Wednesday One-Lineups

Girl: I feel like she's really good at illegal stuff.

–34th & 9th

Overheard by: hellothere

Haggard-looking woman, screaming into cell: What? Now you're gettin' locked up and I am going to fucking prison now! Perfect! (sprints out of store)

–King Kullen, Staten Island

Preteen to another: So when you get arrested and your mom asks you where you were, you weren't with me.

–1st Ave & 16th

Overheard by: Wes Mantooth

Female teen to another: Yeah, that's what my dad got arrested for, too.

–Central Park

Teen boy on cell: I get a lot of shit from authority figures. Especially when I'm getting arrested.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: The Man(dy)

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Insults, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Prison, Psychology, Staten Island, Store, Street, Teens, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Have the Reich Stuff

Fat guy in telephone booth: Yeah, well, Hitler invented the Volkswagen bus.

–7th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Mark Martin

Woman in alpine hat to another: I was not about to drag your half-conscious ass around a concentration camp!

–Zum Schneider German Restaurant/Bar

Overheard by: Nella

Guy: Jury duty is like the Holocaust. They put you in line and march you into a strange room.

–Off The Wagon Restaurant

Overheard by: thankfully not jewish

Teen boy: Yeah, after I watched that movie I couldn't talk to German people at all. For like a month afterwards, every time I saw a person who looked German I was like, "you evil, evil Nazi!"

–Bull Statue, Bowling Green

Little boy to friends: And next year, we're going to assassinate Hitler!

–66th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Fat People, Foreigners, Friends, Glad the Condom Broke, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, Movies, Murder, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Time, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Do Wednesday One-Liners Get Published on Saturdays?

Boss: Wait, can I ask a city girl question? Do butterflies come from caterpillars??

–Office, 8th Ave

Overheard by: kpan

Tall blond tourist looking at Egyptian artifacts: So, are these, like, all real artifacts, or like, what? Know what I mean?

–The Metropolitan Museum

Girl to station agent: Can I go the other direction from here?

–W 103rd St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Blonde bimbo: Skydiving…is that the one done on water?

–Jerome Avenue Line

Woman, looking around crowded waiting area: I wonder how many people here are waiting for a train?

–Waiting Area, Penn Station

Overheard by: Not from New Jersey

Woman in elevator, after bumping into Al Roker: Wasn't that Tom Brokaw?

–Fisk Building

Posted on June 17, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Bosses, Clerks, Directions, Elevators, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insects, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Stupidity, The Met, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Wednesday One-Liners

Lady shouting into cell: Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear!

–Flatbush Ave, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Ja9

Deli cashier with heavy accent to West Indian man with heavy accent: I don't speak Jamaican! I speak English!

–Crown Heights

Overheard by: Holly

Man on crowd: Stop shoving! There are fucking kids here, watch out, asshole!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Alexis

Man walking with small kid on cell: Ain't no one cursing at yo! Fuck, why you got to be like that?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Heather

Woman on cell: I just hate for people to hear my conversations in public.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cashiers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Duane Reade, Foreigners, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Language Barrier, Languages, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

We're Not Looking for Any Serious Wednesday One-Liners Right Now

20-something girl to two girlfriends: We've been dating for two months. Normally in my relationships, it's "he loves me, and I love me," but now I feel like he knows I like him, and that threatens me.

–Penn Station

8th grade boy to another: Aren't I the woman in this relationship?

–Bell Academy

Woman to friend: He said he wanted to dress me up, take me out, and show me off to the world. Instead we'd go out, he'd make me pay, and tell me how great everyone else looked.

–3rd Ave & 37th th

Cute guy in Yankees hat: I need a wild, destructive relationship for awhile.

–Brother Jimmy's, 81st & Amsterdam

Guy: Yeah, I just got over a long-term relationship. You know, two to three months.

–Starbucks, 67 & Columbus

Guy on cell: I don't know if I already told you this, but I don't have a job or a show. So we could go a date until the end of time.

–MacDougal & 7th St

Steve Guttenberg to way-too-young date: I like you and I would like to see you, just not every day.

–Upper West Side

Posted on June 17, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, B-List, Beauty, Dating, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Love, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Sexuality, Starbucks, Street, Students, The Village, Threats, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Meet the Wednesday One-Liners Who Wrecked the Economy

Suit on cell: I mean, imagine our mothers in Playboy…

–Borders, Penn Station

Overheard by: I'd Rather Not

50-something suit to others: Ya, we sold ten bags of herb and made $100.

–Wall St & William St

Overheard by: Mike D

Suit on cell: Hey, mom! Ma! 7 cents! You owe me 7 cents!

–5th Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Katie

30-something suit to hot female: I can't reassure you about your body while we're in bed, because that would imply that there's something going on between us.

–W Broadway & Houston

Man in suit: Every day I try to do something out of my comfort zone, like hanging out with you.

–Broadway & Murray St

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Body Parts, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Porn, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness

Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

High school girl: She banged some dude with no condom during her period, then she blew another guy after the basketball game.

–Panera, Queens

Overheard by: NBG1

Teen: My health teacher always yells at me for being late. Shouldn't she be, like, sustaining my self-esteem?

–Green Apple Cafe

Overheard by: Julie

Hippie teenager leaving bathroom: When I see you all later, I will not have any idea who the hell you are!

–Nokia Theater, Times Square

Overheard by: dan

Teenage girl to cute guy, after spitting on door window: I have a bad habit of spittin'.

–E Train

Overheard by: MrsBall

Teenager to crying little brother: Shut up! Stop it or I'll take away your ShamWow!

–Times Square

Overheard by: JYC

Teenage boy on cell: I won't cock-block! (pause) I won't cock-block!

–E 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Steve G

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brothers, Cleanliness, Condoms, Crying, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Hook Ups, Menstruation, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Psychology, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Smegma, Sorority Girls, Sports, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Threats, Time, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Human Rights Come First, Pal

PETA representative: Excuse me, ma'am, do you have a minute for animal rights?
NYU JAP: I'm wearing leather boots. Do I look like I give a shit about animal rights?
Panhandler: (applauds)
NYU JAP: (gives panhandler a quarter)

–8th & University

Overheard by: byron

Posted on June 15, 2009
Activists, Animals & Nature, Comebacks, Hobos, Homeless, JAPs, Only in New York, Panhandling, Questions, Shoes, Street, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Contemplate Eating Their Young

Man yelling at children: If I see it I spank it!

–94th St & Columbus

Overheard by: olivia

Mother to complaining seven-year-old daughter: Let's pretend we're the Israelites wandering in the desert.

–42nd St & 8th Ave

Mom to child: If you do that again, I swear to god, I will make you ride outside! I will strap you to the wing and make you ride outside!

–JetBlue Plane, JFK Tarmac

Woman to small child looking at store window: Jean-Claude, you simply cannot be this demanding at two and a half!

–3rd Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Paula Katinas

Mother to screaming child: You are so mean! Who raised you? Wild animals? Indians?

–Greene St, SoHo

Overheard by: Mememonkey

Mom getting on subway to small kids: Well, now you know what "burlesque" means!

–1 Train

Posted on June 10, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, JFK Airport, Judaism, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Soho, Street, Threats, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Your Editors Believe Nothing Stops New Yorkers from Talking

Girl, looking at strawberry marshmallows: We could play chubby bunny with those.
Guy #1: Huh?
Girl: That's where you count how many marshmallows you shove in your mouth before you can't talk anymore.
Guy #2: People have died doing that.
Girl: Yeah, but probably only the dumb ones.

–8th Ave

Overheard by: IQ Test is Shoving Them in Your Mouth Anyway

Posted on June 4, 2009
Body Parts, Death, Food, Girls, Guys, Street, Stupidity

Street