Maybe She's Born with It? Maybe It's Wednesday One-Liner.

Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Alexis

Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jackie

Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms?

–Grand Central Station

Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it?

–125th St

Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough."

–Bar 9, 54th & 9th

Overheard by: Ladle

Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl.

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit!

–L Train

Overheard by: The City Planner

Posted on June 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Condoms, Crazies, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grand Central, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Passengers, Poop, Preachers, Race, Street, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Mr. Pink

Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey!

–BB King Concert, Christ United Church

Overheard by: bb

Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey!

–A Train

Overheard by: JoshBob

Posted on June 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Brits, Drunks, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Metrosexuals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Port Authority, Security Guards, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Wednesday One-Liners for Stephen Colbert

Suit on phone: The dream was strange…we are in a library …I say something like "it's a liability." Then you said "your mom's a liability." That was it…I don't know.

–Gramercy Park

Overheard by: POLA

Young suit to another: The world is not your oyster!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Amy

Suit to another, as 30-something woman in skirt and high heels passes by: Yowza! And that ends our case study!

–Madison Ave & 40th St

Overheard by: Casey

Stressed female suit: No one gives a fuck anymore. Everyone's just gonna do what they want. And any further complaints can be directed to my ass.

–University St b/w 8th & Waverly

Middle-aged Asian man in three-piece suit on cell: I mean, how can I live like Bond if I'm married?

–46th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: dr. no, i dont do

20-something female suit on cell: Baby, I would love to go to dinner, but you have two options: dinner or sex. I only have time for one.

–27th St & Park Ave

Posted on June 1, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Asians, Ass, Bryant Park, Dreams, Family Ties, Insults, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Sex, Street, Suits, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Cute, Cuter, Wednesday-One-Linest

Portly young woman browsing dress for herself, nonchalantly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it doesn't come in fat-ass-bitch size.

–Target, Brooklyn

20-something girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wanna punch you in the face!

–135th & 5th

Overheard by: Howzith

Middle-aged woman on cell exiting bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talking to the bus driver–he was really cute!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: B44 rider

Student fundraiser to passerby: Taiwan needs help! Hey, you're cute enough to help Taiwan!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter version of this bald guy I slept with in a closet over the summer!

–14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rob Lovett

Posted on May 31, 2015
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Gyms, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Punch, Sex, Shopping, Store, Strangers, Street, Students, The Village, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

What's “Wednesday One-Liner,” Anyway?

Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it's normal?

–51st St & Lexington

Overheard by: jake-e

Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C'mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you're dead. Get up.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: I guess not a normal person

Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what's normal and what's, like, super above normal.

–Hunter College

Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now–like a normal person.

–Museum of Natural History

Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn't be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Posted on May 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Death, Friends, Girls, Hunter, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museum of Natural History, Nerds, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Politicians, Politics, Public Transportation, Questions, Religion, School and studying, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

We Need to Know Whether to Get Them the Kama Sutra or Some Motor Oil

Guy to girl: We don’t know if they’re sleeping together or just commuting together.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: V. Johnsen

Posted on May 29, 2015
One-liners, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-liners Swipe Again

Conductor: Attention, passengers. If you’re waiting for the E train, dream on! It isn’t running at all! So get on here and wait for further instructions!

–A train

Overheard by: DJ Ranma S

Posted on May 28, 2015
Conductors, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation

The People's Republic of Wednesday One-Liners

Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like!

–Museum of Natrual History

Overheard by: Heather

Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: James

Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis.

–11th & 3rd

Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags)

–Canal St

Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian!

–Murray Hill

Overheard by: sab

Posted on May 27, 2015
Advice, Asians, Biotechs, Body Parts, Bouncers, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Chinese, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Friends, History & Geography, Insults, Laughter, Museum of Natural History, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Race, Street, Stupidity, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

The Wednesday One-liners Red Eye

Stewardess lady: If there is a sudden change in cabin pressure, a mask compartment above your seat will open automatically. If this happens, quickly reach for the nearest mask and pull it down firmly. Continue to breathe normally. If you are travelling with a small child, or someone who acts like a small child, please secure your mask and then assist them.

–JFK

Overheard by: Amy