Wednesday One-Liners, Dry-Clean Only

Suit on cell: And three girls we know will be there. They're all hideous. But at least they're girls.

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Heinz

Man in suit: The building is surrounded by outside. Right before you go in and when you come out, you are outside!

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Suit whining on cell: Aw, come on! I wanna be on top this time!

–Flushing

Overheard by: Zee

Suit: The only time I wore socks last year was during my swearing in.

–Maiden & William

Suit: You know, we should probably just send a company-wide email in the morning: "hey guys, we're fucked."

–Wall St

Overheard by: Tamcakes

Posted on December 2, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fashion, Gender issues, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Science, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-liners Up the Wazoo

Queer: It was, like, 8:30 in the morning and my colon called and said it needed a filling.

–Christopher Street Pier

Overheard by: Fourth Axiom

Posted on December 2, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Body Parts, One-liners, Players, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Sexuality, West Village

Wednesday One-liners is Fundamental

Man: With this many books you are almost certain to make a mistake in your choice.

–The Strand

Overheard by: Jill A.

Posted on December 1, 2014
Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Manhattan, On the Subway, One-liners, Pop Culture, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village

The Excessive Violence of Wednesday One-liners

Suit: All right, here’s my analysis. We are going to take Steve and put him in the middle of Times Square and set him on fire.

–Nassau & Wall

Posted on November 29, 2014
One-liners, Suits, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners, the Forbidden Dance

Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.

–Uptown 6 Train

Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.

–Times Square

Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!

–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ak

Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.

–F Train

Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McNasty

College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"

–Union Square

Posted on November 28, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Men, Myspace, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Do You Ever Get That Not-So-Wednesday-One-Liner Feeling?”

Girl on cell at register: It's like… If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. (pause) If it doesn't? Well then baby, fuck that nigga, cuz he was a douchebag anyway.

–Deli, Brooklyn

Girl: It sounds douchey. But not like "douchebag" douchey. Like "Summer's Eve" douchey.

–Tribeca

Man to another, on Halloween: Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: T.J.

Hipster dude, sarcastically to others: I love douchebag bars.

–Outside Puck Fair

Overheard by: Is this the definition of irony?

Posted on November 28, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Love, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Philosophy, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-liners Are a Real Mother

Ghettomama: My son’s favorite color used to be red, because his father is a Blood, but I’ve gotten him out of that. Now it’s blue, and his father is going nuts.

–30th & 5th

8-year-old boy: But why does your mom want to get so many tattoos?

–94th between Broadway & Amsterdam

Posted on November 26, 2014
Ghetto Chicks, One-liners, Parents, Should've Used a Condom

Wednesday One-Liners in Elbow-Patch Blazers

Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.

–Fordham Universityy

Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.

–Yeshiva University

English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.

–Hunter college

Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: EntertainedStudent

Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.

–NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on November 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Books & Writing, Classroom, College, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Fordham, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Judaism, Marriage, Medicine, NYU, One-liners, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesdays Wonder How Much Their One-Liners Would Bring on the Open Market

Serious 40-something man to five-year-old girl: So why do I always have to be the one to buy dinner?

–8th Ave & 44th St

Overheard by: Dean

Mother to toddler: Why you always gotta sing Barney? Always Barney! You are so annoying! I'm sick of Barney.

–1 Train

Middle-aged Jewish man to eleven-year-old girl: But I don't think you have to worry about that, Talia, because there are very few Zoroastrians around these days.

–93rd & Broadway

Ghetto father making out with ghetto girl, to two-year-old tugging at his jeans: Nigga, stop cock-blockin me!

–Fordham Road

Overheard by: Laura

Angry mom to eight-year-old son: When I find that brick, you're in big trouble!

–Kane St & Clinton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Phycobilins

Emphatic mom to child holding her hand: You've gotta hold my hand! I'm forty-six years old and I still hold my mommy's hand! I'm forty-six years old! So you've gotta hold my hand!

–50th & 9th

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on November 26, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dads, Family Ties, Food, Ghetto Chicks, Gripes, Jews, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Religion, Sex, Street, The Bronx, Threats, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are My Anti-Drug

Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we're all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall… or taking it with water.

–24th St & 3rd Ave

Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I'd totally be getting more ass.

–Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Jack

Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground-up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!

–N Train

Architecture professor: Everything in moderation… except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Posted on November 22, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Cocaine, College, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Drugs, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Medicine, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Time, Weirdness