Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies.

–Manhattan Theatre Source

Overheard by: Emily B.

Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard.

–Dorm, Pratt Institute

College student: Ghosts? They're like VT!

–186th St & Amsterdam

Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: emily d.

Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway!

–Union Square Subway Entrance

Overheard by: Masked Avenger

Posted on May 19, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Disney, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Theater, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time!

–Hostos Faculty Dining Room

Overheard by: glad she's leaving

Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food

Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then…

–Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: allison

Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits.

–Upper West Side

Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry.

–95th & 2nd

Posted on April 30, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anorexic, Brooklyn, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Diet/Weight, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Jewish Moms, Nostalgia, One-liners, Skinny People, Street, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires

Gravitional Pull is an Involuntary Process

Guy #1: Dude, I hate fat chicks that are stuck up.
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s like, “Bitch, act your weight.”

–Office, 48th & 6th

Posted on March 14, 2016
Etiquette, Fat People, Fitness, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Street

Wednesday One-Liners Admit Their Lives Have Become Unmanageable

Suit on cell: Never make any decisions after drinking two pitchers of beer. After the first one, I was like "okay, this is what I'm doing." But after the second one, I ended up as director of the D.C. United Way. At first, I wasn't too worried, because I figured they'd give me a drug test, and I knew I wouldn't pass.

–6 Train

Hopeful-looking guy to concerned-looking guy: Basically, you're not ready to be an alcoholic, so you should stay away from alcohol.

–Polk St

Girl to guy friend: She's a great drunk. She's probably one of the best people to hang out with when she's drunk.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: T

Hawker: It's happy hour! Come on up, and I'll watch your kids while you get drunk.

–Planet Hollywood

Girl, during lunch: I'm not drunk anymore!

–W 4th & University Place

Posted on March 13, 2016
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, College, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Friends, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Street, Suits, The Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Working on a Perfume Line

Flustered suit pacing along street: Just letting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he finally decided to pay his bills.

–84th St

Overheard by: mikaela

Man to dinner companion: So did you know Mia Farrow is doing a hunger strike? Because of what's happening in Darfur? I hope she dies.

–Red Bamboo, West Village

Transvestite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields.

–4 Train

Man giving out Metro newspaper: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, baby, you looking like Jennifer Lopez! Metro!

–7 Train

Suit on cell: If he does it again I am going to get all Chuck Woolery on his ass!

–Gold St

Posted on March 9, 2016
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Politics, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Threats, Trannies, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Posted on March 7, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Food, For Sale, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Pictures, Punks, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Somebody Make This Into a Wacky Buddy Movie

Cop: Move it along, bub.
Hobo: What? I don’t wanna move, I’m sleeping here.
Cop: I said move it, buddy.
Hobo: Why? I’m not bothering anyone, can I please stay, please, please?
Cop: OK, fine. Stay.
Hobo: I love you.

–Bay Ridge

Overheard by: C. Depp

Posted on March 3, 2016
Brooklyn, Cops, Hobos, Love, Only in New York, Street

Wednesday Undie-Liners

Woman on cell: Okay, but this time please stay out of my underwear drawer.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Jess

Overconfident guy: I know, I know. You say you have a 3.7 at NYU Law, and the panties just drop.

–Dorm, NYU Law

Overheard by: holdingbacklaughter

Little old lady on park bench to another: Well, I've been stuffing my bra now, and now I can't find my money.

–Central Park West & 63rd St

Overheard by: Jen

Woman: My dog only eats my underwear. He doesn't eat my son's. He doesn't eat my husband's. Only mine! I wonder why. (pauses to think) Hmm… it must be that feminine smell.

–E 40th St

Overheard by: TMI

Livid man on cell: No! You can't have your underwear back!

–Chelsea

Posted on February 5, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Guys, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate!

–14th b/w 3rd & 4th

Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away)

–Bowling Green

Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots!

–McCarren Park, Brooklyn

(intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep)

–Hudson Line Train

Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers!

–Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway

Overheard by: Suze V

Posted on January 22, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Brooklyn, Conductors, Cum, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Meet the Gallup Poll's Youngest Recruit

Little boy to dad: Do you like Obama?
Dad: Yes, son, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama, mom?
Mom: Yes, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama?
Sister: I like Obama.
Boy: Hey, people, you like Obama?
Random people: Yes, we do.

–116th St

Posted on January 17, 2016
Dads, Families, Kids, Moms, Parents, President, Sisters, Strangers, Street