Oh No, Wednesday One-Liners Didn't!

Middle aged white woman on cell: I did not call you a scumbag, but you are a scumbag.

–3rd Ave & 85th

Overheard by: Guy Walking

Street youth to another: Nigga, you got a face like a hologram!

–159th St & Ft. Washington

Girl: Yeah, she was like, "Oh my god! Did you see what this guy was wearing?" Please, she should go to a state school, because it sounds like that's where she belongs.

–NYU

Girl to boyfriend, during fight: You're like an empty Christmas present!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Lizzie

Guy on cell: Well, that's one way of looking at it, but could it be possible that you just suck as a person, and it was really all your fault?

–N Train

Overheard by: Shock-E

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Insults, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Street, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Whatever He Says, He's Thinking “Oh, Fuck You”

Man walking north: Hi!
Woman in leather pants walking south: Oh! It's you. My ass has been pinched six times today, so I'm not really into people right now, but how are you?

–81st & 3rd

Posted on June 26, 2009
Ass, Bimbettes, Men, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners: Unclean! Unclean!

20-something female on cell: But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.

–23rd St & 5th Ave

Customer, after placing order: …with hardboiled eggs.
Gay waiter: Hardboiled eggs smell like dirty assholes, an I've seen a few dirty assholes.

–Denny's

Overheard by: student-19

Preppy guy on cell: No, dude! I don't know, like…like really dirty girls.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Anne

12-year-old boy to mother: The bum, you know! The dirty man that plays with me.

–Forest Parkway

Overheard by: Jason A

Guy dancing on new lawn: This isn't even good grass! It's dirty, yo!

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Baristas, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, College, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Homeless, Moms, On Cell, Preppies, Queens, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Robbing the Cradle, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Tweens, Upper East Side, Weed, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Have the Reich Stuff

Fat guy in telephone booth: Yeah, well, Hitler invented the Volkswagen bus.

–7th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Mark Martin

Woman in alpine hat to another: I was not about to drag your half-conscious ass around a concentration camp!

–Zum Schneider German Restaurant/Bar

Overheard by: Nella

Guy: Jury duty is like the Holocaust. They put you in line and march you into a strange room.

–Off The Wagon Restaurant

Overheard by: thankfully not jewish

Teen boy: Yeah, after I watched that movie I couldn't talk to German people at all. For like a month afterwards, every time I saw a person who looked German I was like, "you evil, evil Nazi!"

–Bull Statue, Bowling Green

Little boy to friends: And next year, we're going to assassinate Hitler!

–66th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Fat People, Foreigners, Friends, Glad the Condom Broke, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, Movies, Murder, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Time, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

If Gossip Girl Were Written by Real New Yorkers…

Boyfriend: I wouldn't marry you. I would pay for half and give you a ride to the clinic.
Girlfriend: Baby, that's beer money. Just push me down the stairs and we'll go out.
Boyfriend: I love you.

–84th & 1st

Posted on June 18, 2009
Boyfriends, Drinking & Drunk People, Girlfriends, Love, Marriage, Money & Class, Upper East Side, Weirdness

Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

High school girl: She banged some dude with no condom during her period, then she blew another guy after the basketball game.

–Panera, Queens

Overheard by: NBG1

Teen: My health teacher always yells at me for being late. Shouldn't she be, like, sustaining my self-esteem?

–Green Apple Cafe

Overheard by: Julie

Hippie teenager leaving bathroom: When I see you all later, I will not have any idea who the hell you are!

–Nokia Theater, Times Square

Overheard by: dan

Teenage girl to cute guy, after spitting on door window: I have a bad habit of spittin'.

–E Train

Overheard by: MrsBall

Teenager to crying little brother: Shut up! Stop it or I'll take away your ShamWow!

–Times Square

Overheard by: JYC

Teenage boy on cell: I won't cock-block! (pause) I won't cock-block!

–E 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Steve G

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brothers, Cleanliness, Condoms, Crying, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Hook Ups, Menstruation, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Psychology, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Smegma, Sorority Girls, Sports, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Threats, Time, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

“Et Tu, Wednesday One-Liner?”

Very young thug to slightly older thug: My nigga, I'm the fuckin' ghetto McGyver! I can make a…a cigarette filter into a knife!

–Uptown B Train

Overheard by: It's a little too squishy to be very threatening…

Ghetto man: A woman tried to stab me once while we was having sex!

–Broadway & 32nd St

Girl on cell: She got stabbed 15 times. They said it was self defense.

–94th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Dan Rosen

Black guy on cell: Dude, she was trying to stab me with a corkscrew! I couldn't listen to you at a time like that! I was in crisis mode! (pause) Yes! A fucking corkscrew! A corkscrew, nigga! A motherfucking corkscrew!

–Fulton Street Mall

Hobo, wearing plastic crown wrapped in toilet paper: And after I got out of jail for trying to stab that motherfucker with a screwdriver, I said "fuck it, I'm the motherfucking Statue of Liberty! What you looking at, whitey?"

–4/5 Train

Overheard by: Whitey

Hip young NYU student on cell: I was with Ricky again last night. (pause) Yeah, I had to pull the knife out on him again. (pause) No, but it was funny, though.

–NYU

Overheard by: brooklyn1234

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Men, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Prison, Sex, Smoking, Stab, Statue of Liberty, Students, Thugs, TV, Upper East Side, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Kinda Fruity

Suit: If Mark didn't fall asleep and get his photo taken with lemons on his head, he might still be here.

–Elevator, Midtown

Overheard by: It got even better when they elaborated

Sweater-clad hipster guy: I probably spend more per year on strawberries and cream than on my education. It's worth it, though. I value them more than my education.

–Starbucks, Brooklyn

Teenage girl: I don't want you to tell me there's a banana somewhere in there, I want to see the banana go in there!

–Church Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sonny

Girl to guy drinking juice: Eating mangoes makes vaginas taste better.

–Broadway & 9th St

Overheard by: Jessica

Irritated voice in choir loft, in the dark, at the end of Good Friday service: In all the excitement, I seem to have sat on my banana.

–60th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: haysoos

Man on cell: Did anybody give grandma her mango? You know that bitch flips shit if she don't get her mango!

–Central Park

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on June 3, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Education, Elevators, Family Ties, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Suits, Teens, The Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Upper East Side