Coffee vendor: That iced coffee will be eight dollars, and the straw will cost you fifty cents extra, ha ha.
Cashier: Man, Joe, that coffee's expensive!
Coffee vendor: Why'd you gotta say my name, man? What if my baby mama came up in here looking for child support and youse be sayin' my name?!
–Westside Market
Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!
–Newark Flight
DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!
–Hammerstein Ballroom
Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.
–A Train
Overheard by: Sam
Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!
–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.
–6 Train
Overheard by: oya
Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time!
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Noelle
Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee.
–Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza
Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him
Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection.
–13th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: rolf
Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road!
–E train
Overheard by: In_the_Shadows
Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa!
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Joe
Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Lara
Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.
–DiFara Pizzeria
Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.
–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: depends on citizens
Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.
–52nd & 7th
Overheard by: AEVRed
Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?
–Scholastic Store, Soho
Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?
–Leon M. Goldstein High School
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…
Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?
–Canal Street Station
Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: fellow customer
Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: sarahjane
Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.
–Barnard College
Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: John David
Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!
–Nassau & Fulton
Overheard by: Tigertail
First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: bunbury
Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?
–70th & Broadway
Guy #1: Yeah… And then it always grosses me out when they split the skull open and eat the brains.
Guy #2: The brains are the best part.
Guy #1: Yeah, I guess that’s what Easter is all about.
–Mama Bell’s Pizza, Bayside
Overheard by: sara swank
Middle-aged lady #1: I just caught him masturbating!
Middle-aged lady #2: In the show?
–Ladies Room, Gershwin Theater
Long Island teenage girl #1: Yesterday the train was so much more crowded. You couldn't find a seat.
Long Island teenage girl #2: I found a seat yesterday.
Long Island teenage girl #1: Ugh! I don't want to sit next to creepy guys (pause) that make fun of us.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Non-creepy guy, that makes fun of them
Coat check girl: Last night Michael came in my eye and it was all puffy and red.
Stripper: Why did he do that?
Coat check: He said he didn’t mean it. Usually he goes for my nostrils or my ear. We couldn’t go out for dinner for two hours until it died down.
Stripper: Wow.
–Strip Club
Overheard by: rory
