Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate!

–14th b/w 3rd & 4th

Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away)

–Bowling Green

Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots!

–McCarren Park, Brooklyn

(intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep)

–Hudson Line Train

Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers!

–Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway

Overheard by: Suze V

Posted on January 22, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Brooklyn, Conductors, Cum, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Meet the Gallup Poll's Youngest Recruit

Little boy to dad: Do you like Obama?
Dad: Yes, son, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama, mom?
Mom: Yes, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama?
Sister: I like Obama.
Boy: Hey, people, you like Obama?
Random people: Yes, we do.

–116th St

Posted on January 17, 2016
Dads, Families, Kids, Moms, Parents, President, Sisters, Strangers, Street

…as Long As I Kept the Money Coming

Gentleman #1: Yeah I saw that girl.
Gentleman #2: Yeah I know, she was as happy as a parking meter!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Max

Posted on January 3, 2016
Compare/Contrast, Default, Happiness, Men, Street, Williamsburg, Words

Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man

Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus!

–Broadway & Prince

Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together?

–Fordham Plaza

Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him?

–St. Luke's Church, Whitestone

Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher.

–E Train

Overheard by: Giggling at crack

Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alfie

Posted on December 10, 2015
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Christianity, Christians, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, God, God Squad, Hard Drugs, Jesus, On the Subway, One-liners, Preachers, Queens, Questions, Religion, Sex, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

In New York They Mean the Same Thing

Preppy girl to honking SUV driver: Fuck you!
Asian guy, walking other way: Bless you!

–59th & Park

Overheard by: Just trying to cross the street

Posted on November 16, 2015
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Insults, Preppies, Street, Upper East Side

There's No Pill for What Wednesday One-Liners Have

Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema…

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: chris

Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal!

–1st Ave & St. Mark's

Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Lola Black

Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked.

–W 4th St

20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria.

–Café

Posted on November 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Cancer, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Friendship, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Illness, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Village Bicycle’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!

–Outside 145th subway station

Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore!

–45th & 8th

College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?"

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: silvver

Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities!

–72nd and Amsterdam

Overheard by: Vincent

Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Lotte

Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars?

–Bergen and Smith

Posted on October 8, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Girls, Hipsters, Holidays, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Native Americans, Offers and requests, On Cell, One Night Stand, Parents, Promiscuity, Prostitution, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires

Getting Wednesdayed Is Easy; Staying One-Linered Is Hard

Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…

–Hudson River Park

Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?

–F Train

Overheard by: Elise

Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.

–DUMBO, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Megan

Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Josh

Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!

–77th & 34th

Posted on September 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Couples, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Kink, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Questions, Straight Trippin', Street, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't That Kind Of Streetwalker

Police officer to taxi driver: If you just hit one, the rest will scatter.

–Herald Square

Guy to girl, pushing her into the street: Anna versus car, who will win?

–E Houston & Ave D

Overheard by: haha

Tourist to New Yorker: You're not supposed to jaywalk!

–Herald Square

Chick to another: We didn't get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time.

–7th & 23rd

Overheard by: Stormy

Guy with stroller to passing car: You hit my baby, I'll take your car!

–Fordham & Hoffman

Overheard by: sromeo

Crossing guard, watching pedestrian cross in a hurry: My money's on the bus!

–Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on September 29, 2015
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Babies, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Girls, Guys, Lower Manhattan, Money & Class, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!

–Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

–Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on August 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Battery Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fire, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Penn Station, Poop, Sensory Experiences, Street, Suits, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness