Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Doreen

40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?

–MJ Armstrong's Public House

Overheard by: JP

Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.

–Hester & Grand

Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Posted on December 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Duane Reade, Families, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Rack, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Especially Right After She Takes It Out of His Ass

Girlfriend: Oh man, this soda tastes like my foot!
Boyfriend: How do you know what your foot tastes like? It could be delicious.
Girlfriend: Why do you always have to contradict me? I think it's a pretty accurate guess that my foot would not be too appetizing, Christ!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2008
Body Parts, Couples, Drinks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Washington Square Park

Some Couples Really Struggle to Find Commonalities

Woman #1: I don't like being spit on. Do you like being spit on?
Woman #2: No, I don't like being spit on.

–5th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on December 23, 2008
Brooklyn, Gripes, Questions, Smegma, Women

Except for Tuesdays, When I'm Half Navajo.

Mom: Why don't you want to go to that high school?
White daughter: Because there are too many black people.
Mom: I thought you were black…
White daughter: Yeah, I used to be black by association, but now I'm Puerto Rican.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: DL

Posted on December 23, 2008
Girls, KKK, Moms, Penn Station, Questions, Race, School and studying, Weirdness

No One Else Has Problems Like We Do!

Young woman #1: Oh my god, I have to have this handbag. Isn't it gorgeous?
Young woman #2: Oh my god, yes it is! You have to buy it.
Young woman #1: Oh, I am so buying it. I only hope my Kate Spade doesn't get jealous.

–Coach Store, Madison Ave.

Posted on December 22, 2008
Fashion, Questions, Shopping, Store, Women

The Day Monique Got Run Over

Elegantly dressed French lady, speaking to New York Bus Service representative: Excuse me, when does the bus arrive?
Overweight representative, screaming: The port authoritah bus come 'erry ha'f hour!
Elegantly dressed French lady (pausing and turning to French friend): Wow. And I thought my English sucked.

–Terminal One, JFK

Overheard by: James

Posted on December 21, 2008
Fat People, Foreigners, JFK Airport, Language Barrier, Public Transportation, Questions

I Don't Know, I Still Can't Figured Out What Possessed Me to Cum in It

Girl #1: Did you get tested for AIDS?
Girl #2: Yes, but they haven't gotten back to me yet.
Girl #1: Dammit! Why did i drink from your water bottle?

–74th & Riverside

Overheard by: a fox

Posted on December 21, 2008
AIDS, Drinks, Girls, Questions, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Finally, Someone She Understands

Asian Guy #1: You know what I wanna watch?
Ditzy Asian Teen: What?
Asian Guy #1: Talladega Nights.
Asian Guy #2: The story of a man who could only count to one!
Ditzy Asian Teen: Really? There's a story like that?

–68th & Lexington

Overheard by: dog run

Posted on December 21, 2008
Asians, Guys, Movies, Questions, Teens, Upper East Side

From Complaining About the Discharge?

Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat…

–NYU Medical Center

Overheard by: The nurse who just had to hear this story…

Posted on December 20, 2008
Body Parts, Doctors, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Pee, Penis, Questions, STDs, Stupidity

How You Know Your Little Boy is Straight

Employee: I like your pink shirt.
Coworker's 9-year-old nephew: It's not pink; it's white with pink and green stripes.
Employee: So you like to wear pink?
Coworker's 9-year-old nephew: My shirt *isn't* pink! (now shouting) It's white with pink and green stripes and it takes a real man to wear pink!

–Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Synitta Walker

Posted on December 20, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Clothing, Colors, Gender issues, Kids, Not New York, Questions

Questions