Woman: That’s the way New York is; it’s a contact sport.
–Penn Station
Woman: That’s the way New York is; it’s a contact sport.
–Penn Station
Girl: If you ever make me sleep in an ATM vestibule again, I am so dumping you.
–Grand Central
Woman on cell: Yeah, sure, go ahead and break my heart, but don’t keep my CDs.
–3rd & A
Overheard by: Kira
Crying woman on cell: No, I don’t want to do it with you. I just want the money!
–66th & Columbus
Overheard by: Charlie
Chick on cell: Yeah, I was there like you said but he wasn’t there. You said he’d be there!…Well, fuck you too! I’m going to kill you when I get home you motherfuckin’ bastard! You better say goodbye to your balls!…What?…Yeah. Sure. I’m up for some Chinese later…Bye baby…I love you too, pumpkin.
–Canal & West Broadway
Cashier guy: I told you I have a girlfriend, that’s why my face is all scratched up.”
–Home Depot, 59th Street
Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!
–Wagner College
5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.
–98th & Broadway
Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."
–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side
Overheard by: Lindsey Miller
Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."
–E Houston St & Lafayette St,
Overheard by: Teddy
"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"
–M66
Overheard by: Charley
Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion.
–Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: EA
Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off.
–West Village
Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Debbie
Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again.
–Clinton & Stanton
Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them.
–Bus to Penn Station
Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you!
–100th & Broadway
Overheard by: briana
Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.
–West Village
Overheard by: RBNY
Big black woman: …and they had a white one and a black one, and the white one was 45.99 and the black one was 52.99, so I bought the black one. Cause it was black…
–Best Buy, 23rd St.
Overheard by: Trouble
Guy on cell: Oh yeah? Well, check this out: I don’t care that I’m not invited to your wedding, because you’re fired!
–West 94th St & Amsterdam
Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare…
Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy.
–Gallery Players, Park Slope
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene.
–Lincoln Center
Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues!
–Walgreens, Union Square
Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Minerva
Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.
–39th & Lex
Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?
–Museum of Natural History
Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: CocteauBoy
5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?
–59th between Broadway & 7th
Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub
Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.
–American Wing Cafe, the Met
Overheard by: guingel
MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Brewster
Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Jon A.
Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jon
Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.
–53rd & Broadway
Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.
–Q101 bus
Overheard by: Kaleena
Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.
–14th St 1 station
Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!
–59th & 7th
Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”
–The Strand, Broadway
Overheard by: Miss Parker
Woman on cell: Hi honey…yes, I’m fine…I can hear you…stop saying hello to me. I goddammn hate it when you say hello.
–42nd & Madison
Hobo: Hey, miss! Yeah, you! Talkin’ on your cell! Don’t walk away from me! I see you listenin’ to me! Hell, I can hear you listenin’ to me!
–43rd & 8th
Woman on cell: Guess where I am….guess where I am!…Hello? Hello? Shit!
–La Baguette, University Place
Overheard by: Matty K
Building worker on cell: Like her? No, I don’t like her. I have to like every girl that I bone? Terrible? Why is that terrible?
–52nd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: blatto
Guy on cell: I’m looking for someone to, excuse my language, fuck, not just have sex with.
–Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Jason
Eurotrash: So then I felt bad because he couldn’t guess who I was and so I gave him a hint. I told him I would meet him at six o’clock at the motel, because you know, that was like our place!
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy: You sleep with them once and they expect you to bring your toothbrush and loofa over the next time.
–Tad’s Montana
Overheard by: Mishen
Girl on cell: Remember how I was talking to that guy in London? Well, he’s coming to visit for five days. Yeah, it’s gonna be fun. I’ve decided, after he leaves, I’m not going to talk to him anymore. What’s the point? It’s not even a relationship, it’s a pseudo-relationship. You fight and get mad and what for? I’m not moving to London, he’s not moving to New York. Yeah, so we’ll have fun, and then when he leaves, I just won’t talk to him anymore. How is that shady?
–N train, Astoria
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Girl: Yeah, I feel like I’m bangin’ the whole world!
–Columbus Circle subway exit
Hobo: Pretty soon this gon’ be a paper-less world. I’ll help you… Gimme all your paper money. I bring you to the future.
–Outside CVS, Lex
Teen girl: Of course there were credit cards in the ’50s. How else would they have gotten their money from the ATMs?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Hans
Hipster boy to hipster girl: Yeah, remember that time we stuck to our principles? We got screwed out of a shitload of cash!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Steph
Articulate crazy man: Make money the old-fashioned way: put mercenaries on your payroll!
–6 train
Overheard by: Interested. Very interested.
Conductor: To the person who lost a roll of cash held together with a rubber band, come see me. I found the rubber band.
–A train, 59th St
Overheard by: John
Fat old guy to pal: You’re either going to hurt yourself, hurt someone else, or lose all of us millions of dollars.
–8th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Julian Bennett Holmes
Thug handing 20-dollar bill to clerk: Be careful! Let it dry — I just made that.
–Deli, 137th & Broadway
