Murray Hill and Gramercy

Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.

–L Train

Overheard by: Kansas

Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.

–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.

–Coffe Bar Lounge

Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.

–Shake Shack

Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth

Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Joy

Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.

–Stuyvesant Square

Overheard by: Peanut

Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Overheard by: Austin G.

Thug: Hey, hot stuff!
Hottie: Eeeeewww! Freak!
Thug: Yeah, I'm a freak. You know you like that…you like freaks. You like freaks, right?

–23rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: chino

Guido: I once kept a clove of garlic in my mouth for a whole week.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: Alistar Spencer

20-something to Guido friend: Dude, it's not my fault you look like a child molester.

–Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Sam

Guido with gelled hair to Guidette, as it starts to rain: I made $500 off this haircut, I am not getting it wet and ruined! No!

–Union Square

Guido on 'roids, to his three Guido friends: Yo, it don't matter if you fucked 5,000 girls! You suck a cock once, you a cock-sucker fo' life!

–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: POLA

Guido to another: Boy, breakdancing when you're high is impossible.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: baby g

Guido on cell: I have an extra queen-sized mattress at my place. I'll set up my camera, you'll come over with Sarah and fuck on it, and we can sell it as a porno afterwards. I don't see why this is so hard.

–St. Mark's & Ave. A

Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead.

–Store, 2nd Ave

Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says.

–Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st

Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day!

–W 3rd & MacDougal St

Overheard by: Matt

60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie!

–Penn Station

Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine.

–Caroll Gardens

Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain.

–Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill

Teenybopper: I was going to see Legally Blonde, but then I threw up in Kmart twice.

–Delacourte Theater, before Hair

Overheard by: Morgan

Girl to another: It's easy–you just put your finger down your throat and you vomit!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Sarah

Guy on laptop to woman sitting next to him: Sorry if I make throw-up noises, no offense.

–Penn Station, NJ Transit

Overheard by: altaatlantic

Girl on cell: Oh my god. Like if that meal wasn't so expensive, I would have thrown it up!

–3rd Ave & 8th St

Overheard by: rachel

Teenage girl on payphone: Ma? Hey ma? Hold on. (vomits) I'm throwing up! (vomits some more) I *said* I'm (vomits a third time) throwing up. I'm done now. What?

–Wilson Ave, Bushwick

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Girl to friend, while smoking: So there I was, puking…and they started to have sex!

–Third and Long Bar

Cop: You can't go this way.
Driver: Shut the fuck up, asshole.
Cop: Tell it to your wife, buddy.

–17th & 2nd

Shady guy rolling an oriental rug on a hand truck: New rug! Good price I give you!
Couple standing outside: Nah, that's okay.
Shady guy: It's brand new! You can make love on it!

–Madison Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Marie Z.

Man on phone: Well, I got a shirt but it wasn't quite what I was looking for, so I'm gonna go to Whole Foods and get some breadsticks.

–Astor Place

Older, bespectacled white male at table with wife: Motherfuckin' tube socks…

–Jazz Standard, 27th & Park

Overheard by: V

6'6" man (earnestly): Honestly, if I were Hillary, I would never wear a pantsuit! You know what I mean?

–Bellevue Hospital

Overheard by: Ingwall

Cracker: I hate fighting rastas. Man, I really do. It's those hats…you never know what they're hiding in those fuckin' hats!

–Marcy & Broadway

Man: Do you realize you just offended a man carrying an organic tote bag?

–6 Train

Overheard by: wb

Barfly to bartender: Is that your belt or a wrinkle in the fabric of time?

–Thirsty Scholar, 2nd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Jas

Drunken woman: So why did you decide to marry her?
Drunken man: Because she just moved in!

–Ayza Wine & Chocolate Bar

Overheard by: Colleen

20-something male #1: Dude, all she did all week was stay out late, get drunk, and hook up with random guys.
20-something male #2: Yeah, but that's what vacation is for.
20-something male #1: Not when it's your 13-year-old sister!

–Gramercy

Overheard by: She said she was 19