Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Yeah, today's his wedding. I thought about driving seven hours through the snowstorm to go, but then I realized that it's his third wedding, he has two kids, and he's marrying some woman who's pregnant and married to someone else, so I decided to fuck that shit and stay in the city.

–6th Ave & Bleecker St

Overheard by: office peon

30-something guy on cell: Your dad told you, your brother told you, I told you… Not to get married.

–Upper West Side

Woman: We may or may not still be married. I mean, I signed the papers but I don't know if they were ever filed.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Woman screaming at embarrassed guy: We have to figure this out! You can't be married to two women at once!

–Chambers & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack

Posted on October 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Family Ties, Guys, Insults, Marriage, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday Tiny-One-Liners

Girl to boyfriend: Two years ago I saw your penis under a bright blue light. And it was small.

–Penn Station

Black guy to black friend: Her father does not want his daughter marrying someone from another race. What, is he scared that the kid will come out black and have a big nose? I'll tell you one thing–he'll have a big dick.

–Bowery & 1st St

Overheard by: Zach B

Man to girl beside him: Mine isn't that big. But it's big enough for what I need it for.

–6th Ave & 9th St

Girl to friend: He had a big penis. It scared me.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: s0uthard

Young teenage boy to another: You're telling me you have an 8.5 inch dick and you don't touch it?

–M21 Bus

Overheard by: zaarah

Posted on October 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fears, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Hunter, Marriage, Masturbation, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Race, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Can You Meet Me Wednesday, Next to the One-Liners?

Collegiate boy to group of friends: Well, if you think about it, if you've met one person you've basically met everyone.

–6th Ave & West 4th St

Overheard by: Lucas

Guy to friend: I went to the anarchists' meeting, but they turned out to just be a group of spoiled, white, middle-class kids.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kate Deshmukh

Loud lady on cell: Yeah, just meet me here. I'll be in the basement in the sexuality section.
(pause, then even more loudly) Basement! Sex!

–The Strand

Overheard by: April

Redhead girl: No, I totally want you to meet him–I just don't want him to meet you.

–47th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on October 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Race, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Store, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

The Critics Are Raving About Wednesday One-Liners!

30-something man to girlfriend: I liked it. I mean, it really made me think: if twenty years from now I went in a hot tub and was transported back to today, what would I tell myself to do with my life?

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: drose

Dad to teenage children: I wouldn't see Twilight if my life depended on it. If I had to choose, I would choose to die.

–Times Square

Acting professor: Did you see how Brando picked up her glove? He wanted her to stay. Do you ever do that? Take someone's things just so you know they'll come back? (dead silence) Guess you kids just aren't devious like me…

–Tisch School of the Arts

Older man to ticket salesman: Are Precious and The Rocky Horror Picture Show a double feature?

–Clearview Cinema, Chelsea

Posted on October 6, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dads, Death, Education, Film, Movie Theaters, Movies, Old People, Questions, Street, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Slowly Dropped Her One-Liners to the Floor

Tattooed guy on cell: I want a human pyramid. I want a naked human pyramid.

–Veniero's Pastry Shop

Young lady: Yes, but it's not like I go riding around the city naked on a horse…

–57th St

Dude on cell: Shut up! I will sit on your face… without drawers.

–14th & 6th

Young thug to friend: She said she went up in there, and everybody in the crib was naked, everybody. Buck-ass naked.

–Nostrand Ave, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: rick

Three-year-old boy, looking at unclothed figures at African people exhibit: Daddy? Did they take off their diapers?

–American Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Freaked the kid out after laughing at his commment

Posted on October 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museum of Natural History, Nudity, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Diners

Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.

–Allen & Delancy

Overheard by: wba2101

Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.

–Times Square

Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!

–8th St & Greene

Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!

–Uptown A Train

20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.

–4th St & Ave B

Posted on September 22, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B & T, Crying, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fashionistas, Food, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Stupidity, Time, Times Square, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around

Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.

–The Met

Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .

–William & Beekman

NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!

–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park

Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!

–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA

Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.

–JFK Airport

Posted on September 22, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, College, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, JFK Airport, Medicine, MoMA, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, Security Guards, Should've Used a Condom, Students, The Met, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

You Can't Handle the Wednesday One-Liner!

Girls on bench: Is US weekly magazine, like, the only one that's true?

–Central Park

Man on cell, crossing street: And I told that Jewish cunt that everything she's heard about black men is true, and I'm gonna stick my foot in her fucking mouth.

–46th St & Madison Ave

Bum conversing with Bible-toting teens: Yes, it's in the Bible… But is it true?

–Union Square

Skater boy: Most things aren't true.

–72nd St & Amsterdam