Wednesday One-Liners Won't Remember This Tomorrow

Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!

–University Place & 12th

Overheard by: Mikalena

Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?

–8th St & 3rd Ave

Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?

–E 14th St

Overheard by: Mimi

Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!

–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave

Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!

–Church & Canal

Overheard by: Ben

Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Igor Petrov

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Kids, Laughter, Man's Best Friend, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Isn't This from an Ionesco Play?

Man: Get over here!
Woman: My father is dead!

–Union Square

Posted on July 6, 2009
Death, Family Ties, Men, Parents, Union Square and East Village, Women

There's a “Hoes/Hose” Pun in Here Somewhere

Hipster #1: They thought it was the coolest thing they'd ever done.
Hipster #2: The firemen?
Hipster #1: The girls.

–Lafayette & E 4th

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on July 4, 2009
Fire, Hipsters, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

How'd You Know?!

Smoking scenester #1 to another, after seeing toy poodle: Hey, look, that must be one of them dumb city rat dogs.
Girl with poodle to smoking scenester #1: Hey, look, you must be one of those dumb bridge & tunnel cunts.

–11th & 1st

Posted on July 3, 2009
Girls, Idiots, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday and the World One-Liners With You, Cry and You Cry Alone

Girl, loudly and enthusiastically: Everything I say is a joke!

–City Bakery, 18th St

Girl to guy: What's so funny? Did you fart?

–W 96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Megan W.

Santa, chasing scared teen: Do you think it's funny to throw things at people's heads? How about I break your face?

–42nd St

Girl: I'm really excited that, like, within our lifetime, there are gonna be funny movies about Obama.

–Manhattan Theatre Source

Overheard by: Emily B.

Laughing girl on phone: Come on, please! Please! Just take off your clothes and take pictures! (pause) Come on, mom, it would be so funny!

–Union Square

20-something skater guy to another: And then I started whackin' off, and it was hilarious.

–Broadway & E 10th St

Overheard by: Timothy

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Farting & Burping, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Laughter, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Nudity, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, President, Punch, Questions, Skaters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners from Beyond the NYC Event Horizon

Five-year-old girl, holding her nose, to mother: It smells here! It smells like New Jersey! Mommy! It smells like New Jersey!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Cicero

Teenager: Oh, wow, I didn't know New Jersey had any buildings.

–Christopher St. Pier

Girl on cell: I think I slept with a whore. Then I woke up in Jersey.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Rachel

Crazy-sounding drunk girl: Ewww, why are there so many people from New Jersey here?

–Bowery & E 4th

Overheard by: do they emit a particular odor?

NYU guy trying to impress girls: My dad actually grew up right around here. Well…in New Jersey.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Girl sitting on raised metal platform on front deck to friend: Hey, do you want to turn around? We're looking at Jersey again.

–NYU LSP Boat Cruise

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

It's Not Delivery– It's Wednesday One-Liner!

Student: A lot more people would definitely vote if there was free pizza at polling places.

–Queens College

Overheard by: Suze

Hipster: Papa John's makes me want to have Aids.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Drunk person: Hey! This isn't the original Ray's!

–Ray's Pizza

Overheard by: Darwin

Girl to friend: So you only need a slice of pizza to get you wet?

–Slaughtered Lamb Pub

Overheard by: sinko

Old dude carrying blue plastic bag to pigeon: Pizza! My darling! Pizza! My pizza!

–9th St & 1st Ave

Hobo to passers-by: You need a dog! Don't eat the pizza, you will get fat!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Lily

Posted on July 1, 2009
Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Birds, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fakes, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Man's Best Friend, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pizza, Politics, Queens, Queens College, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Cleverly Camouflaged by Sweet-Sounding Synthesizers

Goth girl: I'm not going to lie, I love the new Britney album.
Brunette friend: What? You like Britney?
Goth girl: Yeah. I have a dark side, you know.

–5th Ave & 13th St

Posted on June 29, 2009
Friends, Goths, Music, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Lineups

Girl: I feel like she's really good at illegal stuff.

–34th & 9th

Overheard by: hellothere

Haggard-looking woman, screaming into cell: What? Now you're gettin' locked up and I am going to fucking prison now! Perfect! (sprints out of store)

–King Kullen, Staten Island

Preteen to another: So when you get arrested and your mom asks you where you were, you weren't with me.

–1st Ave & 16th

Overheard by: Wes Mantooth

Female teen to another: Yeah, that's what my dad got arrested for, too.

–Central Park

Teen boy on cell: I get a lot of shit from authority figures. Especially when I'm getting arrested.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: The Man(dy)

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Insults, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Prison, Psychology, Staten Island, Store, Street, Teens, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Every Night, I Pray for More Wednesday One-Liners

Disgruntled MTA worker, to no one in particular: See? I don't like human beings all that much. I like animals, they mo' fo' real. (venomously) Y'all better be glad I'm not god.

–6 Train

30-something white guy to friends: I live in Mesopotamia, 'cause the gods are gangsta!

–W 83rd & Columbus Ave

Older MTA worker, comforting young passenger: GPS: Guidance, patience, strength. Give it over to god. Trust that motherfucker is going to handle it. Give me GPS and I can handle the rest!

–Union Square Subway Stop

Bag lady, drenched in rain: The joke's on you, god!

–9th St & University Place

20-something guy on phone: So then she tells me the reason my dad died is because god was trying to hurt me!

–Union Square

Overheard by: talker's remorse

30-something: I mean…he's a good looking guy, but then he found god.

–39th St

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bag ladies, Beauty, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Gadgets, God, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wiggers

Union Square and East Village