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist.

–Thompson Square Park

Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin.

–Ave A & 6th St

Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover!

–J Train

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Instruments, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Queens, Teens, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

Tragically Hip Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster girl to friend: I told her it was the wrong kind of plaid. Not all flannels are equal.

–Bowery & Bleecker

Overheard by: but lumberjacks are supposed to be burly men!

Hipster to another: And I was like "Do you want some nail polish for that camel toe?"

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: Shan

Hipster guy singing to self in country twang: Whennnn am I gonna get me sommmme Ugg boooooots?

–4th Ave & 13th St

Hipster guy in eyeliner and mascara: I was being facetious… I would not wear leggings.

–Jamba Juice, 13th St & University

Overheard by: helenathegreat

Hipster girl screaming on cell: I want you to want me to want to touch you!

–Columbus Circle

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Hipsters, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Shoes, Singing, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners and the Law Of the Harvest

Older black woman on cell, screaming: There are no leaves on the floor. No! No fucking leaves on the floor. The fucking leaves are green and still in the trees. Did you hear me?

–7th Ave & W 18th

Ghetto Spanish chick on cell: Oh my god, you got your tree? A pink tree!? Say, word… I'ma come by after work to see your pink tree. I never seen a pink tree before! Is it real?

–4 Train

Overheard by: DCBX

Sad 13-year-old to friend, in total seriousness: Right now… Here in social studies… My FarmVille crops are dying!

–Middle school, Coney Island

Blonde hipster to blonder hipster: So I told her, "you can take everything, but at least leave me the front lawn."

–Gramercy

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Coney Island, Death, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Hipsters, Insults, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, School, Teens, Trees and plants, Wednesday One-Liners

Fun Game: Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”.

Suit on train to giant loud Hawaiian guy on cell: Hey, would you keep it down?
Loud Hawaiian giant: Fuck you, you're prejudiced! I wasn't loud.
Suit: You woke me up! And what's this prejudiced thing, are you Jewish?
Hawaiian giant: Fuck you ! I ain't goin' to jail! Fuck jail!

–NJT Train into Penn Station

Posted on June 29, 2010
Cell Phone, Insults, Judaism, On Cell, Passengers, Penn Station, Prison, Questions, Suits, Trains Not Subway

Like We'd Name a Street For That Guy

Woman on cell inside bus: Yeah, I'm in Kissinger Boulevard.
Bus driver: It's Kissena, hon.
Woman: I ain't talkin to you! (pause) Anyway, sorry… Kissinger. Yeah.

–Q25 Bus, Flushing

Posted on June 28, 2010
Brooklyn, Bus, Bus Drivers, Comebacks, Directions, Names, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Bus, Passengers, Public Transportation

Wednesday One-Liners: Large and in Charge

Exhausted woman with backpack: Why do I have to be so fat?

–42nd St

Gossip Girl clone to another: Oh my god! Can you even imagine being obese in this weather?

–Lafayette & Spring

Skinny gangster white boy: Yo, dude, are we hanging out with those fat chicks?

–96th St & Lexington

Overheard by: great standards

Chubby girl yelling on cell: Yeah, and her bridesmaid dress totally accentuates my back fat–as if I didn't have enough problems!

–47th & 3rd

Posted on June 23, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Dating, Diet/Weight, Gangstas, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Skinny People, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Wiggers, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Play the Moronica

Blonde: There were three of them; they were twins.

–Lunasa Bar, East Village

Guy on cell: You thought you had the right information, but you didn't have your dots crossed.

–B46 Bus

Overheard by: Brooklynluva

Latino girl in park: Don't read it, bitch, just put it on. It's good, it's sunblock. It protects you from the UVs and huh… The HIV positives, or whatever.

–125th St & Riverside

Overheard by: nearby park bather

Middle-aged guy: It took me forever to find this building; it was confusing because all the numbers were written with letters.

–One (oops, "1") E 53rd Street

Posted on June 23, 2010
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Directions, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parks, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Let's Talk About Wednesday One-Liners, Baby

Loud girl on cell: And he was like "we had sex three times, so I owe you an hour of going down on you." And I was like "okay."

–Mount Sinai School of Medicine

Overheard by: Horrified Med Student

Bro to another: Dude, she's practically paying for your train ride to have sex with you.

–W Train

College guys to another: Dude, have you fingered her yet?

–5th Ave

Attractive girl smoking and talking on the phone: Wait! Are you saying you want me to go to your hotel room… right now?

–15th St & Union Square West

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on June 23, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Always Add Up

Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."

–Metro North

Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.

–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art

Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Erika

Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!

–45th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Native Ear

Posted on June 16, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Hipsters, Hot dog stands, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Science, Sex, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Trains Not Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners

What's Black and White and Wednesday One-Linered All Over?

Guy on phone on Halloween night: So I realize it's last minute, but we need a fourth ghostbuster… and you are black.

–3rd Ave

Overheard by: Supertaint

Teenage girl to group of friends: Ya know, I used to think that John Lennon and John Legend were the same person. Every time I saw John Legend I thought, "damn, that's whack that John Lennon would walk around in black face!"

–M116 Bus, East Harlem

Overheard by: NC

20-something black guy to 20-something white girl: It's New Year's Eve, baby–have sex with a black man tonight! Have sex with a black man on New Year's Eve! (girl laughs, turns to look at him) Hey–it don't have to be me! It's New Year's Eve, have sex with a black man tonight!

–Suffolk & Delancey

Passenger, about ghetto kids who just got off train: Damn, they were like the black Jersey Shore!

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: kids these days

Posted on June 16, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Laughter, Lower East Side, Music, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Race, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

On Cell