The Passion Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Art humanities professor: As you may have learned from the bible or emo music, Jesus was crucified.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Molly Moo

Suit to another: Wow, there used to be a forest on your head. You look like an Irish Jesus.

–Office Building, 8th Ave

Overheard by: sitting in my cube with my ears wide open

Chick in miniskirt and fishnets: Fuck, it's cold! Jesus forgot to pay his heating bill!

–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Amber Star

Man to friend as they cross an intersection: Jesus Christ used to walk everywhere, so why can't we? You know whah-I'm-sayin'?

–Midtown

Overheard by: Ferna

Screaming fan girl, watching Robert Patterson sparkling shirtless in the sunlight: He's Jesus!

–14th St Regal Cinemas

Overheard by: laughing despite herself

Asian chick: Does he praise Jesus? Does he drink Scotch?

–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea

Overheard by: Shringle

Posted on March 18, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Classroom, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Music, Office, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Little Wednesday One-Liners, Big World

Woman to another: So he had this four foot midget, and he was wearing an Obama mask.

–50th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: jellybean

Stoned hipster: I'm short, right? So, like, I feel so close to the ground right now.

–3rd Ave & 11th

Waiter sticking head out of restaurant, to short bald guy: Hey! Are you a little bit of luck?

–35th & 10th

Guy selling comedy show tickets: Yeah! It's a comedy show! Yes, we've got drunken midgets and everything. No, you can talk to me, I'm not trying to sell you drugs!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Avigdor from Jericho

Frat guy to buddies: Is that the place with the midgets under the bar that take care of you while you drink?

–H&M, Broadway-SoHo

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Fashion, Frat Boys, Handicaps, Height, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Physical appearance, President, Questions, Soho, Stoners, Store, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Eyed-Trouser-Snake-Liners

Middle aged woman on cell: You will never see your penis again! No more penis! Is that punishment enough for you?

–82nd & Columbus Ave

Black man to friend: None of them jeans fit, cuz my cock is just too huge, nigga!

–Steve & Barrys, Mariners Harbor Staten Island

Overheard by: Samantha

Sister to brother leaning on her crossed leg: Excuse me, I feel like your pee-pee is resting on my foot.

–7 Train

Latina to friend: He did everything short of taking out his penis and smacking him with it!

–Jerome Ave, the Bronx

Chick: Man, I just feel like there are a lot of penises and penis information in my life lately.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister E.

Middle aged man on cell: But does she know about King Dong, the penis pump?

–Stuyvesant St, Manhattan

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brothers, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Girls, Height, Latinos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sex, Sisters, Staten Island, Street, Stuyvesant Town, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…Depending Upon Whether or Not You Can Count Past “2”

Shop assistant: Would you like a $3 discount or $5 discount?
Aussie girl buying shoes: Well, that's a stupid question!
Shop assistant: No! That's not a stupid question!

–Shoe Store, 42nd St

Overheard by: ALINA

Posted on March 17, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Foreigners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Questions, Shoes, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

Greg's Been Acting So Macho Ever Since He Learned About Silent Consonants

Hip soul dude: You gonna push me, woman?
Hip soul chick: I'm not pushing you, baby.
Hip soul dude: That's right, you best not or I'll go off, remember–I'm the man who put “p” in “schizophrenic.”

–Henry & Montgomery

Overheard by: Ziggy

Posted on March 17, 2009
Brooklyn, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Questions, Threats

What Vision Quests Are Like in New Jersey

Jersey skank #1: And I had to go to this bar, Big Sleazy, all by myself!
Jersey skank #2: Big Sleazy all by yourself?

–55th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Syddles

Posted on March 16, 2009
B & T, Biotechs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Weirdness, Words

I'd Prefer to Be Watching Making the Band III

British husband, looking into living room: Isn't this wonderful? So calm and serene. Very relaxing, don't you think,dear?
British wife: Oh, I don't know. It isn't very, you know, puffy…

–Frank Lloyd Wright House, American Wing, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Paul N.

Posted on March 16, 2009
Brits, Couples, Home, Sweet Home, Questions, The Met

New York's Customer Service Has a Distinctive Flavor

Customer: Do you have flypaper?
Store clerk: Yeah. On the counter.
Customer: Does it work on moths?
Store clerk: It should.
Customer: What if it doesn't?
Store clerk: Then move.

–Hardware Store

Posted on March 15, 2009
Advice, Clerks, Customers, Insects, Questions, Store

Kirstie Alley's Kids Were Kind Of Enablers

Tiny six-year-old son: Why do I look so fat?
Mom: (looks puzzled)
Tiny six-year-old son, pointing at his reflection in elevator doors: Look at me, I look fat!
Mom, smiling, relieved: Oh! No, it's just that reflection is distorted, sweetie.
Tiny six-year-old son: Is that why you looked so fat in those pictures?
Mom (after pause): …yes.

–Elevator, Lexington Ave

Posted on March 15, 2009
Diet/Weight, Elevators, Kids, Moms, Physical appearance, Pictures, Questions

We Germans Have Never Lied About Anything

Sales rep: I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't have that specific style here. You could try Saks.
Affluent German woman: The lady at Saks told me to look here! (sniffling) Why does everyone lie to me?

–Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Blacknoise

Posted on March 15, 2009
9 to 5-ers, Fashion, Foreigners, Lies, Questions, Shopping, Store

Questions