Mother to young son: If daddy asks you why mommy's upset with him, you say it's because he doesn't take care of her.
Young son: I ain't saying nothing.
–B Train
Mother to young son: If daddy asks you why mommy's upset with him, you say it's because he doesn't take care of her.
Young son: I ain't saying nothing.
–B Train
Rangers fan, about two players who are brothers: No, they're like the same age. They've gotta be like four or five months apart.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: helenathegreat
Blonde to blonde friend, looking outside from Legally Blonde theater: Oh, wow, it's still light out.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jaime and Bridget
Girl to friend: I don't even know how long ago one minute ago was.
–New Year's Eve, Times Square
Overheard by: Kristina
Girl, pointing to turkey walking around: Look at the peacock, it's so pretty!
–Central Park
Lady on cell: I told her she was an ungrateful b-i-c-t-h!
–14D Bus
Overheard by: Evan Wilson
Sketchy guy to hot girl: Hey, baby girl, I like takin' long walks through the projects, sittin' on a park bench eatin' French fries… (she walks away) Hey baby, come back!
–Christopher & 7th
Guy to girl walking down the street: Hey you…I wanna get on your bus.
–125th b/w Park & Lexington
Overheard by: Reilly
Big dude to hot girl: Hey girl, come talk to me for a minute. (she stays still) C'mon girl, chubby thugs need love too.
–Franklin Ave & Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn
Black thug to white girls: I'm Barack Obama's cousin, wanna go on a date? (they pass) That's gonna be my new pickup line, yo.
–33rd St & 6th Ave
Guy, as a curvy woman struts past him: Shake what yo momma gave you…not what yo momma paid for!
–Shuttle Train
Overheard by: Meredith
Seton Hall jock, leering at female in next seat: Wow, this ticket has more holes in it than I've ever seen before!
–NJ Transit
Drunk guy to girl on subway platform, after Yankees game: I'm a classy guy! I will take you to the fucking Radisson!
–Yankee Stadium Subway Platform
Girl: How's your sister?
Doucherocket maximus: She just had a miscarriage, which was good because we didn't want her to breed with him.
–A Train
Overheard by: Sabrina
Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!
–Port Authority Bus Station
Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?
–N Train
Overheard by: Tater
Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.
–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center
Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!
–23rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?
–31st b/w 9th &10th
Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone
Hot girl #1: My grandmother's vagina fell out or something.
Hot girl #2: Like I hope that's not hereditary.
–50th & 6th
Girl, as UPS truck passes: Would you rather call FedEx or UPS?
Guy: I don't mind, as long as my package gets to where it needs to be.
Girl: Where does your package need to go?
Guy: My package needs to go up in your sister in Virgina.
–Time Square
Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that…
–Crosstown Bus
Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.
–107 & West End
Overheard by: kdub
Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog…
–1 Train
Overheard by: CreateEvity
Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me…that's a Marmaduke?
–3rd Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jeff S.
Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.
–Wall Street
Stoner girl: After Thanksgiving break I realized that no one in my family ever knows what the fuck I am talking about.
Stoner guy: Yeah! Totally! Everything I said to my dad he'd be like “What?! What the hell does that have to do with the price of beans in Hong Kong?”
–Fordham University, Rose Hill Campus
Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.
–The Cooper Union
NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!
–NYU
Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.
–Classroom, Columbia University
Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Yeah. It did.
