Which Is Full Of Men I'd Fuck

Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the NFL.
Skinny Asian guy: I don't think he's the best, but he's pretty good.
Attractive, tall guy: He's no Joe Montana.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: That's bullshit, he's the best ever, and you can't really argue that point. Just look at how many touchdowns he has.
Skinny Asian guy: Man, you are in love with him, it's a little scary.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston (completely serious): I am, I would totally let him fuck me if he would let me hang out with him…I would be the man.
Skinny Asian guy: I thought you were straight?
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Fuck you! I am straight but that doesn't mean I can't bang Tom Brady. I wouldn't give him oral though, I don't think.
Overweight Hispanic guy drinking appletini: Football sucks compared to soccer.

–45th & Madison

Posted on January 8, 2009
Asians, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Football, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, Latinos, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sex, Skinny People, Weirdness

Sure Hope Carlos Likes Kool-Aid

Black guy: Damn! You got a pretty face!
(pretty Latina turns around and ignores him)
Black guy (taking seat halfway down train): Dang! How you going to turn around on me like that?
(pretty Latina ignores him)
Black guy (very loudly): How are you going to turn around like that?
(pretty Latina now looks embarrassed)
Black guy (pulling out guitar from case): This song goes out to the girl with the pretty face! She's over there! With the long hair and the boots!
(people turn and look, pretty Latina looks very embarrassed now)
Black guy (singing to tune of “My Girl”): Come on everyone! Even the white people–join in! (sings) I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of may.
(people start to join in, pretty Latina's friends are cheering and singing)
Black guy (singing): My girl! She's got black boots! The one with the long hair! C'mon girl! If you let me take you home…I'll…I'll…make you some Kool-Aid!
(pretty Latina gets off train)
Black guy: Ah, hell no! (pause). Alright, this one's for the guy with the ball! (pointing to guy with soccer ball under arm) His name's Carlos! He's from Puerto Rico!

–2 Train

Posted on January 8, 2009
Beauty, Black People, Drinks, Friends, Hair, Latinos, Music, On the Subway, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Race, Shoes

To Attain a Future Better Than the Present, You First Have to Imagine It

Teenage Latina to friend: So I want my next man and me to have more in common. My man, he gotta dress ghetto, you know, baggy pants, piercings, and chains, but he can't be no pimp or dirty slut. He can't be having no nasty diseases. He can't have no kids or none on the way and he can't have done no time, yet.
Friend: Gattita, I hear you. But what'cha gonna do with him?
Teenage Latina: Well, he's gonna have to like scary movies and reggaeton, Mexican food, and… (pauses to think for a moment) French fries! You know, them white people's food.
Friend: Holla.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Carrie

Posted on January 2, 2009
Clothing, Ethnic Food, Friends, Kids, Latinos, Movies, Music, On the Subway, Prison, Relationships, Stupidity, Teens, Wishes & desires

These Days You Have to Leave the United States for Good Old-Fashioned New York Rudeness

Burly Hispanic guy in Army uniform: Hey, dude, you have a napkin stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
Burly black guy covered in menacing tattoos: Thanks, man, I really appreciate it.

–A Train

Posted on December 23, 2008
Black People, Latinos, On the Subway, Shoes, Thugs, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It's Complicated”

Man on cell: Listen, you are just not going to meet a young woman who doesn't have a MySpace page, isn't religious, and doesn't want children.

–46th St & 5th St

30-something to friend: Why is it people from the Midwest always ask if you've tried speed dating? It is like the first thing they think of when they hear about a single woman in New York–she must not have tried speed dating yet.

–1st St & 2nd Ave

Girl on cell: I mean, he basically acts like we're living together. But I don't know, like, I almost called him last night and asked, "are we even dating?"

–65th St & 1st Ave

Hispanic lady: I don't need no man, I don't need no man. I got everything I need in my purse.

–Cafe, West Village

Posted on December 10, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Dating, Friends, Girls, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Get Physical, Physical

Guy on cell: But baby, it's a full body workout, depending on the position.

–Pratt Campus

Jogger on phone: I gotta stay in shape, you know? I'm not getting any younger. Even though the guys I graduated with look worse than I do.

–Marine Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wantsoutof_bklyn

Older lady to young male athletic facility employee: Do you have big balls? Exercise balls? I want bigger balls than you have there.

–NYU Palladium Athletic Facility, 140 E 14th St

Overheard by: JohnB

Large smoking man with burrito and Margarita: I can never work out, I'm too drunk all the time!

–Blockheads

Overheard by: how do you live?

Sassy black lady: Daaaamn! You're making me walk all the way to 45th Street?

–42nd St

Large Latina on cell: So I grabbed the baby and said "Kali! She likes this!" and started doing squats.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Russel

Posted on December 3, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Black People, Brooklyn, College, Drinking & Drunk People, Fat People, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sports, Store, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

Posted on December 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Girls, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Hershey's Wednesday One-Liners

Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know."

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: jaytro

Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay?

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him.

–Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chuckles

Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute!

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Death, Drunks, Family Ties, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, Marriage, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Stoners, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

You're the Worst Mentor Ever

Pregnant Latina: So I've been really thinking about what I want, and I want a ranch.
Thug: A ranch? What for?! When you have a ranch you gotta have animals, nigga. It's a whole different kind of struggle.
Pregnant Latina: I just want a ranch.
Thug: Well you better make it a gun ranch.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: Jenni

Posted on November 10, 2008
Animals & Nature, Latinos, On the Subway, Preggers, Thugs, Weapons, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Need to Leave Eden Eventually

Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!

–Broad Channel Subway Station

Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!

–116th & 3rd

(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?

–28th & 5th

White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Xavier

Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?

—Hair, Delacorte Theater

Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.

–Subway, 14th & 1st

Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.

–89th & 4th, Brooklyn

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Instruments, Kids, Latinos, Makeup, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nudity, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sports, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Latinos