Promiscuity

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"

–R Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: kfkdjsdf

Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!

–SoHo

Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Jack Package

13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.

–H & M

Overheard by: Imani

Actually, Something Like This

Unattractive fag hag: So we went out Friday and he slept over afterwards.
Gay male friend: I knew it!
Unattractive fag hag: Yeah, but then like, the next morning, I was in the other room and I overheard him talking on his cell phone and he was saying something about how I was a brown bagger. What does that mean, that it was in the bag? Like, I'm a slut?
Gay male friend: Uhhhh… something like that.

–L Train

Wednesday One-Liners May Give You Gas

Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad.

–SoHo

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust)

–Applebee's, Astoria

Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume!

–6th Ave & W 12th St

Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'…"

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Mira

Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!"

–8th & 45th

Overheard by: i'd be scared, too

Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes?

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Brooke

What's So Deadly About Wednesday One-Liners?

Gluttony

Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn!

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Sam

Lust

Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore…

–5th Ave & 12th St

Greed

Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe

Sloth

Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now?

–L Train

Wrath

Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you.

–Brooklyn College Library

Envy

Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous!

–Bleecker & Spring

Pride

Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass!

–Battery Park

Or Start Carrying My Keys in a Purse

Girl #1: You really need to start keeping your legs closed!
Girl #2: You're right, I really need to keep them closed!

–Union Square

Like the Four Hundred Before Me Did

20-something woman #1: I can't believe you slept with him, you know his girlfriend!
20-something woman #2: I don't really know his girlfriend, I met her once. And we're friends on MySpace. But she has 800 friends, so any of them could have fucked him.

–Bryant Park

Wednesday One-Liners, with Tongue.

College girl to friend, disappointed: You know? I only made out with one of them…

–NYU Dorm

(hobo shakes can with change and interrupts couple in heated makeout session)
Bitchy girlfriend, shrieking: Seriously? Seriously? Are you seriously asking me now? We're in the middle of making out. Seriously?

–Ave B & 7th St

Overheard by: friend of the mole people

Guido to another: When you're makin' out, the next thing you know, you could be bangin'.

–Staten Island

Girl to guy friend: Once you get married, we are never going to be able to make out anymore.

–Houston & Mulberry

Man to friend: It's like that time I saw two women on walkers making out. I love New York!

–45th & 10th

Overheard by: Drunk

What Happens When You Cheat on the Test

Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna love pediatrics!
Dude #2: Dude, I know. Dude! I was at the clinic, and there was this girl, you know, already laid back in the chair. She was waiting for something, I don't know, I don't know what she was waiting for, but she was already back in the chair, and… dude, she was sick hot. Like, she was a local, but she looked like a Dominican Jennifer Lopez.
Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna have so much fun with that!
Dude #2: I know, dude. I'm gonna fuckin lay my talons into that shit. Single moms? There are gonna be a ton of single moms! Third year? Good times, dude!
Dude #1: (chuckles into the stunned silences of dudes #3 and #4)
Dude #2: I'm glad I took ethics, dude. Shit, ethics? I didn't really learn a whole lot from ethics, dude.
Dudes #3 and #4: (amplified stunned silence)

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Lili

…Which Isn't Degrading If She Likes It.

Girl: She doesn't have sex.
Gay guy: Ugh. Why not? She looks like a dirty whore.
Girl: I don't know…
Gay guy: Like the kind of whore you'd spit on after cumming on her face.

–Bryant Park

Wednesdays Have “The Last Supper” on Their One-Liners

Guy: Do I look like I ordered strawberries and cream? I have tattoos on my head and face!

–Starbucks

Being a full-time tranny is like having a tattoo on your forehead. Like, you can't work, like, what do you do?

–Brooklyn

Customer to another, about barber: Take him for example, he was in the special forces. He's got a big tattoo on his arm that says, "Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out." Drop him off in Prospect Park today and tomorrow he'll be eating a sandwich.

–Park Slope Barber Shop

Overheard by: ian daywalker

Chatty young woman to bored-looking guy friend: You know, my shoes would really look a lot better if I had a foot tattoo.

–D Train

Man with tattoo that reads "don't go to hell" to friend: There's a funny story behind this tattoo. I was dating this bitch, and she would wake up every morning and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was going to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sexually, she was great. We'd go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we'd have two or three women hanging around us trying to go home with us.

–Chipotle

Overheard by: Jana

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