How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother: Now say "thank you" to its human.

–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

Posted on October 31, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Central Park, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Friends, Guys, Kids, Love, Man's Best Friend, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Trains Not Subway, Trees and plants, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Still Giggle When They Say “Stimulus Package”

Mother to preschool-aged child: That's the New York Stock Exchange. That's where we lose all our money.

–Outside NYSE

Overheard by: Angel

Man to four-shoe-pair-buying wife: It's people like you who confuse the economists.

–Macy's

Toll booth operator to chick in car during rush hour: So, what's your take on the economy these days?

–Verrazano Bridge

Young dudes, watching suits take Queens train at 9 am: Oooh! They got fired.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Only in Brooklyn

Posted on October 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Clerks, Couples, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday, Are You Fucking Kidding Me With These One-Liners?

Fat chick to cute friend's blind date: So, wait, is Jean Garafolo a man or a woman?

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Becka Dash

20-something blonde girl: Is there an English word for "quesadilla"?

–F Train

Checkout lady, pausing with a container of hummus after scanning it: Lots of people buy this stuff…what is it?

–Myrtle St

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Woman entering RadioShack: Excuse me, do you have radios?

–RadioShack, 72nd & Broadway

B9 bus driver to passengers: Make a left here?

–B9 Bus

Overheard by: VeganBeauty

Posted on October 29, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Clerks, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Languages, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Sexuality, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

What’s the Yiddish Word for Schmuck?

Man on cell: …well, congratulations! Or should I just say, “oy veh”!

–Midtown lobby

Posted on October 28, 2014
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Words

There's No Wednesday One-Liners Like Show Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster Pee-wee Herman lookalike to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilingus to let me direct a show? You're totally gonna be in it!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Flea

Man: I believe some of this will be made up.

–Going into Wicked, Broadway

Overheard by: CAM

Black highschool girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing?

—In the Heights, Broadway Musical

Overheard by: Cookie

Woman in Jersey accent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish?

–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: HarlemRy

Daniel Radcliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I'm eighty, I gotta be in this show with him. I'd be like, "put it in me! Put it in me!"

–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: Nikki

Man leaving Hair: Well, that beats the hell outta Shakespeare!

–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park

Posted on October 27, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, B & T, Black People, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Fakes, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Licking, Men, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Singing, Students, Theater, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Hella Good Wednesday One-Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Posted on October 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crazies, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Insults, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Satan, Street, Stupidity, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Only if you go to the right sites.”

Little boy: Mom, can I download you?

–Barnes & Noble, Astor Place

Posted on October 26, 2014
Boys, Family Ties, Internet, One-liners, Parents, Store, The Village

Wednesday One-liners for Other Places

Megaphone lady: Don’t buy from Canada! Don’t go to Canada! Don’t support Canada at all!…Don’t buy Canadian beer!

–49th & 6th

Posted on October 25, 2014
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Crime and Punishment, Food, Friendship, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, One-liners, Queens, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships, STDs, Stupidity, Suits, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Posted on October 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cocaine, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Dancing, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rape, Stupidity, Theater, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige

Posted on October 17, 2014
About Celebrities, Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Conductors, Coney Island, Creepsters, Death, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Internet, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Village, Time, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires