Wednesday One-Diners

Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.

–Allen & Delancy

Overheard by: wba2101

Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.

–Times Square

Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!

–8th St & Greene

Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!

–Uptown A Train

20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.

–4th St & Ave B

Posted on September 22, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B & T, Crying, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fashionistas, Food, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Stupidity, Time, Times Square, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around

Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.

–The Met

Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .

–William & Beekman

NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!

–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park

Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!

–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA

Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.

–JFK Airport

Posted on September 22, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, College, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, JFK Airport, Medicine, MoMA, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, Security Guards, Should've Used a Condom, Students, The Met, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

You Can't Handle the Wednesday One-Liner!

Girls on bench: Is US weekly magazine, like, the only one that's true?

–Central Park

Man on cell, crossing street: And I told that Jewish cunt that everything she's heard about black men is true, and I'm gonna stick my foot in her fucking mouth.

–46th St & Madison Ave

Bum conversing with Bible-toting teens: Yes, it's in the Bible… But is it true?

–Union Square

Skater boy: Most things aren't true.

–72nd St & Amsterdam

Posted on September 15, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Central Park, Christianity, Christians, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Judaism, Lies, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pop Culture, Questions, Race, Skaters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

You're No Body 'til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Ghetto girl to group of friends: And I was just like "Oh my god! No, she didn't! Not with that nose!"

–C Train

Guy: You could fry an egg on her stomach.

–Union Square Green Market

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Indian cougar: I just like the feeling of a nice hard young male body.

–Bowery St

Overheard by: Dj bj

Woman showing pictures on camera: And this is da one where I'm givin' him da deaf eyes…

–West Village

Overheard by: Cass

Woman on cell: Never once have I opened my legs to anyone… besides you.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt Martin

Teen to friend: They said it wouldn't be fair for me to fight her cause she ain't got no fingers.

–Outside Erasmus High School

Posted on September 15, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, India Indians, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Where Are They Now?: Wednesday One-Liners

Old lady to friend: You know who I feel sorry for? Yoko Ono.

–Central Park West

Female suit on cell: I once gave Carrot Top a massage.

–UCB Theater

Overheard by: Robert

Ghetto girl on cell: I know you ain't no Jay Leno and I don't speak Avatar!

–Fort Greene

Sober guy to drunk older guy: You know what you look like?? You look like a fucked-up Bobby Brown.

–3 Train

Woman at outdoor cafe: She's not that bad, she's more Snooki than Fran Drescher.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on September 1, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Film, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Language Barrier, Movies, Music, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Suits, Theater, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

5-to-7-Day Liners

Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.

–Frying Pan Bar

Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.

–NYU

Overheard by: Leslie

Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: The Trooper

Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.

–Park Ave & 29th St

Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!

–123rd St & Manhattan Ave

Posted on September 1, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Laughter, Licking, Menstruation, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!

–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum

Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Emily Faxon

Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!

–Macy's, 7th Ave

Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.

–10th St & University

Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.

–62nd & 3rd

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fat People, Guys, Kids, Moms, Museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Retail Therapy, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourists, Travel, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Would Shoot Jodie Foster to Impress You

Girl on cell: You have a mini what? Stalker? (pause) Do you mean "mini" like a little person? Or like only partial stalking?

–Park Ave & 77th St

Woman to friend: No wonder that guy is stalking you! You told him everywhere you were going!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sarah

Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, hold on a minute. I gotta cross the street to stalk this girl.

–Times Square

Overheard by: creeped out

Mother to daughter, indignantly: No, it's not stalking! It's called being resourceful.

–16th St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Harassment, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Street, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Find It Difficult to Sit Down

NYPD emergency service cop to man carrying very large hamster in a cage: Whoa, did you pull that out of someone's butt?

–50th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Well we're in the neighborhood for it…

30-something to friend: She has everything up her ass but a cock.

–Broadway and Waverly

Tall man to short lady behind her wearing backpack: If you shove that bag any further up my ass, it'll be coming out my mouth!

–Downtown 5 Train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

20-something boyfriend to girlfriend: First I let you put a dildo up my ass, and then you call me a faggot!

–2nd Ave & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Joe

Gay man: Oh. My. God. What kind of friend puts eels up your ass?

–52nd St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Cops, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Friends, Friendship, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Make Beautiful Music Together

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen