Little boy, seeing long line for movie tickets: I’m not waiting! This line is too long!
Mom: You have to learn to wait in lines… God, you complain more than a pregnant woman.
–Brooklyn
Little boy, seeing long line for movie tickets: I’m not waiting! This line is too long!
Mom: You have to learn to wait in lines… God, you complain more than a pregnant woman.
–Brooklyn
Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.
–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Maryrose
Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!
–Queens
Overheard by: alex
Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Caroline
Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!
–Starbucks
Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.
–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!
Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?
–West End & West 100th St
Hipster guy #1: Last night I started fighting with someone.
Hipster guy #2: Are you serious? I'm always fighting other people. Cause y'know, that's the only thing you can do besides kiss them.
Hipster guy #2: This one time I accidentally kissed someone and I was like “eewwwww”.
Hipster guy #1: Ewww.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: What the hell were they talking about?
Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!
–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn
Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.
–PATH
Overheard by: Corey
Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.
–Montague St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!
Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!
–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea
Overheard by: Evan
Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!
–Washington Heights
Guy on cell: I'm walking down St. Marks, and I'm having psychological issues. That's why I'm calling this NYU support number.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: A preponderance of hipsters can sort of do that to you…
Stylish guy on phone: No, I do not have time to check if anyone is gesticulating at me, I'm walking to Chipotle!
–Sock Man, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Rachel Isadora
Thick-accented gentleman: You nevah saw that movie? Penguins walkin'?
–Smith & Wollensky's Steakhouse
Overheard by: kritta
Too-tan Columbia student: Oh my god! You should totally have picked up your phone the other night because I was totally ready to, like, walk by myself down 122nd Street to the d train, alone, at like, midnight! Even though I know it wouldn't have been very safe to do that, I was ready!
–Uptown 2 Train
Woman to another, holding the strings to 100 helium balloons: You never walk my balloons!
–Lafayette & Cumberland, Fort Greene
Overheard by: Brenda
Woman on cell: You did what? No. No, the key is with the handcuffs.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: argonaut
Neighbor heard through thin dorm wall: Yeahhhhh, I'm a bad boy. You wanna spank me?
–Pratt Institute
NYU girl to friend: I think Jesus wore latex.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Mimi
Hippie woman on cell: Okay, why don't you just untie each other and come on down so we can talk about this?
–50th St & Park Ave
Two boys were playing on a fire escape.
Boy #1: Okay. Now I’ll be the policeman, and you be the fireworks on Coney Island.
–Windsor Terrace
Little boy: Mom, I want that!
Harried mother: No, we don’t have enough money.
Little boy, after a pause: So just make more money!
–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Abbieprime
Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"
–Fulton St
Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!
–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn
Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.
–Downtown 2 Train
Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!
–10th & 53rd
Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.
–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Bryan Bruner
Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.
–Metro-North Rail Tracks
Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice
Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!
–Broadway
Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez
Black guy: You just made fun of someone with Down's Syndrome!
Hispanic girl: She kicked me!
Black guy (exasperated): Because she has Down's Syndrome!
–Union St & 4th Ave
Overheard by: Chihuahua
