Wednesday One-Liners for Joe the Plumber

Glum construction worker, singing slowly: We will…we will…not get paid.

–Caton Place

Overheard by: Cottonfluff

Hardhat to another: You got a rash on yo ass, know what I'm sayin?

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: j

Construction worker to friends, watching girl in a bubble dress walk down the street: Damn, yo, I hate those skirts, yo. That's the stupidest shit I ever seen.

–13th St & 5th Ave

Construction worker to group of girls walking past, carrying food bags: Want to grab lunch?
(girls ignore him) Dinner? Breakfast? (girls continue to ignore him, so he yells at them) Just a snack, then?

–Prince Street

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Eastern European construction worker to pigeon: You! Yes, hey you! Eat this! Is good for you! Will put hair on your balls! Yes, eat, eat!

–23rd & 1st

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Birds, Blue-collar workers, Brooklyn, Clothing, Coworkers, Food, Friends, Girls, Hair, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Pick-up Lines, Soho, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Grandpa's Been Acting Weird Since He Got Feathered Bangs

Little boy: Grandpa, how are we going to get home?
Grandpa: (flaps his arms like he is a flying bird)

–6 Train

Overheard by: Meg.

Posted on December 1, 2008
Birds, Families, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions

Many Birds Have Difficulty Adjusting to City Life

Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (doors stay open) Pull yourself inside the door and let it close! (still open) Pull your pecker in! (doors close)

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: drew

Posted on November 23, 2008
Birds, Conductors, On the Subway, Penis, Public Transportation

Wednesday One-Liners?E I E I O

Cop to another: So she said, "see ya later, alligator." To which I retorted, "in a while, crocodile."

–Cunningham Park, Queens

Girl on cell: That was the day I woke up with the pigeon in my bed!

–Christopher St

Law school chick, stopping and staring at pigeon in her path: You go girl!

–East Village

Girl on intercom: Llama needed at the Oyster Bar ramp for a spill!

–Grand Central

Suit to friend: I mean, I don't understand. If people really want to pay like $30,000 to hunt them, I don't see what the problem is.

–Bronx Zoo

Curly grey-haired middle aged crafty lady: If you let them have sex with goats, they'll leave children alone!

–Crafts Fair, Red Hook Fairway

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Assholes, Astoria, Beastiality, Birds, Cops, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women

I'm Not a Wednesday One-Liner — You're a Turkey!

Hootchie, about subway smell: It smells like gooood chicken in here. Like McDonald's.

–86th St Subway Platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Barnard girl, indignantly: Chickens don't have thighs!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Thighless Wonder

Kid to friends: Oh, shit! I forgot there's a chicken in my backpack!

–Canal St Subway Station

Overheard by: Mel

Cracked out lady on one crutch to cashier: Do you guys still carry like, hamburgers and chicken sandwiches and stuff?

–McDonald's

Overheard by: Ben

Perspiring panhandler on definitely non-organic substances holding a can and singing: I love chickennn…chicken breastsss and thighhhs…chicken heads…mmmmmmm…I love them goooood (keeps going) Thank you. (extends his can for donations)

–7 Train

Overheard by: OG Bergenfield

Woman on phone with friend: I mean he wouldn't even cut my chicken in half for me at dinner. I was all givin' him shit for it. We got in this fight and I told him, "That's what people do to show each other that they care! They cut each other's chicken in half or make them a can of soup or whateva'!" You know what I'm sayin'?

–88th St & Broadway

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Columbia, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Homeless, Hootchies, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners' Drawings Are All Over the Refrigerator

Little kid looking out subway window: Look mom! The projects!

–N Train

Overheard by: patricia

Three-year-old girl to mom looking at a painting: Why am I so biiiggggg?

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: alison

Little boy, whining to his mother while following her the wrong way through IKEA: We're never going to get out of here!

–IKEA, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lost In Space

Small child: Look at that pigeon, mommy, I want to eat it!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Natalie

Two-year-old girl (shaking her ass): Hubba hubba!

–Central Park

Little boy: Mommy! Let's go look at the hos now!

–Museum of Natural History, Native American Exhibit

Pudgy Asian kid standing in circle of sitting summer campers: The capital of Thailand is Bangkok! Who wants a tea bag?

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Thaibag

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Birds, Boys, Brooklyn, Central Park, College, Fears, Food, Girls, Kids, Museum of Natural History, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Store, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Are You Pre-op or Post-op, Wednesday One-Liners?

Pragmatic bouncer: Well, there weren’t enough women there, so we threw in a tranny…

–Broadway Caribou Coffee

Overheard by: jenny Lui

Man, to friend: So, he says to me "Oh, I have a sex-change operation scheduled for that day, so I can’t make it."

–46th, b/w 8th & 9th

Overheard by: christine

30-something woman with nose ring, on cell: She’s like a transvestite… And an ugly bird. She’s like a transvestite and an emu. [pause] It’s a really ugly bird.

–7th Ave

Overheard by: James from Jersey

Guy: So then I was like, suck my twat!

–21st & 6th

20-something girl: I had him as both a man and a woman.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Tater

Dude: It’s been ages since I had testicles!

–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Birds, Bouncers, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Not New York, On Cell, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Surgery, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women, Words

Okay, the KY Bottle in Its Beak Is Suspicious

Chick in passenger’s seat: Is that a bird?
Boyfriend: Sounds like it’s fucking!
Chick: Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?

–Toll Booth, Henry Hudson Bridge

Overheard by: bridgemaster

Posted on April 19, 2008
Birds, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girlfriends, Hudson River, Sex, Weirdness

Hot Wednesday-on-Wednesday One-Liners

Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!

–South Street Sea Port

Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York

Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!

–F Train

Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.

–Odessa’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso

Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.

–Beaver St , Hanover Square

Overheard by: WallStGuy

Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.

–V Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Black People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Punks, Questions, Singing, Teens, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Stray from the Syllabus

Professor: Old people will sign anything.

–Brooklyn College

Professor: What do you guys think of this poster? It annoys me. I would wear this on a t-shirt just to annoy people.

–Pratt Institute

Sociology professor: New York is a megalopolis, while Boston is only a metropolis, although Bostonites would argue that… Bostonites… Bostoners… Bostonians? Pshhh, whatever.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

Philosophy professor, drawing: Here is the world… Here are some birds… And people. Here’s someone… Here’s someone hitting someone with an ax. Some people do axings… Some people don’t.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: no axings!

Old professor with French accent: Hot climate is associated in this book with passion or sex. I think that I, for example, really never did have sex in a sub-zero temperature.

–NYU Cantor Film Center

Overheard by: suddenly surrounded by students’ awkward snickers

Sociology professor: I’ll tell you a story that most people laugh hysterically at, but it actually makes me really sad… Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on April 2, 2008
Age/Aging, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn College, Classroom, Clothing, College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Fordham, Foreigners, Heat, Insults, Laughter, Murder, Names, NYU, Old People, Philosophy, School and studying, Sex, Teachers/Professors, The Village, U.S. Geography, Visual Art, Weapons, Weather, Weirdness, Words