Oh No, Wednesday One-Liners Didn't!

Middle aged white woman on cell: I did not call you a scumbag, but you are a scumbag.

–3rd Ave & 85th

Overheard by: Guy Walking

Street youth to another: Nigga, you got a face like a hologram!

–159th St & Ft. Washington

Girl: Yeah, she was like, "Oh my god! Did you see what this guy was wearing?" Please, she should go to a state school, because it sounds like that's where she belongs.

–NYU

Girl to boyfriend, during fight: You're like an empty Christmas present!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Lizzie

Guy on cell: Well, that's one way of looking at it, but could it be possible that you just suck as a person, and it was really all your fault?

–N Train

Overheard by: Shock-E

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Insults, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Street, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Ever Feel Like There's Less Mystery in the Gay Dating Scene?

Drunk guy #1: Don't take this the wrong way, but I really want to take you home tonight.
Drunk guy #2: How am I supposed to take that?
Drunk guy #1, seriously: In the ass.

–F Train

Posted on June 30, 2009
Ass, Backdoor, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Wishes & desires

Forty-Year-Old Wirgins

Asian guy #1: Dude, the Wii is so much better than the Cube.
Asian guy #2: No, the Cube is so much better!
Asian guy #3: Yeah, the Cube has so much more power, and the dynamics of the graphics…
Asian guy #2, interrupting: The graphics! They are soooo awesome!
Asian guy #1: Hey, guys? Why are we talking about video games?
Asian guy #3: Because we're boys.
Asian guy #2: Nah…because we're Asian.
Asian guy #3: Dude, if I could be Colossus it would be sooo cool, cuz I wouldn't have to wear my glasses anymore!

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Emma

Headline by: Doc Dan

Runners-Up:
· “And Have an Undersized Metal Penis!” – Patrick
· “Every Asian GirlÂ´s ParentsÂ´ Wet Dream!” – Ria
· “It Was at This Moment Kim Jong-il Selected His Son to Be His Successor” – What about NES?
· “Somewhere, the Mutant Sunspot Is Gently Weeping” – wirrrn

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 29, 2009
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Video Games, Wishes & desires

Glenn Close: Now That's Crazy

Black woman: Girl, I be crazy!
Friend: I know!
Black woman: I mean, that nigga break up with me, and I just start in with the rip-rip-rip, and I tore up his clothes, and his furs, right?
Friend: Right!
Black woman: And then he come home, and that nigga be cryin'! And I'm like, “No furs, no car, no nothin! You thought it was over? Now it's over!”
Friend: Yeah!
Black woman: And he can't do nothin' to me–I'll have his ass thrown in jail, you know. And then get him ass-raped.
Friend: What?
Black woman: Yeah, my dad's in prison. How about that, nigga? I put your ass in jail, then I get you ass-raped!
Friend: You are one crazy bitch!
Black woman: You know it! All right honey, here's the subway, gotta go, love you!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on June 29, 2009
Ass, Black People, Breaking Up, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Crying, Friends, On the Subway, Parents, Prison, Rape, Threats, Violence, Weirdness, Women

I Prefer to Think Of What I Do As Panhandling Express

Black guy wearing North Face: Listen up, people! I'ma need some money to buy a coat, cuz it's freezin out there! This coat that I'm wearin' ain't mine, it's my friend's. So I'ma need some money to buy a coat…yo, what stop is this?
Asian kid: Times Square.
Black guy: Okay…if you want to donate, you can't. Cause I gotta go, man.

–1 Train

Posted on June 28, 2009
Asians, Black People, Clothing, Guys, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Public Transportation, Questions, Weather, Weirdness

Careful– She's a Nunja

Drunk girl: Hey, you know that girl over there?
Sober friend: Yeah.
Drunk girl: She's… She's a virgin… In all ways.

–F Train

Posted on June 26, 2009
Drunks, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Questions, Virginity

Next Thing I Know You'll Be Putting My Baby in the Corner!

Black woman with baby, after being pushed by white woman entering crowded subway: Do you not see the baby?
White woman: Yes, I saw the baby!
Black woman: No, you didn't, because you were pushing your titties on the baby!
(white woman ignores her)
Black woman to man next to her: You! Get yo ass out of my baby's face!

–F Train

Overheard by: What's a sombrero?

Posted on June 26, 2009
Ass, Babies, Black People, Crazy, Men, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Rack, White People, Women

Now Try That While Drinking a Glass Of Water

Conductor: If you want to go to Far Rockaway, you need to get off the train. (now in female voice) But why, conductor? (in normal voice) Cause it's the last stop you can do that. (pause) This is the train to L-L-L-L-L-L-Lefferts Blvd. Get off for Ffffffaaaaaarrrr Rockaway.

–A Train

Overheard by: Lonley Laugher

Posted on June 25, 2009
Conductors, Directions, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness

Actually, I Hear White Castle Is a Lot Better on the Way Out

Ghetto lady, about young, drunk yuppie throwing his guts up: Daaaamn, that shit's spicy.
Ghetto man to yuppie's girlfriend: You gonna tongue-kiss that nigga now?

–D Train

Overheard by: i bet it was thai

Posted on June 25, 2009
Drunks, Gangstas, Ghetto Chicks, Girlfriends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On the Subway, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Vomit, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Go Both Ways

Girl, to herself: What if my water breaks in an elevator? (laughs) Akwaaaaard!

–High School

Conductor, after announcement tone: By the way, this is not an elevator. Waving your bag in the door does absolutely nothing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: you tell 'em

Middle-aged woman, pushing "up" elevator button to another pushing "down" button: You know, I could never figure it out with elevators, do you press the button to tell the elevator to come to you, or do you press it to tell it where you want to go?

–Building, Midtown

Overheard by: Delish

Older usher at Empire State Building: Please step out of the elevator. And as Beyonce says, to the left. To the left!

–Empire State Building

Lady on cell, waiting in line: Oh really? Well, I had heard someone took a crap in a Manhattan elevator!

–Supermarket, The Bronx

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Elevators, Empire State Building, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grocery Stores, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

On the Subway