What Would Anti-Semites Do without Wednesday One-Liners?

Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike

Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…

–82nd & Madison

Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…

Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.

–Park Slope

20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!

–St. Mark’s & Ave B

Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank

Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’

–Near Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer

Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rosie

Posted on September 11, 2014
Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Girls, God Squad, Gripes, Guys, Judaism, Kids, Madison Square Garden, On Cell, Park Slope, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Hope It’s Just Ketchup

Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?

–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him

Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…

–G Train

One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.

–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave

MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.

–Penn Station

Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.

–6 Train

Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?

–36th St & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Cody

Posted on August 29, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Buildings, Celebrations/Parties, Cops, Creepsters, Girls, Illness, Insults, Medicine, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Science, Sexuality, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness, Women

She’s Actually a Shill for the Cheetah Club

Chick: My husband and I like to go to titty bars in the city. That’s why we get on so well — he likes girls and I like girls…. So, when you hang out with your buddies do you go to titty bars?
Dude: Er, not really — maybe once we went.

–Radio City Fashion Rocks show

Overheard by: Listening in the line

Posted on August 28, 2014
Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girl-on-Girl, Girls, Guys, Questions, Rockefeller Center

FAQsday One-Liners

NYU girl: It's a box, though… Can you FedEx a box?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Elena

Tourist: So… Are we like, underground now?

–NRW Train

Overheard by: Stacey

Mom in toy store: Do you guys have any organic play-doh?

–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope

Overheard by: persiangroove

Teen tourist bimbo, looking at Rockefeller Center Christmas tree Swarovski tree topper: So, can we buy it?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Kaitlen

20-something girl: Wait, so what's a blog?

–55th & 6th

Thug on bus on cell: Yeah, I just got on the bus. How will I know when it's the third stop?
(goes on to get off on the second stop)

–Roosevelt Island

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Bus, Clerks, Customers, Directions, For Sale, Girls, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Washington Square Park On

Mother, during tour: I noticed a lot of students have piercings. Can you recommend a good place around here?

–NYU

Grad student on cell: Hey, it's me. Tomorrow, dress appropriately. It's supposed to be 65, so I'll bring a frisbee. Afterward, I want to go to your place because there's certain things I want to do, and your place is much more (pause) conducive for certain activities.

–NYU

Overheard by: DrNels

Girl to another: I used to drink sangria before my classes at NYU.

–Rockefeller Center

NYU student to friend: Man, you gotta remember, you gotta know–you have to stuff that bitch. You gotta know.

–Weinstein Hall, University Place

NYU law student: You know what I love about this building? It smells like a new BMW.

–NYU Law Building

Posted on March 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Scents of the City, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself

History geek: You laugh, but where would you be without the 18th century? The 20th century, not the 21st, that's where.

–New York Historical Society

Overheard by: Emily B.

Little boy looking at book about Presidents: I see John F. Kennedy, and I see Abraham Lincoln, and I see… what's his name? Hilary's wife?

–BookCourt, Brooklyn

20-something girl: There's this guy in my class who's like an Indian. But, I keep reading these things about how we were so horrible to the Indians and how there are none left, so where did he come from? Like, if there are none left, where did he come from?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Beth!

Woman to daughter: You know what Henry VIII ruled with? He ruled with his dick!

–Penn Station

Teenage girl on cell, yelling: Victorian era lesbians! Not Edwardian! Lesbians weren't nearly hot enough in the Edwardian era! Yeah, we should probably watch it together.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: I really hope it's porn

Posted on July 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Families, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Names, Nerds, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, President, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Wednesday One-Liners

Lady shouting into cell: Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear!

–Flatbush Ave, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Ja9

Deli cashier with heavy accent to West Indian man with heavy accent: I don't speak Jamaican! I speak English!

–Crown Heights

Overheard by: Holly

Man on crowd: Stop shoving! There are fucking kids here, watch out, asshole!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Alexis

Man walking with small kid on cell: Ain't no one cursing at yo! Fuck, why you got to be like that?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Heather

Woman on cell: I just hate for people to hear my conversations in public.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cashiers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Duane Reade, Foreigners, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Language Barrier, Languages, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

One Wednesday One-Liner to Live

Woman, pushing baby in stroller through flock of pigeons and hearing him laugh hysterically: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life.

–76th St

Overheard by: jaytro

Guerrilla Top of the Rock marketer: Carpet munching can get you far in life.

–Rockefeller Center

Twelve-year-old girl at Tila Tequila's book signing: This is the greatest day of my life.

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: Helene and Kristina

Short fat white woman to tall older man: Well, I really have no problem with spending life in jail. I really don't.

–Father Demo Square

Man, not moving: This place is draining the life out of me.

–IKEA Store

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Train operator: This is a life-altering bound r train. Prepare to be amazed. Next stop, Nirvana.

–R Train

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Buddha, Clerks, Fat People, Laughter, Licking, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Prison, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Tweens, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Challenge: Read This without Googling the Video

Hot girl: Did you see the videos online of Florence Henderson wiping dog poop on some girl's face?
Even hotter girl: No, what the hell are you talking about?
Hot girl: Some video on YouTube.

–Rockefeller Center

Posted on March 1, 2009
Bimbettes, Body Parts, Internet, Man's Best Friend, Poop, Questions, Rockefeller Center

I'd Love To, Baby, but My Wednesday One-Liner Won't Let Me Date

Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.

–F Train

Overheard by: penelope

Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.

–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt

Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.

–A Train

Overheard by: Suzi

Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"

–Grand Concourse

Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!

–Radio City Music Hall

Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amina

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compliments, Conductors, Cops, Food, Friends, Infidelity, Insults, Laundromat, Love, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sex, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Theater, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women