Wednesday Accidentally Leaves a Sponge in the One-Liner

Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister

Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ladle

UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Overheard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Tam

Posted on February 1, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Elevators, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hotels, Medicine, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Preppies, Street, Surgery, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

Posted on January 9, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Dreams, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, God, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kink, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Satan, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Teachers/Professors, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

If Everybody You Meet Is a Wednesday One-Liner, Check the Mirror

Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric's an asshole, but he's like… my asshole.

–11th & Broadway

Overheard by: Z

Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes.

–Brooklyn Public House

Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies

Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn't suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?

–Office, Midtown

Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You're all assholes! Stupid assholes!!

–Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hollister

Posted on December 23, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Bronx Science, Brooklyn, Crazies, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, Licking, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

A Few Sucky Wednesday One-Liners

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I.R.

50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Station Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Posted on December 15, 2019
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Choke, Cum, Fashion, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Prostitution, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Won’t Remember This Tomorrow

Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls forward, taps stranger on forehead.] herro! Anybody home?! [laughs hysterically].

–Metro North

Drunk chick: Fuck technology, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!

–A Train

Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fingered me in the cab!

–A Train

Drunk preppy businessman: Just tell her to put the oil in the noodles and rub it all over the chest…

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: voluptuousgrl

Drunk girl in the bathroom, picking up plastic bag from the garbage: Whose baby is this?!?!

–Madison Square Garden Bathroom

Posted on December 2, 2019
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Babies, Balls, Cars and Driving, Drunks, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Madison Square Garden, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Poop, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Stall Spies, Street, Suits, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Wait ‘Til You Get Lost in Tokyo, Smart Guy

Asian tourist with map out, blocking walking crowd: Excuse me, I’m looking for Houston street…
Suit, with high-pitched sarcasm: Really? [He keeps walking.]

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: a

Posted on November 29, 2019
Asians, Assholes, Default, Directions, Questions, Street, Suits, The Village, Tourism, Tourists

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I can't believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair!

–Church & Chambers

Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don't like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair.

–Central Park, Great Lawn

Girl: Oh, I'm so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn't you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?

–Prince St Cafe

Overheard by: It DID

Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain't my hair, I could really use yours.

–Harlem Polling Station

Overheard by: Joe

Girl yelling into cell: He's not even hairy!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that?

Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he's too bearded.

–113th St

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Posted on November 4, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Babies, Black People, Body Parts, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Love, On Cell, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude

Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!

–26th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: your mom

Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!

–Broadway

Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!

–Junior High School

Overheard by: gabygrillz

Posted on October 26, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Bosses, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Fitness, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penis, Poop, Preppies, Private Parts, Promiscuity, S&M, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes