Yo Momma So Wednesday, She One-Liners!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.

–90th & Amsterdam Ave

Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.

–South Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: smfd

Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh really

Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.

–W 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Katie_AK

Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Adriana

Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Taryn

Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?

–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island

Posted on December 7, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Comebacks, Crime and Punishment, Death, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, MILF, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Prison, Public Transportation, Questions, Staten Island, Students, Thievery, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Silly Rabbit, Wednesday One-Liners Are for Kids

Excited little girl to friend: Hey! Wanna see my room? It's really cool! I got a bed!

–Whole Foods, Tribeca

Three-year-old girl, excitedly pointing at picture on store front: Look mommy, it's Buddha! It's Buddha!

–Ave B b/w 3rd & 4th

Overheard by: EVgirl

Young girl to father: Only 1,486 days until I'm 18 and then I can do whatever the heck I want.

–E 78th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Brandon F

4-year-old girl to father trying to board overcrowded train: Jesus, we should have taken the bus! I told you we should have taken the bus.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: kdice

Five-year-old son to father who just dropped BlackBerry: What the hell just happened here?

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Four-year-old girl: I'mma hustla! I'mma, I'mma hustla!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Nina

Posted on December 5, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Blackberry, Buddha, Central Park, Dads, Friends, Insults, Kids, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Time, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires

No Wednesday One-Liner, No Love

50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Funky Monkey

Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean… I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!

–2nd Ave & 9th

Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!

–Times Square

Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?

–Astor Place

Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!

–Babies"R"Us, Union Square

Overheard by: miziz

Posted on December 3, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cleanliness, Condoms, Drunks, Erections, Food, Friends, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Preppies, President, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Time, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, Dry-Clean Only

Suit on cell: And three girls we know will be there. They're all hideous. But at least they're girls.

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Heinz

Man in suit: The building is surrounded by outside. Right before you go in and when you come out, you are outside!

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Suit whining on cell: Aw, come on! I wanna be on top this time!

–Flushing

Overheard by: Zee

Suit: The only time I wore socks last year was during my swearing in.

–Maiden & William

Suit: You know, we should probably just send a company-wide email in the morning: "hey guys, we're fucked."

–Wall St

Overheard by: Tamcakes

Posted on December 2, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fashion, Gender issues, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Science, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-liners Up the Wazoo

Queer: It was, like, 8:30 in the morning and my colon called and said it needed a filling.

–Christopher Street Pier

Overheard by: Fourth Axiom

Posted on December 2, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Body Parts, One-liners, Players, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Sexuality, West Village

Wednesday One-liners is Fundamental

Man: With this many books you are almost certain to make a mistake in your choice.

–The Strand

Overheard by: Jill A.

Posted on December 1, 2014
Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Manhattan, On the Subway, One-liners, Pop Culture, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village

The Excessive Violence of Wednesday One-liners

Suit: All right, here’s my analysis. We are going to take Steve and put him in the middle of Times Square and set him on fire.

–Nassau & Wall

Posted on November 29, 2014
One-liners, Suits, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners, the Forbidden Dance

Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.

–Uptown 6 Train

Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.

–Times Square

Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!

–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ak

Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.

–F Train

Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McNasty

College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"

–Union Square

Posted on November 28, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Men, Myspace, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Do You Ever Get That Not-So-Wednesday-One-Liner Feeling?”

Girl on cell at register: It's like… If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. (pause) If it doesn't? Well then baby, fuck that nigga, cuz he was a douchebag anyway.

–Deli, Brooklyn

Girl: It sounds douchey. But not like "douchebag" douchey. Like "Summer's Eve" douchey.

–Tribeca

Man to another, on Halloween: Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: T.J.

Hipster dude, sarcastically to others: I love douchebag bars.

–Outside Puck Fair

Overheard by: Is this the definition of irony?

Posted on November 28, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Love, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Philosophy, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-liners Are a Real Mother

Ghettomama: My son’s favorite color used to be red, because his father is a Blood, but I’ve gotten him out of that. Now it’s blue, and his father is going nuts.

–30th & 5th

8-year-old boy: But why does your mom want to get so many tattoos?

–94th between Broadway & Amsterdam

Posted on November 26, 2014
Ghetto Chicks, One-liners, Parents, Should've Used a Condom