We Pause for a Wednesday One-Liners Public Service Announcement

Girl on cell: Yeah, the breakup was tough, but I'm feeling good about it now! (pause) Hell, yes, I'm dating! (pause) Yeah, it's an exciting time! So much suspense, so many questions! Will he call me? Whom should I choose? Does he like me? Do I have syphilis?

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: All good questions

Drunk gay guy who just dropped lit cigarette: Shit! If I pick this up, do I have herpes?

–Waverly & University Place

Guy to friend: Nietzsche had syphilis… Why can't I?

–G Train

Woman at newsstand: Do you sell anything for herpes and cold sores?

–W 4th St

Overheard by: wow…i didnt kno they sold that her

Gay man to girlfriend: Is Mr Syphilis coming?

–24th & 2nd

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on July 21, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Illness, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Philosophy, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Smoking, STDs, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Having an Episode.

Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!

–F Train

Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.

–3rd & 84th

Overheard by: Daniela

Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !

–Q Train

Overheard by: Taylor

Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.

–Library

Overheard by: Elyse

Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.

–81st St & Columbus Ave

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Gripes, Illness, Insults, Kids, Library, Lies, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Students, Suits, Teens, Threats, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Anything You Say Can and Will Be Used Against Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy to father, watching NYPD officers standing outside on horseback: Shit, yo! The cops is here!

–W 42nd St

Overheard by: Nikki

Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrians: We have sidewalks in New York. Try using them!

–Chinatown

NYC cop to pushy tourist: Don't touch me, I have no answers for you.

–Columbus Circle

Man to cop: When are you gonna learn that, man? People suck!

–Grand Central Station

Cop on horseback to pedestrian horse admirer: Don't get any closer to the horse, unless you want rabies.

–3rd St & Thompson

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on March 10, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Chinatown, Cops, Dads, Grand Central, Gripes, Illness, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Only in New York, Parents, Questions, Strangers, Street, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

“Not a Wednesday Was Stirring, Not Even a One-Liner”

Little girl: Daddy! I'm so excited to see the rats!

–Metro-North Rail

20-something guy to friends: He couldn't drink because he was on antibiotics. He got a rat disease from a lab rat that bit him.

–Lincoln Center

Guy to girlfriend: I step on dead rats all the time!

–Mercer St

Overheard by: Julie

20-something girl on cell: The mouse was fed to the snake the night before, so when I saw it the next morning, I freaked.

–R Train

Cop: We had a guy down here eating a rat. I said, "You're a gentleman in society." He put the rat in his mouth.

–South Ferry Subway

Posted on January 20, 2010
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Cops, Dads, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Street, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…So, Too Bad You're So Sweet.

Cute hipster girl to guy with missing front tooth: Excuse me, is this your needle?
(hands him hypodermic needle he had left on his seat)
Sketchy guy: Oh, yeah, thanks. Diabetic.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rick Bruner

Posted on November 9, 2009
Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Hipsters, Illness, On the Subway, Questions

Control-Alt-Wednesday One-Liners

Lady with no teeth to bathroom attendant: I love your sparkly eyeshadow! The doctor who did my second abortion had the same eyeshadow!

–Public Restroom, Bryant Park

Overheard by: Slydell

Girl on cell: I would rather have diabetes than get an abortion.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Kári Emil

Asian hipster girl: Abortion, abortion, abortion, Aids!

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: i'll take the next elevator

Teen on cell: I've never been a fan of abortion, but if we could just make this little mistake go away.

–Penn Station

Hipster girl to friends: I mean, I think it should be a choice. Like, I'm not pro-abortion. Actually, I am pro-abortion. I think we should all have been aborted. Our parents made the wrong choice.

–2 Train

Guy on cell: I've pooped in the bushes and an abortion clinic, but never on the floor.

–The Gate, Park Slope

Overheard by: Nathan

Posted on October 14, 2009
Abortion, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Bars & Clubs, Bryant Park, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Illness, Makeup, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Penn Station, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Starbucks Blended Drinks Finally Jump the Shark.

Teen guy: It smells like diarrhea.
Teen girl: Yeah, after someone fucked it.
Teen guy: It smells all sugary and sweet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jennie

Posted on October 11, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Illness, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Times Square, Weirdness

Where's Wednesday One-Liner's Busy Bee? It Needs Its Busy Bee!!

Crazy older guy to lady in park with barking dog: Lady, you keep that dog quiet! That dog is better-looking than you are.

–W 63rd & West End

Overheard by: Beez and Newb

Guy in red shirt: You make me feel so pedophilic when I tell you about violating my dog.

–Central Park

Man on cell: You're always saying your dog is sick! "My dog has diarrhea! I can't come out!"

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: would you rather she have it?

Black kid to white couple walking poodle: I've only seen dogs like that in movies.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Poodle Lady

Girl on cell: So I'm getting off the a and I see this tall girl and I know her! So I'm like "Sarah?" and she's like "I haven't seen you since middle school!" and she cut all her hair off and she's like "When did you dye your hair black?" and my hair's soooo not black! But I saw Sarah! You know, the one whose cat tried to eat my toes off that one time! So we talked and then there was this lady who was totally tossing chow all over the place! Hello! Trash can right there—hold up, I gotta go, I see a Weiner dog!

–72nd St & Central Park West

Posted on October 7, 2009
Beastiality, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Elementary & Middle School, Film, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Illness, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Movies, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Rape, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Symbolically Take Back the Power

Black dude to friend: Well, check this out my nigga! Cracking your knuckles does not lead to arthritis… Mythbusters, my nigga!

–Park Slope

Black pimp on cell: That nigger ain't even give you a little nigga baby. All that nigga ever do is just fuck you and leave your ass, bitch. You got a child yoself, take care of your real nigga baby, because that's the nigga who keeps with you. That nigga won't fuck any other sluts. (notices everybody's staring at him) What the fuck y'all niggas lookin at?

–Social Security Office, East Village

Would-be feminist: Pussy don't have no power no more, because if it did, niggas wouldn't be doin' what they do.

–Jefferson Ave & Throop Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jocasta Spell

Polish woman, walking up to group of ghetto fabs: Yo' wut up, my niggas? (pounds fist with ghetto fab guy)

–Delancy St

Overheard by: Kirkegaard

Crazy black man on phone: When you talk like that I'm gonna call you the N-word! (pause) Don't talk like that! (pause) I want to have sex with you.

–Murray Hill

Posted on September 2, 2009
Activists, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Black People, Crazies, Friends, Gangstas, Gender issues, Guys, Illness, Insults, Languages, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Fifth: Dick.

Young woman #1, before movie starts: I'm gonna go.
Young woman #2: Why? Don't go.
Young woman #1: I'm gonna meet up with my man.
Young woman #2: Come on! Don't you want to stay for the movie?
Young woman #1: I'm gonna leave now cause: first of all… booty call. Second of all… dick. Third of all… dick. Fourth… my man is sick and I have Tums with me.

–Movie, Bryant Park

Posted on August 22, 2009
Booty Call, Bryant Park, Illness, Medicine, Movie Theaters, Movies, Penis, Questions, Wishes & desires, Women

Illness