Wednesday One-Liners Are Growers, Not Showers

Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: chiddox

Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!

–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx

Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker

Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!

–Times Square

30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?

–7th St & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Juicy

High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.

–Q27 Bus Stop

Overheard by: cough.cough.cough

Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.

–Times Square

Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?

–University & 10th St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Bouncers, Couples, Erections, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Height, Hobos, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sex, The Bronx, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner

Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!

–Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square

Overheard by: Nathan

Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!

–Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg

Overheard by: fanny

Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore.

–Time Square

Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.

–City College

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!

–W Broadway & W 3rd St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Celebrations/Parties, City College, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Lies, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, Poop, Singing, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Learned to Drive Badly in Foreign Lands

20-something guy on cell: In the eight-minute cab ride it went from her telling him he was wearing a cheap coat to her licking his face!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Overheard by: Robert

Conductor: We are not moving because of a switch problem at 125th. If you are in a hurry, there are taxis upstairs.

–Uptown D Train

Overheard by: Wes

30-something man in Santa suit on cell: Where the fuck is my fucking taxi, bitch?

–Lafayette & Spring

Cop pulling over a cabbie: Why did you honk? Where did you see danger? Where did you see danger? Besides behind your own wheel…

–Times Square

Woman cut off by cab while crossing the street: Oh my god! I'm getting cab-fucked left and right!

–Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: Marc

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Clothing, Conductors, Cops, Guys, Insults, Licking, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Soho, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Make Digital Records Of Their Humiliation

Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Alice

Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!

–44th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: would never buy that shit

NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!

–8th & Broadway

Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)

–Union Square

Overheard by: Glad I had a map

Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.

–51 & Lexington

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Directions, Families, Friends, Girls, Insults, Knock-Offs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Only in New York, Punks, Smegma, Stoners, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Ooh, and Be That Way With All Deliberate Speed!

Blond girl #1: And then I was like, “Why can't we just be separate but like…”
Blond girl #2: Yeah, separate but equal!
Blond girl #1: Exactly!

–Store, Times Square

Overheard by: michelle

Posted on February 6, 2009
Girls, Race, Store, Times Square, Weirdness

I Hope You'll Forgive Me for Getting a Second Opinion

Husband: What? Just because I want to see my mother-in-law fall down and hit her head, does that make me a terrible person?
Wife: Yes!

–Time Square

Overheard by:

Posted on February 5, 2009
Accidents, Couples, Family Ties, Questions, Times Square, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liner Can Drink Milk As Adults

Crazy guy (inexplicably overjoyed): Heyyyyy! White people!

–1 Train

Gay black man on cell: She is such a delicate white cunt, she can't raise her own child. She needs a Jamaican man to do it.

–45th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Kristy Magyar

Angry black guy: I swear to god I'm bout to start slappin' white people.

–Union Station

Overheard by: scared white guy

White English guy to Anglo-Filipino chick: I don't think we'll be welcome there because we're white.

–Nostrand & St. Mark's, Brooklyn

Black guy: Man, I love white people, and I never shot anybody!

–Times Square

Panicked child: Mommy, why are there so many white people here?

–Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Bitch-slap, Black People, Brits, Brooklyn, Crazies, Family Ties, Fears, Girls, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Shoot, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Threats, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Showing Up on Your Stoop

Woman: In Central Park right now, the Mormons are in full bloom!

–Bandshell, Central Park

Overheard by: Mojosaves

Chick to boyfriend: I could really use some Viagra, maybe I can get some from my grandpa. (pause) Wait, never mind, he's Mormon.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Girl: What do the Mormons have against gay people? Is it because the gays dress better? I mean, Mormons only like to wear white shirts and black pants.

–Uptown A Train

Deliriously drunk woman: I was Mormon!

–Times Square

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Central Park, Clothing, Colors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Questions, Religion, Sex, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Isn't That What's Inside a Memory Foam Mattress?

Girlfriend: This frappuccino tastes like foam.
Boyfriend: I guess they put a lot of foam in yours.
Girlfriend: Oh my god, they should make a foam-flavored frappuccino.

–Shuttle from Times Square to Grand Central

Overheard by: valerie

Posted on January 30, 2009
Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Grand Central, On the Bus, Times Square

Other Than Taking a Surreptitious Ultrasound

Blonde girl: So, how do you politely say “are you pregnant, or are you just getting fat and gross?”
Other girl (after long pause): Yeah, I don't think there is anyway to do that politely.

–Times Square

Overheard by: josh5674

Posted on January 26, 2009
Diet/Weight, Girls, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Times Square