Wednesday How-Many-Liners?

Tourist, looking at buildings across from Central Park: So which one is the Statue of Liberty?

–Columbus Circle

Girl: Are pork chops made of lamb?

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Nora Claire

Girl to bouncer at bar: Does this place have really awesome bathrooms?

–East Village

Overheard by: bb

Tourist: Is Chinatown closed?

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kristen

Hippie at exhibit for world's most extreme animals: Are they alive?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Lady on cell: Times Square's where that ball is, right?

–42nd St & 6th St

Overheard by: tourists rock

Guy: What is this? So I sign up and get a free beer?

–Designated Driver Booth, Citi Field

Overheard by: AJ

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bouncers, Chinatown, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Statue of Liberty, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Unlike This Guy

Little old black lady: Excuse me.
Metro guy in sunglasses with legs spread across three seats: (no response)
Little old black lady: Son! I know your balls can't be that big. Close your damn legs!
(other people laugh, and Metro guy closes legs)

–N Train

Posted on September 14, 2009
Balls, Black People, Body Parts, Comebacks, Guys, Height, Laughter, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

Dad's Heavy Into Semi-Intelligent Design

Woman to teen girl: Where did you get those fabulous blue eyes?
Brown-eyed dad: From her mother.
Woman: But blue eyes are recessive.
Brown-eyed dad: You have no idea what a bitch her mother is.

–City Hall Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on September 12, 2009
Beauty, Body Parts, Compliments, Dads, Insults, Parents, Parks, Questions, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Waiting for Those Boy Scouts to Come Out

Hot girl on cell: You got cockblocked by cancer! (pause, then very seriously) Is your pussy still radioactive?

–Upper East Side

Grown man talking to grown woman: You know the sandy vagina?

–32nd & 8th

Street man to slutty-looking hipsters: Freeze! Drop your drawers! We've got your pussy surrounded!

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: Maureen

30-something woman on cell: I like to use a blowdryer on the… uh… vaginas.

–D Train

Girl, screaming into cell: No, I will not give you my vagina!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Can I borrow it?

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Cancer, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners by Dan Brown

Loud bar patron, reading new item on menu: Anybody know what artisan cheese is? Anybody at all? (mutters) Shit man, this is Astoria, we don't know no artisan cheese.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Jesse

Guy: He said "when you cum yourself." I looked at him and said "that is not how you say that."

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Jill

Girl to friend: So, you see, I was right! It's spelled w-h-e-r-e!

–McDonald's

Guy: And stop trying to rhyme words with other words.

–16th St & 8th Ave

Guy to girl: I am really into words, especially long ones. I love them, and like, collect them. There is a word for people like that, but it's pretty long, so I can't remember it.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Eavesdropper

Lady: He doesn't speak English good, so he gots deported.

–Park Slope

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Cum, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hunter, Languages, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them

Woman on cell: You know, if it weren't for you, I'd be naked right now!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Woman on cell: So I enrolled him in that clothing optional preschool…

–Midtown

Overheard by: My preschool wasn't like that!

Burly guy on cell: Do me a favor: when you get back to the shop… No, listen, when you get back to the shop, sit backwards on the bike and have him rev it up. Naked. You'll cum in three seconds. No, trust me, trust me. Alright? Love you, darlin'. Bye.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: I want to ride my bicycle

Guy on cell: Alright, well, if I see you naked I'm probably gonna run away.

–15th & 8th

Girl, looking at nude painting: Finally, a woman with pubes!

–MoMA

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Cum, Elementary & Middle School, Girls, Guys, Hair, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, MoMA, Nudity, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Time, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Alice Serves As Narrator on the Q43

Old lady on bus noticing woman outside running trying to get the bus!
(bus driver stops and picks woman up)
Old lady to woman as she walks by her on the bus: See that? It's because you're good looking!

–Q43 Bus, Queens

Posted on September 8, 2009
Beauty, Bus, Compliments, Old People, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Queens, Women

She's Beautiful, but I'm Thin

Woman: So, my boyfriend has been listening to the Dreamgirls soundtrack all week. He loves that Jennifer Hudson song.
Guy friend: He's gay?
Woman: He is not gay.
Guy friend: Yeah, maybe he just thinks Jennifer Hudson is hot.
Woman: Oh god. He is gay!

–23rd & 6th

Posted on September 3, 2009
About Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Film, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Music, Physical appearance, Questions, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Symbolically Take Back the Power

Black dude to friend: Well, check this out my nigga! Cracking your knuckles does not lead to arthritis… Mythbusters, my nigga!

–Park Slope

Black pimp on cell: That nigger ain't even give you a little nigga baby. All that nigga ever do is just fuck you and leave your ass, bitch. You got a child yoself, take care of your real nigga baby, because that's the nigga who keeps with you. That nigga won't fuck any other sluts. (notices everybody's staring at him) What the fuck y'all niggas lookin at?

–Social Security Office, East Village

Would-be feminist: Pussy don't have no power no more, because if it did, niggas wouldn't be doin' what they do.

–Jefferson Ave & Throop Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jocasta Spell

Polish woman, walking up to group of ghetto fabs: Yo' wut up, my niggas? (pounds fist with ghetto fab guy)

–Delancy St

Overheard by: Kirkegaard

Crazy black man on phone: When you talk like that I'm gonna call you the N-word! (pause) Don't talk like that! (pause) I want to have sex with you.

–Murray Hill

Posted on September 2, 2009
Activists, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Black People, Crazies, Friends, Gangstas, Gender issues, Guys, Illness, Insults, Languages, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Don't Get Mad. Get Wednesday One-Liner.

Super gay dude to equally gay friend: You can tell she's mad when she starts using adjectives.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: liat

Angry black man to white man standing too close: Fool, whatcha think you're doin? You tryin' to get all up on me? You don't know what I could do. I could bust a cap in yo ass. I'm an angry black man!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bex

Black man to Asian woman he's trying to hit on: Why won't you talk to me, baby? You still mad about the Korean war?

–145th & Broadway

Older woman on cell: Trixie, you have to stop kicking things when you get mad!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sean

Trampy Spanish girl to cranky Spanish guy: Why are you mad? It was just a blowjob, and he's your brother!

–West Village

Overheard by: Stifled A. Guffaw